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Heady goes to Coventry

Heady Epic

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Heady wants to know what the fu©k was that? It was a Trey'n wreck. Embarrassing. Most of the summer was Metal Funk at its phinest, and now, Trey has turned into Phil Spector. In 10 years he is going to be a whacky reclusive composer that mumbles constantly and throws things at people while yelling obscenities like "you fu©king tool". People in the Phish scene need to realize they're just as washed-up as Trey, the long happy trip is OVER...you all were in your early 20's & late teens when you jumped on the wagon. The next generation is gonna do something totally foreign to what you consider to be good, and you'll be the ones saying "this weird sh!t sucks", just like your parents do. To get to Flubbentry, I jumped into the back of a van of some frat-boy and his sister. Never said a word to them, and they were too frightened to do anything about ole Heady. Ok, so, I wasn't able to talk, but I got me a ride. I cleaned their cooler up real good like, ate their food and smoked all their weed. Somewhere around Albany, Nate had to take a piss, so I jumped into the front seat, and drove off, while his sister was still sleeping. Truthfully, I don't know why he never tried to kick me out of the van after he caught me ground hogging her in the back of the van. It was pretty easy to make 4 left turns with her, alls Heady had to say was "Don't worry; it only seems kinky the first time." Anyways, while I was getting polished, the van was pushing her limit, and I rolled it onto someone's front lawn in Burlington. Without a scratch, I grabbed my bag, and headed onwards. Caught a ride with a group of wooks that were planning on selling tons of snows-candy and pills. We got close to the gate, taking the left lane and some back roads, but our ride wasn't going any further. Whoever said the journey of a thousand miles begins with one step is an idiot. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire. It was time Heady started his walk but wasn't too far to the entrance, maybe a 20 minute stagger. I showed up with some cold 40's of Colt 45 Double Malt, a box of French Ticklers and some nipple clamps. When they asked for my ticket, I just stood there and nodded in my best porn star face. After about a minute I looked them both in the eyes and said "Ladies, you know how we do it!!" and walked in. Next thing I see, is something waving at me. Holy hell, is that a wookie waving at me? Oh sh!t. It understood. Maybe it's some kind of super wookie. What if there's more superwookies in a lab? WHAT IF THEY'RE CREATING AN ARMY OF THEM? Holy sh!t. It must be a conspiracy like in the X-Files... Roswell style. This little wookie could be the fu©kin' damn dirty ape responsible for the fall of the human race. After the fall of man, these wookie fucks'll start wearing our clothes and rebuilding the world in their image. Oh and only those as super smart as me will be left alive to bitterly cry - DAMN YOUS. Goddamn yous all to hell. It was a lesson learned, don't sell an ounce of coke and 40 oc's to Rudolph the red and runny-nosed guitar player. EVER. Specially if that sh!t was stolen and you haven't had the chance to test-drive it. We all saw what happened to him, that sh!t was the potent sh!t. Next fest, I aint going near that red haired junk-wad. There is a fine line between hobby and mental illness. Heady needed more refreshments, so I hit the camping. Its always darkest before dawn, so if you are going to steal brews from your neighbours cooler, nows the time to do it. Sun started coming up, and I needed money. I sold Hershey Kisses for 5$ a pop to all the custies. I told the idiots I put lsd on them, so they were buying them faster than I could exchange cash. At one point, I stopped giving the change, and half of them were rolling so hard they didn't even notice. The kisses were still in their original wrappers, so these ** must have thought I opened them up, poured the liquid mind fu©k all over them, and wrapped them back up. Hope you enjoyed your placebo boys and girls, cause all I did was walk in Walmart and stick a few bags down my crotch. Coming from Camden and Great Woods, it wasn't smelling too pretty either. You know what they say, common sense is the least common of the senses, so, I got this varsity swimmer chick to blow up these 200 balloons I had stored, also in my crotch. I pretended like I was blowing them as well. Anyways, she insanely thought we were going into the show together, and that we would release the balloons during one of the sappy songs like Row Gay. What she didn't know, is that I was walking the balloons about 25 feet away, and selling them for 5$ a pop, then I would disappear into the crowd before the custies noticed. So, I sold about 75 of them sitting there, and then I grabbed the rest and took off on her. I found an empty tent, and stored them in there. For the next 5 hrs, I would grab a bunch of balloons and run around the lot making some easy coin. My favorite kid was this Harry Potter looking chap from somewhere in Ontario. He asked me "How much maaaaan, I looooove balloons" and I replied "1 for 5, 3 for 17." The kid wigs out and yells "WOW, 3 for 17 is a wicked deal!" I took his 20$, told him I didn't have change, and left as fast as I could. Step right up! See the* magic boy*, with his mystifying feats that will leave you scratching your head until it's raw and bloody. Not much I can say about the music, I was tripping face, this flute girl is busting a Jethro Tull next to me... some girl is jamming Tootsie Rolls down my throat, and the guy who'd DETERMINED to get his Destiny, and has organized the recitation of the lyrics at the end of setbreak, is right behind me, when he unleashed that air-horn to 'start it all off'...there was a kid behind me keeping a setlist but asking me the name of every song so Heady paid another girl just to kick his ass....all in all, it was a weird weekend. I felt like I was Han Solo, everyone else is Chewie, she's Ben Kenobi, and we're in that fu©ked-up bar. Experimentallegedly doental jams everywhere. I wonder whatever happened to Nate's sister. Don't matter none, I am going on the road and I'm going ride the mofo Custie-mobile right through Moe tour and send some w00ks' kids to college. You don't get a refund if you over pay so thanks for all that cash, cause me have no regrets.

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yea,,,Im dead fukin serious...I dont think rippin people off is funny at all. I guess us older dead heads live by a different set of rules....Heady is a prime example of why the Phish scene took a sh!tty turn... I lived on Phish tour in the mid 90's...Heady wouldnt have lasted 2 cities back then.

Now Im sure you guys all know eachother so its "funny"....My opinion...its ghetto

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