phorbesie Posted February 3, 2006 Report Share Posted February 3, 2006 ROMANCE MATHEMATICS Smart man + smart woman = romance Smart man + dumb woman = affair Dumb man + smart woman = marriage Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy ______________________________ OFFICE ARITHMETIC Smart boss + smart employee = profit Smart boss + dumb employee = production Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime _____________________________ SHOPPING MATH A man will pay $20 for a $10 item he needs. A woman will pay $10 for a $20 item that she doesn't need _____________________________ GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife. A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man. _____________________________ HAPPINESS To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all. ______________________________ LONGEVITY Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to die ______________________________ PROPENSITY TO CHANGE A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does. _____________________________ DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument. _____________________________ HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
timouse Posted February 4, 2006 Report Share Posted February 4, 2006 HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals. i once said (totally in jest, and absolutely taken that way) to my grandma, after being badgered about the same thing, "when are you going to fall and break your hip? all of your friends are doing it!" she stopped badgering me Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StoneMtn Posted February 4, 2006 Report Share Posted February 4, 2006 ... the rarely seen, evil side of timouse. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr_Evil_Mouse Posted February 4, 2006 Report Share Posted February 4, 2006 I haven't ruled out the possibility that I'm infectious. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StoneMtn Posted February 4, 2006 Report Share Posted February 4, 2006 Gross. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr_Evil_Mouse Posted February 4, 2006 Report Share Posted February 4, 2006 Gross. I mean like The Cooler kind of infectious (though I know timouse has immunity there . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
guigsy Posted February 4, 2006 Report Share Posted February 4, 2006 the last time my grandmother asked me that question i told her not to worry, she wont be around to see it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thorgnor Posted February 4, 2006 Report Share Posted February 4, 2006 rimshot Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
timouse Posted February 4, 2006 Report Share Posted February 4, 2006 ... the rarely seen, evil side of timouse.indeed. i have to put the comment in context. my grandma is a lovely woman with a very well-deleveloped sense of irony. she totally got the humour of it...incidentally, she was thrilled when she met niffermouse, and gave us her wedding ring for jennifer to wear. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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