Bored at work, looking for a laugh

[bradm]

I wrote this while bored at work...it has a story behind it...but it's funny nonetheless.

If my arms were made of bacon

would they sizzle?

If my arms were made of bacon

you could put them on sandwiches

and people would eat them.

If my arms were made of bacon

they'd be brown

and sometimes crispy

or floppy.

If my arms were made of bacon

boy, would I smell nice

and people would probably always

want to hang around me

....until they got sick of the smell of bacon.

If my arms were made of bacon

they'd be best friends with eggs.

If my arms were made of bacon

I'd eat em!

It sounds like a song that would have been part of a "Friends" episode.

(Would you mind if I took a crack at trying to write music to back that up? It might require me to alter/amend the lyrics a bit.)

Edit to add: Did you see that episode of "Murphy Brown" where she was in the hospital just after the birth of her child? She made some comment about her new lactating abilities being like she "could get bacon from [her] elbow".

Aloha,

Brad

Edited November 24, 2006 by Guest

[LJFH]

by all means!

[Kanada Kev]

Here's a good game if you're bored ...

http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/games/missilegame3d

[Patchoulia]

Following along with the bacon-theme...

An egg and bacon are frying in a pan...

Egg turns to the bacon and says, "Holy shit, it's hot in here!"

Bacon turns to the egg and says, "Holy shit, a talking egg!!"

That's all I got...bad, I know.

[allison]

Why didn't Hitler drink whiskey?

Because it made him mean.

For some reason this is one of the only jokes I really like.

[badams]

bacon is the Super Food!!! There is nothing it can't do

[Booche]

A group of legionnaires strode through the scorching desert.

They hadn't had water for three days and hadn't eaten for a week

but they did not crack, and kept marching solidly on. Suddenly one

of them froze, "Psssst" said he. His companion halted, and

strained their eyes to where the first legionnaire was pointing.

"Le voila", said he, "Regardez, mes amis, isn't zat a bacon tree

on ze 'orizon"? And sure enough, there it stood, proudly and

defiant in the middle of the desert, a true bacon tree.

Slowly they crept forward towards the mystery object far off. Inch

by inch, centimetre by centimetre, until they were within a

stone's throw of the bacon tree.

Even nearer they crept, and suddenly, a shot rang out, dropping

one of the legionnaires in his tracks. The other legionnaires hit

the ground as bullets thudded into the sand around them. The other

two returned fire, and gave first aid to their wounded companion.

Even as they bandaged him, they could hear his faint voice -

"Zat was no bacon tree," he gasped, "Zat was an 'am bush."

[LJFH]

I like Bacon.

[bradm]

I like Bacon.

Did you see the opening act on Saturday night? I think their opening song was Beggin' & Achin' For Eggs & Bacon.

Aloha,

Brad

[badams]

You can pretty wrap anything with bacon. Damn I think I need to get some for dinner.

[Kanada Kev]

The koala's crave

Just what I know you've all been waiting for: a shaggy koala story.

Once there was a koala bear who was a big fan of performing oral sex on women. In fact, the urge was so strong in him that he saved up all his money to go to the big city and find a place to satisfy his desire, since there wasn't any action like that in the eucalyptus forest where he lived.

When he'd saved up enough money, he bought a ticket to Sydney and went looking for a knock shop. He found a nice-looking place, went in, and told the madame what he was after. The madame introduced him to Candi and explained that Candi was the local expert on oral sex.

So Candi and the koala bear retired to her room, where the koala bear dived in. When he finished, he got up, put on his hat, and started out the door. "Just a minute!" cried Candi. "You owe me $100!"

The koala bear said not a word... He didn't even turn around. He just kept walking. So Candi followed him down the hall yelling at him for her money. Finally, she took him by the arm, grabbed a dictionary, and said to him, "Look here, mate, I'm a prostitute. Now I'm going to read you the definition of 'prostitute'." And she read from the dictionary: "Prostitute: a person who exchanges sexual favors for money."

The koala bear just looked at her for a moment, then took the dictionary and read an entry to her: "Koala bear: a small, furry animal that eats bushes and leaves."