Patchoulia

Ah! See Basher's note above. Hal, if this puts you back in the running, let me know.

Oh yeah--you'd have to pick the tickets up @ One Mount Pleasant (Bloor/Jarvis) before 6 pm tomorrow night. Please let me know ASAP if you expressed interest, but would be unable to do that.

SHUT UP!! RTEARD!

HAZEL PARK, MI—In a statement made to reporters earlier this afternoon, local idiot Brandon Mylenek, 26, announced that at approximately 2:30 a.m. tonight, he plans to post an idiotic comment beneath a video on an Internet website. Mylenek, a moron, prepares to publicly address the "dumbest shiz [he's] evr seen!!!1!" "Later this evening, I intend to watch the video in question, click the 'reply' link above the box reserved for user comments, and draft a response, being careful to put as little thought into it as possible, while making sure to use all capital letters and incorrect punctuation," Mylenek said. "Although I do not yet know exactly what my comment will entail, I can say with a great degree of certainty that it will be incredibly stupid." Mylenek, who rarely in his life has been capable of formulating an idea or opinion worth the amount of oxygen required to express it, went on to guarantee that the text of his comment would be misspelled to the point of incomprehension, that it would defy the laws of both logic and grammar, and that it would allege that several elements of the video are homosexual in nature. "The result will be an astonishing combination of ignorance, offensiveness, and sheer idiocy," Mylenek said. According to the idiot, he will become incensed at the quality and sentiment of the comments already posted below the video—which will include such replies as "not great, nice try tho," "FIRSTIES!!!" and "wtf?? lol so random." At this point, Mylenek said, he will feel a deep, unwavering desire to offer a dissenting opinion, which he has hinted will include the words "gay" and "reatrd" [sic]. "It is my moral obligation to alert the Internet community to the fact that this video is totally gay, and furthermore, that the individual who made it is a fag," Mylenek said. Pressed for further details regarding his intended post, Mylenek, who will comment under the Internet pseudonym "xblingdaddy2005x," revealed that there is a strong possibility he will inadvertently post the comment twice. "After clicking the 'submit' button, I will immediately refresh the page so that I can view my own comment. I will then notice that my comment has not appeared because the server has not yet processed my request, become angry and confused, and re-post the same comment with unintentional variations on the original wording and misspellings, creating two slightly different yet equally moronic comments," he said. "It is my hope that this will illustrate both my childlike level of impatience and my inability to replicate a simple string of letters and symbols 30 seconds after having composed it." Mylenek confirmed rumors that he will be momentarily sidetracked by another inane task while drafting his comment. The distraction is scheduled to come at 2:25 a.m. in the form of a "related video" link featuring a man being sodomized by a horse, which Mylenek will re-watch seven times and laugh obnoxiously at with his friend and fellow idiot, Steve Blanchette, 28. "Once this minor diversion is complete, I will finish posting my comment, then sit there like the worthless human being I am and wait for other commenters to respond," he added. "Because, as I mentioned before, I have nothing better to do with my life." Mylenek said he fully expects that his comment will spawn a series of replies from other idiots around the world, who will either agree with his stance, disagree with his stance, or call Mylenek himself a "d0uche" and post an irrelevant link to a separate video that they will claim to be "way funnier." According to Mylenek, this is all part of the plan. "We are blessed to be living in an age when we have a global communications network in which idiots, assholes, and total and complete wastes of fucking human life alike can come together to give instant feedback in an unfettered and unmonitored online environment," Mylenek said. "What better way to take advantage of this incredible technology than to log onto the Internet and insult a complete stranger?" According to media critic Judy Turner, this type of behavior is not uncommon among idiots. "Brandon's comments in particular contain a degree of unoriginality and stupidity that you only see in the most muttonheaded and imbecilic Internet commenters," Turner said. "In fact, I've seen him use at least a dozen variations of the word 'gay.' Suffice it to say, Brandon Mylenek is a truly stupid, stupid idiot." Mylenek concluded his press conference with a solemn vow to uphold the awful, unintelligible, anger-inducing quality of his past Internet comments. "I promise everyone that this post will be exactly what you have come to expect from an idiot like myself," he said, "and that I will check my comment regularly so that I can call everyone who says it's stupid a fag." ------------ Dear Onion, I love you. Sincerely, Julia

She doesn't accompany the tickets, she's just overseeing the contest. The "Perks for Dirty Old Men" contest will commence at 2 pm.

She goes to Queen's. Maybe when she's back in K-town, you can swing by for a visit and impress her with your parliamentary positions.

OK, so I have EIGHT tickets for Friday night's Jays game up for grabs... 4 VIP Club HBC 4 2nd row, 3rd base line area Rather than make it first come, first served, which is patently unfair to those who only visit the board occasionally, I will do a little draw at 1 pm if I receive more than one request for each date/set of tickets(This lottery's integrity will be ensured. It will be overseen and regulated by Jillian, my summer student, who is beyond reproach).

I know, I know "Argos" and "Fans" may seem like a bit of an oxymoron (or is it the fans who are the oxy-morons?). Anyway.... I received our allocation for the rest of the Argos season. I spoke to my boss about it. She is dubious that anyone will want to use any of these tickets for any programs or promos. Quote from her: "Julia, if you know anyone who would appreciate or use these..if you have any place for them at all, go ahead and get rid of them..." So if you'd like 2 tickets to any home game for the rest of the 08 season, please let me know. And don't bother trying to scalp them. If I find out, I'll kill you. More importantly, I think you might have to pay someone to use them.

Much like the attendees?

oooh I never get to see some of those folks!

Hmm. Seems like a lot of work. What else should I know?

Oh my GOD! I have wanted to see Robin WIlliams my entire life! Awesome, awesome, awesome!

They always get used!

And tomorrow night's tickets are taken! Anyone for tonight?

Did I mention these tickets are free for the taking? If you want the tix for tonight's game, you will have to pick them up @ One Mount Pleasant before 6 pm.

Hey kids! Alright...I've got 4 tickets to tonight's Jays game..4 tickets to tomorrow night's Jays game..great seats..vs Oakland. May have a bunch for Friday, as well..I'll keep you posted. Let me know if you're interested!

If I was tasked with the job of deciding on a Top 10 list of movie characters whom I would marry, were they suddenly real people, Lloyd Dobler would most certainly be on the list. I still don't understand the big deal about Diane Cort, though. Why did he have such a jones for her before they'd even spoken? I mean, she's pretty, but not *that* pretty..if he was gonna fantasize about someone, why her? And she DID give him a pen...he gave her his heart, she gave him a pen..

Sounds like you saw her in her birthday suit!!! Happy bday phorbsie. Rock on. I don't even know what she's wearing today...that's crazy!

No way! Happy birthday, Heather! Have a GREAT one! I'm so happy we've got to see you so much of you this summer!

Besides the great writing and stellar performances, I am absolutely floor by the attention to detail in terms of it being a "period" piece...it's amazing.

Mad Men is fucking brilliant. Oh my god. If I could marry this show, I would, and I don't even want to get married. The first season is on DVD, I think: I highly urge you to check it out.

The "real" Scrabble on Facebook blows. You'd think the creators would get the colours right. Bastards.

MASH was my dad's favourite show...so I was forced to watch it constantly growing up..it was a pretty damn good show, even though I was too young to get all of the jokes. Any time I see it, it reminds me of my childhood (and my dad).

Well, I loooved Bon Jovi... http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=31090&l=5e9d8&id=538716345

And Basher just admitted Bon Jovi was fun..so there..