Trailer Park Boy

[Rob Not Bob]

Earl McRae catches up with Randy, who weighs in on his cheeseburger

addiction, his relationship with Mr. Lahey, guns and pot

By EARL MCRAE, OTTAWA SUN

Trailer Park Boy Randy, a.k.a, Patrick Roach, shows off his 5-foot-9,

212-lb. frame -- aided by a (un)healthy dose of cheeseburgers. (Jason Ransom

SUN)

At the Travelodge Ottawa West, I knock on a door, it flies open, and there's

Randy -- naked from the waist up, his big bare gut hanging out.

"Mr. Lahey will be back later," he says. "He went out somewhere."

And then, sweeping his arm at the room: "Wow. Luxury, eh? I didn't think

anything could be nicer than Sunnyvale."

Sunnyvale, as in Sunnyvale Trailer Park in Nova Scotia that

cheeseburger-addict Randy helps run with his boss, the boozing, ex-cop Mr.

Lahey, in the hit Canadian TV show Trailer Park Boys when they're not being

driven insane by the antics of trailer-dwellers %$#@ Ricky, (censored)

Bubbles, and (expletive deleted) Julian.

Randy and Mr. Lahey are in the capital as part of their cross-Canada tour --

last night's stop at Algonquin College where a get-together with their rabid

local fans was sold out in advance.

Randy, you've never hidden the fact you were once a male prostitute; have

you really given it up?

ON THE PATCH

"I'll never say never. If if I fall on hard times, it's always there for me.

It was a good living. I never took money, only coupons for cheeseburgers."

Your cheeseburgers thing, how many do you eat in a week?

"Well, actually, I have a confession, eh?"

A confession?

"I'm on the cheeseburger patch."

WHAT? But, Randy, you love cheeseburgers.

"I do. But I'm trying to lose weight, eh?" He pats his gut. "I'm

five-foot-nine, 212-and-a-half pounds. I'm down to four or five

cheeseburgers a week from around 15. I've switched to sausages. It's not

easy because I love cheeseburgers. That's why I don't have the patch on now.

I just had a nap. If I wear the patch when I'm sleeping, it makes me dream

of cheeseburgers, eh?"

A dreamy look comes into his eyes. "Cheeseburgers resemble life itself, they

resemble relationships with people."

They do?

"Well, think about it. You've got two soft buns and a big piece of meat

between them."

Er, uh, right. Which brings me to my next question -- are you and Mr. Lahey

in a gay relationship with each other? Don't duck it, I want the truth.

"Shouldn't everybody be? Gay's a word that means happy so what's wrong with

being happy?"

You're ducking, Randy.

"Every man has at least 25% gay in him. With me and Mr. Lahey, it's about

50%. I have a high level of respect for Mr. Lahey. We party, we sometimes do

certain things together, but it's nobody's business, eh?"

Sounds like you ducked it, Randy -- what are your views on same-sex

marriage?

"I'm for it. Otherwise, it's boring. We need something new. Variety is the

spice of life, eh?"

Are you and Mr. Lahey planning to get married? Randy frowns.

"His liquor could be a problem. It's a little extreme, eh? Mr. Lahey says it

makes him think clearer. I have great respect for Mr. Lahey, but I'd get

tired of cleaning up all his pee stains. Talking of pee stains, that's why I

never wear a shirt."

A macho statement?

"No, no. I know I look great with my shirt off, but no, it was the horse."

Horse?

"Years ago, a horse peed on me. Like a fire hose, eh? Mr. Lahey said the

horse's pee did something to my upper body that makes the skin break out in

rashes and sores if any kind of fabric touches it. The band Rush? Bubbles

loves Rush eh? Alex Lifeson of the band gave Bubbles a Rush T-shirt and

Bubbles forced it on me. I tore it off within 10 seconds."

Good thing the horse didn't pee on your lower body as well, you'd have to go

around naked.

"Yeah. Then people would want to touch more things than just my gut, eh? I'd

have to take a chance and wear a loose-fitting skirt. My gut's a thing

everywhere I go. 'Hey, Randy, show us your gut.' People ask if they can rub

my gut, pat my gut, take pictures of my gut. They even ask me to sign their

own guts. I don't mind. I like it. As long as it's just my gut."

SHOT IN BUM

I must admit that, as guts go, it is, uh, a lovely one -- tell me, Randy,

what's your position on the banning of hand guns? Mr. Lahey sometimes

carries a gun.

"At Sunnyvale, he needs it. It'd be good for Ricky, though. He's shot

himself in his bum and in his foot."

The decriminalization of marijuana that the politicians in Ottawa have

talked about?

"That'd scare me. I mean, Ricky -- what would he do if he wasn't selling

dope and making money? He might then do worse things, eh? Like stealing

money from me and Mr. Lahey. Smoking marijuana does strange things to

people. It drives me to cheeseburgers."

Maybe you should give up the cheeseburgers patch and do cheeseburger

commercials on TV.

"Yeah, eh? Only if they gave me a card good for cheeseburgers anywhere in

the world." He grins. "And a lifetime supply." He pats his gut.

[Tooly]

cheeseburger patch is golden!!

[gentlemonkey]

Does Randy, or any of the characters for that matter, usually say 'eh?' this much? or at all ?

I wonder if they are making the characters and show even more 'distinctly Canadian' this year..

:crazy:

[Velvet]

When does the movie come out?

[bouche]

I'm pretty sure that Earl "i'm not funny" McRae made up the whole thing himself while watching the DVD's.

it just reeks of his complete lack of subject knowledge. I don't know why he had to focus so much of the blah humour on cheeseburgers.

[Davey Boy 2.0]

yeah it at least seems doctored up a bit