Music Gets a 6.8

[AD]

CHICAGO— Music, a mode of creative expression consisting of sound and silence expressed through time, was given a 6.8 out of 10 rating in an review published Monday on Pitchfork Media, a well-known music-criticism website.

According to the review, authored by Pitchfork editor in chief Ryan Schreiber, the popular medium that predates the written word shows promise but nonetheless "leaves the listener wanting more."

"Music's first offering, an eclectic, disparate, but mostly functional compendium of influences from 5000 B.C. to present day, hints that this trend's time may not only have fully arrived, but is already on the wane," Schreiber wrote. "If music has any chance of keeping our interest, it's going to have to move beyond the same palatable but predictable notes, meters, melodies, tonalities, atonalities, timbres, and harmonies."

Schreiber's semi-favorable review, which begins in earnest after a six-paragraph preamble comprising a long list of baroquely rendered, seemingly unrelated anecdotes peppered with obscure references, summarizes music as a "solid but uninspired effort."

"Coming in at an exhausting 7,000 years long, music is weighed down by a few too many mid- tempo tunes, most notably 'Liebesträume No. 3 in A flat' by Franz Liszt and 'Closing Time' by '90s alt-rock group Semisonic," Schreiber wrote. "In the end, though music can be brilliant at times, the whole medium comes off as derivative of Pavement."

While Schreiber concedes that music is still "trying to find its aesthetic," he also claims the form has not yet lived up to the lavish praise heaped on it by pop culture journalist Chuck Klosterman and 19th-century French romantic composer and critic Hector Berlioz, among others.

Schreiber concludes his critique by calling on music to develop a more cohesive sound in its future releases.

"We can only hope that [music] will begin to grow with its fans over the next few millennia," Schreiber said. "If it can stick to what it does well, namely the song 'Peg' by Steely Dan, and Tuvan throat singing, then a sophomore effort will indeed be something to get excited about."

The review has split the music community, with many decrying Pitchfork's lukewarm reception of music as a contrarian move designed to propel the publication's tastemaker status.

"It's elitism for the sake of elitism," said Rolling Stone senior editor David Fricke, who refuted Pitchfork's middling rating, describing the entire art form as "transcendent." "I've been listening to music for over 30 years, and it's consistently some of the best stuff out there."

Despite music's defenders, the Pitchfork review has made a deep impression on the thousands of music fans who slavishly follow the website's advice when it comes to enjoying things.

"Music used to be great, but let's be honest, it's a 6.8 now at best," said Los Angeles resident Lowell Radler, 23, who admitted that he just looked at the rating rather than reading the whole review. "I seriously might never listen to music again."

Still, most analysts agreed that the impact of Pitchfork's scathing review of music will be dampened by the 2.4 rating it received from Pitchfork staff writer Dave Maher just moments after the initial critique was published online. Maher termed Schreiber's assessment of music "overwrought, masturbatory posturing intended to make insecure hipsters feel as if they're part of some imagined elite beau monde.

[mister slippery]

that's fantastic!

great read.

[d_rawk]

Awesome

Source?

[edit:] ah, should have guessed

Edited September 12, 2007 by Guest

[Hal Johnson]

"I've been listening to music for over 30 years, and it's consistently some of the best stuff out there."

Thats freakin profound shit.

Edited September 12, 2007 by Guest

[boiler]

Did Luke write that? Seems like something he would write. I've actually read that post twice now. The second time I replaced "music" with "kung" and found it rather amusing.

[dave-O]

I read this profound - and dead serious - reply to the Onion article on another site and just had to share. I don't want to spoil it, but please at least read the last line.

To rate music overall as a 6.8 makes sense.

Music has evolved quite a shitload since the baroque era. after that it progressed to the Mozart/Beethoven (Classical) era. Then by the early 1800s, it progressed into the Romantic period and composers like Wagner and Brahms and Liszt all came about... which is pretty much where it peaked as far as virtuosity goes. Then humans became obsessed with associating all forms of music with a drum-beat. Pop/Rock music is born and still to this today corrodes our minds.

You could also take into the account that 200-300 years ago only wealthy people could actually afford instruments, let alone play them. And also keep in mind that right around when pop music took over, it was when music was firstly able to be distributed on records and such. Some blame the phonograph/stereo for the depreciation in music quality over the past few decades.

As far as I'm concerned, the only music out there today that is constantly getting better is within the metal genre. It's the only type of music that can even compare to what classical music was a few centuries ago... And the beats (drums) associated with the music aren't your standard run of the mill 4/4 pop beats (usually). Metal is complex and demands precision. Unfortunately, the only people who see this are metalheads. People who don't like metal usually just discard it as noise, and a lot of the time the main complaint I hear is "I can't hear what the singer is saying". And that's another thing altogether - how we associate music with words most of the time... so it's harder for them to get it in their heads I guess... I'll listen to something in Norwegian/Finnish just as quick as I will with an English spoken band because I'm not listening to the words - I'm listening to the music. And that also may have something to do with it. I personally find Finnish to sound more "epic" of a language than english, especially on clean vocals in most instances.

To rate music overall as a 6.8 makes sense. as far as metal goes, I'd give it at least a 9 as far as today's metal goes. Metal is the new classical. Seriously, if Beethoven was alive today he'd play metal.

[AD]

I'm really digging Apocolyptica's translations of classic Metallica, Faith No More, Pantera and Sepultura. With 4 cellos and no distortion or shitty recording noise you can really hear what's going on and it's incredible. I really recommend listening to a few tracks of "Plays Metallica by Four Cellos" and also the translation of "One" from "Inquisition Symphony."

I'll sendspace One when I get home from work tonight, so check back later.

[Davey Boy 2.0]

awesome, you gotta love manifestos from the fringe

edit to add- v. interested to hear it AD (seriously)

Edited September 13, 2007 by Guest