Cowboys are my Weakness (by Larry David)

[AdamH]

Somebody had to write this, and it might as well be me. I haven't seen "Brokeback Mountain," nor do I have any intention of seeing it.

In fact, cowboys would have to lasso me, drag me into the theater and tie me to the seat, and even then I would make every effort to close my eyes and cover my ears.

And I love gay people. Hey, I've got gay acquaintances. Good acquaintances, who know they can call me anytime if they had my phone number.

I'm for gay marriage, gay divorce, gay this and gay that. I just don't want to watch two straight men, alone on the prairie, fall in love and kiss and hug and hold hands and whatnot. That's all.

Is that so terrible? Does that mean I'm homophobic? And if I am, well, then that's too bad. Because you can call me any name you want, but I'm still not going to that movie.

To my surprise, I have some straight friends who've not only seen the movie but liked it.

"One of the best love stories ever," one gushed. Another went on, "Oh, my God, you completely forget that it's two men. You in particular will love it."

"Why me?"

"You just will, trust me."

But I don't trust him. If two cowboys, male icons who are 100 percent all-man, can succumb, what chance to do I have, half- to a quarter of a man, depending on whom I'm with at the time?

I'm a very susceptible person, easily influenced, a natural-born follower with no sales-resistance. When I walk into a store, clerks wrestle one another trying to get to me first. My wife won't let me watch infomercials because of all the junk I've ordered that's now piled up in the garage. My medicine cabinet is filled with vitamins and bald cures.

So who's to say I won't become enamored with the whole gay business? Let's face it, there is some appeal there. I know I've always gotten along great with men. I never once paced in my room rehearsing what to say before asking a guy if he wanted to go to the movies.

And I generally don't pay for men, which of course is their most appealing attribute.

And gay guys always seem like they're having a great time. At the Christmas party I went to, they were the only ones who sang. Boy that looked like fun. I would love to sing, but this weighty, self-conscious heterosexuality I'm saddled with won't permit it.

I just know if I saw that movie, the voice inside my head that delights in torturing me would have a field day. "You like those cowboys, don't you? They're kind of cute. Go ahead, admit it, they're cute. You can't fool me, gay man. Go ahead, stop fighting it. You're gay! You're gay!"

Not that there's anything wrong with it.

(Larry David appears in the HBO series ''Curb Your Enthusiasm.'')

[zero]

It's funny about the last thing I said to Marc. Actually it was the last thing before I left Pepper Jack's had to do with Larry David.

Marc was up in the green room just chilling out checking his cell phone and I asked if he needed anything of whatever. He just said he was 'getting out of the muck and the mire'. It cracked me up because it was obviously a reference to the third season of Curb You Enthusiasm when Larry invests in a restaurant. They're days away from opening and have no chef and Larry's more concerned with installing splash guards between the urinals. The other investors say 'we're really in the mire here' and Larry turns to Jeff saying 'well are we in the muck too, I mean if we're in the mire presumably there's also muck' - the clarification greatly concerns Larry. Sounds so much like the Slip these days. Things falling down around their heads and they want to clarify whether they're in both the muck AND the mire.

[Davey Boy 2.0]

larry doesn't seem to write in that blog too often, coming up on a year now

[Booche]

[edger]

Where's your martini glasses?

[peipunk]

::boner::