AD Posted October 20, 2007 Report Share Posted October 20, 2007 Hilarious!Survivor muskoka: NHL retreat enters new eraPast experience from those who have been on NHL team retreats suggests they don't always work, but the movie version should be a big hit.James Duthie, The Ottawa CitizenPublished: Saturday, October 20, 2007By tomorrow, the Ottawa Senators will be deep in the Muskoka woods, engaging in some camp activity that will bond them as blood brothers forever. Campfire sing-a-long? Three-legged race? Origami? Boy, NHL team retreats aren't what they used to be. Just ask my fellow TSN panelists."We didn't go out in the forest and hold hands and paint pictures,'' Mike Milbury says. "We went to Vegas and got s***faced on our retreat.'' Of course, that technique wasn't always successful."We (the 1995-96 New York Rangers) went undefeated in January, so they sent us to Vail for a couple of days for a retreat,'' Glenn Healy chimes in. "We sat in the hot tub and drank. Then we went and played Colorado in the first ABC nationally televised game of the year. We were down 6-0 after one and lost 7-1.'' (Heals was only responsible for the first ... six. He was yanked after one period.) Of course, new-age fitness-freak NHLers such as the Senators will likely not ... uh ... indulge in that manner on their retreat. (They're choirboys right! Right? Hello? Anyone? Bueller?) Still, Healy's story shows the dangers of downtime. What if this quiet bonding weekend turns into Meatballs 3? (Or 4. I can't remember how many they made.) Wait. I like it! It'd be "The wackiest feel-good hockey retreat movie in years!'' -- Roger Ebert.Here are some screenplay excerpts.- Scene 1: Team gathers in woods.Coach Paddock: "All right boys, first activity: Zip-lining! Who's up first?'' Martin Gerber: "I'll go No. 1, coach.'' Ray Emery: "Hey man, I'm No. 1.'' Gerber: "No, I'm No. 1.'' (This goes on for several minutes.) Ray: "Don't make me sic my snake on you, Marty.'' Paddock: "Enough! Marty goes first for now. And Ray, go change out of that baby blue suit. We're in the flippin' (It's a PG movie) forest!'' Ray: "Gotta look good, coach. Even for the squirrels.'' - Scene 7: Rookie forward Nick Foligno is hanging from a tree by his underwear, covered in honey.Foligno: "Hey guys this isn't funny! There are bears out here!'' Bear 1 (from behind a nearby tree): "So Larry, should we eat him?'' Bear 2: "Are you nuts, Steve? That McGrattan guy will hunt us down and make rugs out of us.'' Bear 1 (disappointed): "Great. Berries again for lunch.'' - Scene 12: Team gathers for dinner in resort restaurant.Cook: "And what would you like, Mr. Heatley.'' Dany Heatley: "I'll have the filet mignon, and I'm buying for everyone for the next six years!'' Waitress: "And what can I get for you, Mr. Spezza?'' Jason Spezza: "I want what Danny's getting, if you catch my drift.'' Just then, mischievous Christoph Schubert flings peas at Antoine Vermette.Patrick Eaves: "Food fight!'' The playful Mike Fisher fires a dinner roll at Gerber, but Anton Volchenkov leaps across the table and blocks it. Chaos ensues until a loud thud is heard.Chris Phillips: "It's Dean! Someone caught him with a baked potato!'' Dean McAmmond (rubbing his head): "I'm OK guys, but this is getting ridiculous.'' - Final Scene: Around the campfire singing songs Daniel Alfredsson: "Can we do Dancing Queen now?'' Team (in unison): "Nooooooooooo!'' Just then, loud noises are heard from the woods and a giant shadowy figure comes toward the fire.Joe Corvo: "Sasquatch!'' Brian McGrattan: :Yes! I've dreamt about this moment! I'll take him!'' Chris Kelly: "Wait. It's not Bigfoot.... It's.... Zdeno? Is that you?'' Zdeno Chara: "Please take me back guys. I'm begging you. I've been walking for three days. I should have never left Ottawa. I'm playing in front of Tim freaking Thomas. Help me.'' Coach Paddock: "Uh ... I don't think we have the budget.'' Wade Redden: "Tell me about it.'' Chara: "Oh crap. That's right. Well, can I have a marshmallow at least?'' Fisher: "Sure Z. Have a seat. Once a Sen, always a Sen!'' Chris Neil: "Except for Yashin!'' (Laughter all around.) Coach Paddock: "I'm proud of you guys. You've really come together this weekend. I think this could turn our season around.'' Alfredsson: "Uh coach, we're ... 8-1.'' * Paddock: "I know that. Don't get down on yourselves. Carolina is a good team. We'll get 'em next time.'' (*Victory tonight assumed.) James Duthie is the host of the NHL on TSN. James also blogs at ottawacitizen.com Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AD Posted October 20, 2007 Report Share Posted October 20, 2007 Time to dig out my Emery shirt! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Booche Posted October 20, 2007 Report Share Posted October 20, 2007 At least John Paddock agrees with me...sounds like Emery may get the start tonight vs. Florida.I am all kinds of awesome. Blow hard on that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
badams Posted October 20, 2007 Report Share Posted October 20, 2007 They way I figure it the Sens are good in goal with either player. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Booche Posted October 20, 2007 Report Share Posted October 20, 2007 One thing we can all agree with. The Sens on CBC is worlds better than the Laughs. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rubberdinghy Posted October 21, 2007 Author Report Share Posted October 21, 2007 5 and a game MY ASS! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Booche Posted October 21, 2007 Report Share Posted October 21, 2007 (edited) Is this the hit from Volchenkov (I think?) on ? and he went head first into the boards?And before I begin, keep in mind I need to see it again because we only saw it once during a flip in play from the MTL game.I didnt even think there was a penalty. Buddy seemed to turn as the hit was coming and I would expect ANY defenceman to be laying down that check. Edited October 21, 2007 by Guest removed the "nitpicking" comment Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rubberdinghy Posted October 21, 2007 Author Report Share Posted October 21, 2007 HOLY FUCKING SHEEPSHIT....Booche is agreeing with me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AD Posted October 21, 2007 Report Share Posted October 21, 2007 the hit on foligno was unpenalized (due to a goal, but was a penalty going to be called?) but then volchencov gets 5 and a game for almost the exact same hit. silly refs. oh well. 8-1. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rubberdinghy Posted October 21, 2007 Author Report Share Posted October 21, 2007 Yeah...the ref had his arm up on the Foligno hit. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SmoothedShredder Posted October 27, 2007 Report Share Posted October 27, 2007 Back to work eh? Man this has been a long week. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AD Posted October 28, 2007 Report Share Posted October 28, 2007 shocking news! the Sens won!! 9-1. Fuck, now just have to wait 5 days for the next game. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ollie Posted October 28, 2007 Report Share Posted October 28, 2007 Nice way to christen the new building, eh?Alfie scored the greatest garbage goal of all time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rubberdinghy Posted November 1, 2007 Author Report Share Posted November 1, 2007 Finally, another fucking Sens game...Looks like Emery will start...Spezza out with a groin injury... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AD Posted November 1, 2007 Report Share Posted November 1, 2007 the mini off-season was killing me Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rubberdinghy Posted November 2, 2007 Author Report Share Posted November 2, 2007 Like Joey would say...Whoa! that was close...Emery was a bit like a sieve.How bout Robitaille on the top line with Spezza out...Me Likey. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Booche Posted November 2, 2007 Report Share Posted November 2, 2007 Kovalchuk might win me some major coin if he keeps this up! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Low Roller Posted November 2, 2007 Report Share Posted November 2, 2007 Robitaille pulled a beauty move on his second goal. Highlight reel. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dave-O Posted November 2, 2007 Report Share Posted November 2, 2007 What the hell happened last night? I switched over to the more competitive Flyers-Habs game and all of the sudden Atlanta made a game of it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rubberdinghy Posted November 2, 2007 Author Report Share Posted November 2, 2007 1. Kovalchuk2. Emery3. Redden (because we like to blame him for everything) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dave-O Posted November 2, 2007 Report Share Posted November 2, 2007 I only saw the highlights of the 3rd, but Emery looked shaky on a couple of those goals. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rubberdinghy Posted November 2, 2007 Author Report Share Posted November 2, 2007 Emery seems to need to face alot of shots to be on his game...Until the 3rd he'd only faced 6 shots....First goal...weak 5 hole. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hal Johnson Posted November 2, 2007 Report Share Posted November 2, 2007 What the hell happened last night? I switched over to the more competitive Flyers-Habs game and all of the sudden Atlanta made a game of it.Niel tried his best to blow it for the Sens.Personally, I think he was just bored. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ollie Posted November 2, 2007 Report Share Posted November 2, 2007 I blame Freak By Night for leaving with 10 minutes left in the third. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ollie Posted November 2, 2007 Report Share Posted November 2, 2007 Spezza for Seven! Spezza for Seven! Spezza for Seven! Spezza for Seven! Spezza for Seven! Spezza for Seven! Spezza for Seven! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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