Kaidy Mae Posted October 12, 2005 Report Share Posted October 12, 2005 Dave, the only thing that got me out of bed this morning was my newly adjusted mantra... three more days three more days three more days three more days three more days three more days three more days three more days three more days three more days three more days Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AdamH Posted October 12, 2005 Report Share Posted October 12, 2005 I know it's not a simple thing, but if it comes out of your mouth without planning it and you feel no hesitation, it is/was the right time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
h Posted October 12, 2005 Report Share Posted October 12, 2005 I wasnt able to read everyones post so maybe this has been said, but if it was me...I'd just start sticking it in casually here and there until it starts being normal. Like at the end of phone conversations. "Ok bye bye luv ya!"so it's not the big ominous statement and there is no expectations of it being said back right away. This gives them a chance to work up to it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steve from Cleveland Posted October 12, 2005 Report Share Posted October 12, 2005 (edited) The Heinlein quote is not about making your wellbeing and happiness (directly) dependent on another's, it's stating that if they are, then that's love.Aloha,BradUmmm... That's still codependency as far as I'm concerned... From www.coda.org[signs of Co-dependency]:I perceive myself as completely unselfish and dedicated to the well being of others.I value others' approval of my thinking, feelings and behavior over my own.I have to be "needed" in order to have a relationship with others.[among others]If you're happiness is contingent on the happiness of another, then by their (CODA) definition, you're co-dependent. That doesn't mean that we shouldn't want others to be happy, only that our happiness shouldn't be dependent on whether or not someone else is... This is why MOST co-dependent people claim that they are in "LOVE" with someone, when actually they aren't, they just have love confused with dependency. I think there's a million healthy ways to define love, but having one's happiness be dependant on that of another, certainly is not one of them. And, I do have some experience with this subject, too, I'm not just talking out my ass...Just my $.02...Steve Edited October 12, 2005 by Guest Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tooly Posted October 12, 2005 Report Share Posted October 12, 2005 i like H's idea, kinda ease it inim reminded of the 70s show when donna tells eric that she loves him, and he chokes, and tells donna that he loves cake. whatever you do, dont do that! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
d_rawk Posted October 13, 2005 Report Share Posted October 13, 2005 Hmm. I think the Heilein quote went off the rails because of the million differing ideas of what happiness is. The point I took from it was that love was recognizing that someone else's reality might in fact be as relevant, valid, and worthy of consideration as your own.This is the kernel of wisdom behind "love your neighbour as yourself" type thoughts. Damn it, I recently saw a comprehensive list of how that sentiment is worded across the various religious/spiritual traditions, with direct references to the texts - but don't remember where I saw it.As bradm said, it isn't restricted to romantic love.Also: definitions of (pathological) co-dependency that come out of a (quite possibly pathological itself) culture that promotes "every man for himself" self-achievement-at-the-cost-of-all-others may or may not be worth a damn. I'm inclined to think "may not". I run into a lot of hungry people downtown. *shrug*Extra Also: you don't think we're all co-dependent? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steve from Cleveland Posted October 13, 2005 Report Share Posted October 13, 2005 Hmm. I think the Heilein quote went off the rails because of the million differing ideas of what happiness is. The point I took from it was that love was recognizing that someone else's reality might in fact be as relevant, valid, and worthy of consideration as your own.This is the kernel of wisdom behind "love your neighbour as yourself" type thoughts. Damn it, I recently saw a comprehensive list of how that sentiment is worded across the various religious/spiritual traditions, with direct references to the texts - but don't remember where I saw it.As bradm said, it isn't restricted to romantic love.Also: definitions of (pathological) co-dependency that come out of a (quite possibly pathological itself) culture that promotes "every man for himself" self-achievement-at-the-cost-of-all-others may or may not be worth a damn. I'm inclined to think "may not". I run into a lot of hungry people downtown. *shrug*Extra Also: you don't think we're all co-dependent?Yeah... I mean, I see your point... And I do think that in a sense we ARE all co-dependent. I mean it's kind of like a mobeus. Making people I like happy makes me happy, they're happy because I'm happy, and so on... We are social animals, so if we didn't get some sort of enjoyment (happiness) from positive, meaningful relationships with others, we probably wouldn't have them, or desire to...I guess the point I was trying to make is that there is a line there, between desiring that a friend or partner be happy (enough to try and contribute to their happiness) and having one's OWN happiness be totally contingent on the happiness of that friend or partner. Does that make any sense? A personal example... I have a friend, who I really love, on many different levels... Essentially, I wanted to be in/maintain a romantic relationship with her so bad, that I began to do things that made me unhappy, simply because they made her happy. If she was happy, I felt worthwhile... However, that put me in the position of doormat. I wasn't validating the way I really felt about things. Resultantly, I felt 'used' quite often. In a sense, I was happy, insofar as I was maintaining a relationship with her; but I became more and more unhappy as I came to the realization that the relationship I so desired was extremely unhealthy. i don't know if that makes ANY sense. I'm very tired, and I've had a devestatingly awful day... I need to sleep. I can elaborate more later if that doesn't make sense... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sunshine Posted October 13, 2005 Report Share Posted October 13, 2005 (edited) From relationship to relationship, from year to year, as I got older the meaning of "LOVE" and "I love you" seemed to change.Without writing a 20 page essay... the simple way to state this is Love at age 20 is going to feel different then love at age 28, or 40.It doesn't mean that love at a younger age isn't real, it's just different. And as you grow, learn, and experience this word and feeling called "love"... it will change with you.Don't be scared to love, and don't be scared to hurt - because unfortunately those two words tend to work hand-in-hand. Edited October 13, 2005 by Guest Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
badams Posted October 13, 2005 Report Share Posted October 13, 2005 Love sucks Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Booche Posted October 13, 2005 Report Share Posted October 13, 2005 Love sucks You are defining it all wrong my good man. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
badams Posted October 13, 2005 Report Share Posted October 13, 2005 You are defining it all wrong my good man. That doesn't suck Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
d_rawk Posted October 19, 2005 Report Share Posted October 19, 2005 This thread is already good and dead, but just saw Steve's post and thought it would be rude not to reply.Steve: I hear ya. I've been there too, and part of getting older and wiser was realizing that I'm a neighbour, too. I do this ego/conceited/self-love routine, and its source and its value is that it compensates for - and balances against - the fact that I'm prone to think that other people's needs are fundamentally more legitimate or important than my own (which seems noble at the surface level, but in the end does *nobody* any good ... as for you, it was a 'hard way' lesson for me to learn)Sunshine: I hear ya. Ties in quite nicely with Steve's post, as a matter of fact. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sunshine Posted October 19, 2005 Report Share Posted October 19, 2005 SoyToy - did you end up figuring out if you are "in love", and did you say "I love you"?just curious how it all worked out for you.....Nothing like a good love story, or potential love story gone wrong... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MamaPink Posted October 19, 2005 Report Share Posted October 19, 2005 You should ask Phishphart - he seems to be the expert on what and who should be loved. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now