A joke for this sad, sad day.

[c-towns]

Two Mexicans, who had been lost in the desert for weeks, were at

death's door. As they stumbled on, hoping for salvation in the form

of an oasis or something similar, they suddenly spied through the

heat & haze, a tree, off in the distance.

As they get closer, they began to make out that the tree was draped

with rasher upon rasher of bacon. There was smoked bacon, crispy

bacon, juicy nearly-raw bacon, bacon of all sorts.

"Hey, Pepe," cried Don Pedro, "ees a bacon tree! We are saved!"

"You're right, amigo!" said Pepe as he went on ahead and running up

to the tree, salivating at the prospect of food.

When he got to within five feet of the tree, the sound of machine gun

fire erupted and down he went in a hail of bullets. Don Pedro quickly

dropped down on the sand and called out to his dying friend, "Pepe!

Pepe! Que pasa hombre?"

With his dying breath, Pepe called out, "Run amigo, run...

Ees not a bacon tree. Ees a ham bush."

[bouche]

MILK BATH

A blonde heard that milk baths would make her beautiful. She left a

note for her milkman to leave 15 gallons of milk. When the milkman read the note, he felt there must be a mistake. He thought she probably meant 1.5 gallons so he knocked on the door to clarify the point.

The blonde came to the door and the milkman said, "I found your note to

leave 15 gallons of milk. Did you mean 1.5 gallons?" The blonde said, "I

need to fill my bathtub up with milk and take a milk bath." The milkman

asked, "Do you want it Pasteurized?" The blonde said, "No, just up to my

boobs, I can splash it in my eyes."

BMW

A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it

died. After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly. She

says , "What's the story?"

He replies, "Just crap in the carburetor."

She asks, "How often do I have to do that?"

SPEEDING TICKET

A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he

could see her license. She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would get

your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!"

KNITTING

A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting! Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, "PULL OVER!"

"NO!" the blonde yelled back, "IT'S A SCARF!"

BLONDE ON THE SUN

A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day.

The Russian said, "We were the first in space!" The American said, "We were the first on the moon!" The Blonde said, "So what? We're going to be the first on the sun!" The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads. "You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!" said the Russian. To which the Blonde replied, "We're not stupid, you know. We're going at night!"

IN A VACUUM

A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She rolled

the dice and she landed on Science & Nature. Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?" She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?"

DOGS

A girl was visiting her blond friend who had acquired two new dogs,

and asked her what their names were.

The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex. Her friend said, "Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?"

"HellOOOooo," answered the blond. "They're watch dogs!"

[bokonon]

[color:"purple"] there simply aren't enough blonde jokes in the world. they are so underated and witty too!

[bouche]

you can always replace blonde with newphie or deadhead

[Ms.Huxtable]

[color:"purple"] None for you tonight Bouchey

How's that for a blonde joke?

[Booche]

Did someone say 'blonde joke' ?

A plane is on its way to Montreal when a blonde in

Economy Class gets up and moves to the First Class

section and sits down. The flight attendant watches

her do this and asks to see her ticket. She then tells

the blonde that she paid for Economy and that she will

have to sit in the back. The blonde replies, "I'm

blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Montreal and I'm

staying right here." The flight attendant goes into

the cockpit and tells the pilot and co-pilot that

there is some blonde bimbo sitting in First Class that

belongs in Economy and won't move back to her seat.

The co-pilot goes back to the blonde and tries to

explain that because she only paid for Economy she

will have to leave and return to her seat. The blonde

replies, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to

Montreal and I'm staying right here."

The co-pilot tells the pilot that he probably should

have the police waiting when they land to arrest this

blonde woman that won't listen to reason.

The pilot says, "I'll handle this. I'm married to a

blonde. I have learned to speak 'blonde."

He goes back to the blonde, whispers in her ear, and

without question she gets up and moves back to her seat

in the Economy section. The flight attendant and co-pilot

are amazed and asked him what he said to make her move

without any fuss.

"I told her First Class isn't going to Montreal."