Could Trey be related to...

[NewRider]

[Lazlo]

I hope not, Chuck Norris is so much cooler.

[Tooly]

heard the funniest chuck norris thing on Q the other day, similar to the whole vin diesel thing, chuck norris's spinkick is faster than the speed of sound, chuck norris invented the internet with a roundhouse spinkick and so on and so forth

hilarious

[Tooly]

found it, thanks to my good friend google

Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. But he is so badass, he has never cried. Ever.

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris, you may be only seconds away from death.

Chuck Norris has counted to infinity. Twice.

Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers

the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.

Chuck Norris doesn’t wash his clothes, he disembowels them.

Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a fucking Indian.

In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone else has ever gotten.

There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.

Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.

Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the fuck down.

Chuck Norris is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing.

If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.

Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.

Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse-kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.

Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.

Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.

Chuck Norris doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out.

When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever.

The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.

A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.

The opening scene of the movie "Saving Private Ryan" is loosely based on games of dodgeball Chuck Norris played in second grade.

Chuck Norris once shot down a German plane with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"

Chuck Norris once bet NASA he could survive re-entry without a spacesuit. On July 19th, 1999, a naked Chuck Norris re-entered the earth's atmosphere, streaking over 14 states and reaching a temperature of 3000 degrees. An embarrassed NASA publically claimed it was a meteor, and still owes him a beer.

Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell them there was a stripper in it.

Chuck Norris has two speeds: Walk and Kill.

Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.

Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris

Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother’s womb.

If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the fuck down.

In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.

There are no weapons of mass destruction. Just Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris invented the bolt-action rifle, liquor, and football-- in that order.

Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

[Ms.Huxtable]

HAhaha. Thanks Tooly!

[NewRider]

yeah there's a Mr. T one as well... not as funny as the Chuck ones...

There are only four horsemen of the apocalypse, because Mr. T is going to walk.

Mr. T invented fools. Realizing the magnitude of his folly, he then created Pity.

You have only seen Mr. T in human form. In Narnia, he is a T. Rex with a lion's tail hanging out of his mouth.

Mr. T's pity for fools is used by mathematicians as a demonstration of the concept of infinity.

Mr. T once rocked the Casbah. Which explains why there is no longer a Casbah.

23. That's the number of people Mr. T has pitied in the time it has taken you to read this sentence.

Mr.T once punched Chuck Norris at the exact moment he roundhouse kicked Mr.T in the chest. The result was the 80's.

Mr. T's edition of the VH1 show 'Where Are They Now' was the shortest in the show's history. It was 10 seconds long, and consisted of a black screen with the words "Right Behind You" written on it.

Mr. T is allergic to doorknobs. That's why he can only kick through doors.

Mr. T once pitied the sun. An ice age followed.

In 1995, Mr. T was diagnosed with B-cell lymphoma but he pitied his own fool cells until the disease turned into T-cell lymphoma. Upon closer inspection by doctors, the cancerous T-cells now had mohawks, gold chains around their nucleus and were tired of the other cell's jibba-jabba.

They say when a bear is chasing a group of people, you don't have to outrun the bear, but only have to be faster than the slowest person. If Mr. T is chasing you, you're dead no matter what.

The last time Mr. T went to McDonald's, Ronald McDonald greeted him. What occured next proved to be the most violent beating of a clown ever recorded in human history.

Mr. T's sperm is so strong it could impregnate a man.

On all 3428 instances it occured, when Mr. T and Chuck Norris both 'deflower' the same woman, the resulting spermal battles have caused the woman's uterus to explode in a flurry of pity and roundhouse kicks.

In 1989, Mr. T systematically killed every member of the band "MR. MISTER" for stealing his first name.

Before Mr. T, the alphabet only had 25 letters.

Mr. T's incredible greatness has been attributed to the fact that his genetic code doesn't have any A, G, or C. His genetic code is in fact, nothing but T's.

Behind every great man, there is a great woman. Behind that woman is Mr. T.

Mr. T is not black. It's just that the sun is to afraid to shine on him.

Despite popular belief, if there is a fool in the woods, and nobody is around to hear his jibba jabba, Mr. T is still able to pity him.

Mr. T was fired from the Psychic Friends Network for always predicting pain.

Sticks and stones may break your bones but Mr T. will also crush your internal organs.

It took five women 2 years to give birth to Mr. T.

Why does Mr. T wear still have his mohawk? Cause his reflection pities the fool who don't!

Mr. T doesn't feel pain, pain feels Mr. T

Every time Mr. T pities the fool, a pornstar regains her virginity. Then proceeds to lose it to Mr. T.

Rome wasn't built in a day. But if Mr. T had assisted, it sure as hell would've been.

Mr. T was originally cast to play Arnold Jackson on Diff'rent Strokes. Unfortunately every time he said, "whatchoo talkin' 'bout, Willis?" Willis shit himself.

[kookycanooky]

Chuck Norris will eat your soul for a Klondike Bar.

[Lazlo]

I'll do it for less.

[Jay Funk Dawg]

http://www.youtube.com/w/PHISH-SNL-02-12-14-Skit1?v=BIJSAXdMzbc&search=PHISH

Trey compared to Chuck Norris on SNL

[Hartamophone]

That was great, Jaydawg. The only thing I had seen from that episode were the musical performances.

[Schwa.]

Chuck Norris built my hotrod

[Lazlo]

Chuck Norris built my hotrod

How many roundhouses and bad puns did it take.