Gordon Ramsay's dwarf porn double Percy Foster dies in badger den

[fluffhead77]

I'm just going to leave this here...

http://www.heraldsun.com.au/news/breaking-news/gordon-ramsays-dwarf-porn-double-percy-foster-dies-in-badger-den/story-e6frf7jx-1226137921668

[Davey Boy 2.0]

'He is every employer's dream - a 'venereal disease-free' jobhunter with a history of stealing from his workplace and a relaxed attitude towards punctuality. At least that is what Benedict Le Gauche hopes, after writing what may be the world's worst CV. The 28-year-old calls his previous jobs 'boring and drudgerous and disheartening' while dismissing his philosophy degree as 'pointless'. Duties at his earlier jobs included peddling 'disastrous horses***' and stealing ginger biscuits. Other roles included 'hiding' and 'pretending to be on the phone'. But it is not all bad. Mr Le Gauche - not his real name - says he 'can stand the company of people I hold in contempt' and 'can lift more than it looks like I can lift'. Under extracurricular activities, he adds: 'I draw pictures of my friends and give them to them as birthday presents. I like to close my eyes and pretend I am Darth Vader.' He is hoping the brutally honest application will land him the job of his dreams - although he admits it is 'statistically improbable' he will actually enjoy any work he gets.

"I just wanted to write something that looked like me, not everyone else,' he said. 'What I put on the CV is basically the truth. I figured if someone sees it and sees some sort of potential in me then I might get something better than what I would have done with a conventional CV.' Mr Le Gauche, from Manchester, took the unusual step after attending a 'patronising' government course for the long-term unemployed. So far, he has secured an interview as a copywriter and several angry replies from recruitment agents. But he has vowed to stick with it until he runs out of cigarettes, when he may 'have the chemical impetus to write a normal CV' - Metro

[afro poppa]