Episode 2 (some spoilers,be warned)

[Guest Low Roller]

So I cashed in some karma points last night and got a free ticket for the midnight showing of Episode 2. After checking out Ferriswheeler at Babylon, I speedily made my way to South Keys for the show.

I still had a nice buzz going as I found my centre aisle seat that was being kept for me. The lights dimmed as I shouted out "Woo!! I love Star Trek!!", which garnered a collective laugh from the dead audience (seriously, for people hardcore enough to catch the midnight show, I would figure they'd be more animated).

Things started off great with a teaser for the next two Matrix movies: The Matrix Reloaded and The Matrix Revolution. Terrible names, but the visuals made Crouching Tiger look like Street Fighter.

And then everything went to the shitter. I'm struggling to find the best way to describe this movie...

The movie lasted 2.5 hours, of which probably only 40 minutes is quality Star Wars. I mean QUALITY. The Yoda lightsaber fight scene was NUTS. The audience was losing their shit when Yoda was fighting. And deservedly so.

...and then there is that Anakin guy "acting".

I can't really blame the guy for sucking though, the script has him being the whiny pubescent jedi with raging hormones who is rebelling against his father-figure master Obi-Wan. Ooooo, edgy. All that's missing is Anakin walking around listening to Limp Bizkit, and the package is complete.

Then there's his obsession with Amidala (who is no longer Queen for some reason). They drive this point into the ground!! Repeatedly. We get it. He likes her. But they don't stop. Ever. It's cliche, after cliche, after cliche. The first hour was unbearable.

Ever think that a Schwartzeneger movie has too many cheezy one-liners? Well fuck that, THIS movie has cheezy one-liners. Might as well put Obi-Wan in front of a brickwall backdrop and have him do stand-up. It's that bad.

C3PO is in full gay-droid mode. And he has cheezy one-liners.

And Samuel L. Jackson plays essentially the same character as in every other movie of his AND he has CHEEZY ONE-LINERS.

Three words: Senator Jar Jar Binks. (Well technically it is three words, one is just repeated twice)

Anyways, see the movie for yourself if you don't believe me, and then you'll quickly agree with my opinion.

P.S. There is no point being high for this movie either, because the first hour is death if you are. Trust me.

P.P.S. Jango Fett is a pussy. In fact all the bad guys suck in this movie.

P.P.P.S At least there was no pod racing.

[Phakinit_thru]

Great review!!

[Guest Low Roller]

From the Salon review:

"we're subjected to an embarrassingly dewy scene, set on a soft-focus hillside straight out of "The Sound of Music," in which the two roll around playfully together on the grass, each hoping to inadvertently cop a feel. Later, they stare into each other's eyes on a moonlit terrace, talking in hushed tones about the infeasibility of inserting Tab A into Slot B. Forget "Spaceballs" -- we're talking "Blue Balls."

Yeah that part was fucking awful. It's like Lucas is trying to give nerds tips on how to win a women's heart or something but in reality he's a complete virgin and doesn't have a clue.

Remember in Empire when all it took was one kiss between Han and Leia, amidst Han getting punked out by Vader, to establish their relationship? That was done in a span of two minutes or less. This crap drags on for an hour!

[bradm]

It looks like Salon didn't like it either: their review.

"...love scenes shot to look like douche commercials..."

Aloha,

Brad

[Phakinit_thru]

Well here's the thing. The originals were made for kiddies. Now the kids are a lot more grown up and range in age from 5 to 55 so if you went there with your little kid suit on and you're 16 or older, you'd be bummed. Bet they get a whoppin' megabuck $$ multigenerational hit out of it...that's my review thru PHISH eyes 'cause I ain't seen it.

Not givin anything away here.

[Guest Low Roller]

Ok. It's been about four days since I saw the movie, and I've calmed down somewhat.

I still find the Anakin/Padme stuff unbearable, but it is a necessary plot element. It will make Anakin snapping in Episode 3 that much more realistic.

I still find that Jango Fett was poorly handled, going from lurking in the shadows to some dude who leaves his armor lying on the ground like last night's bar clothes.

Samuel L. Jackson's line "This party is over" is inexcusable.

But there are tons of positives as well. THE foremost being Yoda. He kicks ass.

The true test with Episode 2 will be next week, when I take my 5-year old nephew to see it. If he thinks it's cool, then I'll stop being such an analytical bitch and just enjoy the movie.

Christopher Walken in Episode 3! Glee!

[arcane]

Yoda's cool, but you'd figure a guy *that* wise would smarten up and stop talking like an HP calculator.

"Dialog in Reverse Polish, this is."

[Stapes]

I went to see this movie opening night bymyself. I was expecting a let down. I was pleasently suprised. I was fully prepared for the love story goop as well as the traditional one liners and droid shtick. What I wasn't prepared for was the amazing Starwars eyecandy that blasted my eyes. I knew it would be good but Jeezus. I found that the CG aliens were more real and less(albiet only a little) 2 dimensional personality wise. Unlike lowroller I actually enjoyed the rest of the movie more than the final battle stuff. I could make a ton of critisisms (one of which wold be the casting of Anakin) but I have to admit that it wasn't as bad as it could have been.

As I've said before my faith in the saga is restored.

[CharlieDon'tSurf]

Hey, other than the love scenes from 9 1/2 weeks, there aren't too many others that wouldn't make the average Star Wars fan gag a little and, as LowRoller said, it was a necessary plot element.

As far as one liners go "...nerf herder" from Empire and "Laugh it up, fuzzball" weren't any better than Windu's "This party's over line". Plus, if you can dispatch the suit so quickly, who gives a shit what you say!

The special f/x were great and very much downplayed from Phantom. My ears were very pleasantly surprised by the sound f/x...how 'bout them Sonic Mines?!?

Anyway, we ain't seven year olds no more and the "comic book" feel of a good Star Wars movie might not sit as well as it did in the early 80's late 70's....

Lucas does need to cut out some of the 3PO head mix-up scenes, methinks!

[rubberdinghy]

Unbeleivable!!!

I thoroughly enjoyed Attack of the Clones.

As for the lines, I think they were great for some comedic relief. Especially Anakin`s "I don`t like sand" comment.

Favourite line of the movie...

"What a Drag" C3P0 to R2...I was almost in tears by this point. PURE CHEESE!

I think this movie was more like the originals than Phantom Menace, and yes those sonic mines blew my mind...

For those of you who care to pick it apart, be my guest, I still loved it and you can`t change my mind. Can`t wait for #3!

Oh one more thing...Preview for Undercover Brother...NICE!

[Booche]

Loved it!

This is a visual spectacle. I wanted the 3rd one to start once the closing credits began. It flowed very well and that closing battle is NUTS! One issue I had with Phantom Menace was some of the sterile CGI and with that battle scene at the end of it (too much, too fast)......George et al worked WONDERS in this one.

I cringed a few times at the dialog BUT you HAVE to keep things in perspective and realize these movies are primarily written for children. Jar Jar is in the movie for only 5 minutes, 10 tops.

ObiWan is still the MAN and Mace is one bad ass-well. The Yoda fight is great and that ass-kicker asteroid chase leaves you wanting more. I thought they did a great job getting us in the Anakin mind-set. On a few occasions, we could look into his eyes at the end of particular scenes and see how he gets caught up in his emotions and how they are channeling him towards the Dark Side. Some neat story-lines come through that explain more and more about the Star Wars universe and I enjoyed that as well........

All in all, these movies are fantastic roller-coaster rides and I only wish we were getting more than just one of them. Like 3po, I was "beside myself"

[Tonberry]

I liked it too. The last half hour of the movie rocked more than my world.

I also enjoyed the clone planet a lot. Really nice visuals, very creepy.

A LOT of plot loopholes exist, though... Like (DON'T READ IF YOU HAVEN'T SEEN) Why doesn't threepio recognize Owen and Beru when he gets bought by them in episode 4?

Or better yet, why don't they recognize him, Or R2? They have the same names, after all.

However, and I know I'm gonna end up crucified for this, I liked Spider-man better. Willam Dafoe is one of the best actors ever! I mean, the shit they had him do would have just been plain cheezy had many other actors been at the helm, but he pulled it off.

Anyhoo, that's my opinion. I could be wrong.

[Tonberry]

Wait! Walken's in the third one? With a big role, or what?

[Booche]

I am sure we will find out why Uncle Owen didnt recognize the droids. Heck, if you think about it, he met those Droids for all off one afternoon and then when he buys them, isnt it like 40 years in the future or something?

Owen looks like he is an inter-galactic boozer and I know I wouldnt have remembered those Droids a week later for Christ's sake!

I am going to see it again in the theater cause that last 30 minutes might be my favorite of any of the Star Wars.

[Davey Boy 2.0]

"Owen looks like he is an inter-galactic boozer "

Is that how he lost his leg?

"If you keep trying to fill your hollow leg with booze, we're cutting it off!"

[Guest Low Roller]

I took my 4 year-old nephew to see Star Wars last night. His reaction to the Anakin/Padme stuff: "Girls are gross", he then turned around and started talking to a person behind us to get their opinion. PRICELESS.

[dancingfool]

(not that my opinion matters a lot, but why not )

Saw the movie Saturday with the gf. A family’s young kids reacted pretty closely to LowRoller’s nephew, going “yuckie” or “not more smoochie stuff” with yet another Anakin/Padme forced romance scene. There were a lot of those. And both me and the gf tried not to laugh out loud at the “Sound of Music” scene. Was this deliberate??

Altogether, the movie’s viewable, and enjoyable to fans (tons of fannish references). No scene is too long, unlike the podracer videogame ad in the first movie, and they cut back and forth logically. I find many scenes could have been shortened, making for too many “oooo, ahhh” CGI effects, but that’s just me.

Jar Jar was actually digestable this time: non-clumsy, still naive, and on for ten minutes tops. He was one of only three aliens left over from ep.1, and those three are the only ones with fake-Earth accents (exaggerated Jamaican, fake Asian for the Trade Federation and bad Italian for Anakin’s former owner). I saw many outright alien languages with subtitles this time, as should be in a galactic empire. Oops, sorry, that’ll be the third movie.

Was anyone else unamused by the very topical US political references jammed in, such as the Naboo Queen being clearly compared to the US President (two terms in office, “democracy is our motto”), or having an undesireable high ranking Council official being one or two syllables away from Newt Gingrich?

Yeah, the Lars probably can’t remember the droids after 20 years, but why don’t the droids remember them? I sense a memory dump in the future…

The script is written for young audiences of 2002, while episodes 4 and 5 were written for young audiences of the late 1970s; hence a lot of eye candy, videogame-like scenes and less concise character and plot developments. I wish it wasn’t. Saturday, I kept thinking “Okay, there’s another action figure money shot…” at some new scene.

Padme should have figured Anakin doesn’t like sand, him being from Tattooine… This makes four out of five movies wih Tattooine in it. Not bad for a backwater little forgettable planet. And at least this time they tried to have some designs looking less sophisticated than the ones seen in the middle movies.

Like Ep. 1, I won’t see this again until video. Heck, I rewatched Ep 1 only on TV, and on my 3” B&W Watchman at that. It didn’t look too good. The other 3 movies, seen on the same tiny screen, fared considerably better. I have my opinions on why, but that’s another subject entirely…

[Guest Low Roller]

The question that I'm dying to get answered is that if our generation hates the Anakin/Padme scenes, and the new generation hates the Anakin/Padme scenes, then who exactly did Geroge Lucas think would enjoy all that cheezy Little House On The Prairie chum?

[dancingfool]

The sponsors/merchandisers?

[dogatthestation]

Since Lucas financed the film himself and licences off the merchadise I would have to say he made the film he wanted to see... I did not have a problem with the Padme/Anakin romance at all... but then I have never attended a Star Wars movie expecting to be wowed by the dialog... It is the story of star wars that is important and I think this one had one of the better overall stories...

[Jaimoe]

I fell asleep right after the 5th Element rip-off beginning. I was drowsy through the Spartacus/Gladiator rip-off scenes and could care less about the lifeless robots vs clones war at the end. My main problem with this movie was that it lacked any sense of excitement, wonder and/or magic. The CGI's always looked like CGI's. I didn't care about the one dimensional human characters, but Christopher Lee was good, and by far the most interesting human character in the movie; Yoda and R2D2 were fun. The dialogue was typical Star Wars dialogue, so it didn't bother me too much. I didn't hate this film, but it certainly should not be viewed as a great piece of filmmaking either.

[dogatthestation]

I personally think the brilliant thing about Lucas is that he has created this whole "mythology" based on B-Movie Cliches..

[bradm]

Actually, it was based more on pulp science fiction (e.g., Dune or the Lensmen series) than classic mythology. Mind you, a lot of classic science fiction draws from mythological sources, so there's at least an indirect link.

Aloha,

Brad

[CharlieDon'tSurf]

Obviously we all want some sort of cinematic rapture to occur in the plush seats of the Cineplex Odeon, will munching salty popcorn and bitching about how much it costs to see a movie these days...

Star Wars is Star Wars... it is meant to work off of the old cliches, it is meant to be one-dimensional (think Han Solo), it is meant to be the epitome of B-movies (kudos Dog)... and girls aren't yicky/gross...unless they're from Sudbury...

[Jaimoe]

Lucas also borrows liberally from Kurosawa, Ray Harryhausen's Sinbad movies and allegorical mythology.