Esau Posted January 8, 2004 Report Share Posted January 8, 2004 quote: In a stunning pre New Years Eve gambit, rumors flew in San Francisco as the guitar-player-to-be-named-later trade deadline loomed. The blockbuster 8 team deal would see Rob Barraco being sent back to the Zen Tricksters, Warren Haynes form yet another band, Dickie Betts and Greg Allman moving to Jefferson Starship (which will be renamed the "Jefferson Brothers Band") and adding Sherman Helmsley and 'Mother Olivia Jefferson'. Hot Tuna would pick up a keyboardist to be named later, Fleetwood Mac would lose Stevie Nicks who replaces Joan Osbourne with 'The Dead' but only if she can fit in her old hippie dress and twirl around the stage. Finally Vince Welnick said that the "Missing Man Formation" would take in any of the strays and rename itself "Putting out the Trash". Comments came from far and wide. Mick Jagger stated "We're just glad that we get to keep Keith." Richards was in Sweden attending to another blood-change-out, or trysting with a 15 year old Swedish transsexual and could not be reached for comment. Haynes has played with Phil Lesh, who has apparently disbanded the Phil Lesh Quintet because 3 of the 5 players in that band are now with The Dead. Johnny Molo's stock took an apparent dive when Mickey Hart and Billy Kreutzmann blocked a bid to have him join the Dead as a third drummer. " We hear that he is planning a hair transplant," Hart exclaimed, " and we want to avoid the problems that are bound to arise if he gets the follicles of an asshole". The trade rumors started when the Dead announced they were sending Barraco back to the minor leagues and putting Joan Osbourne on waivers. Dennis McNally held a press conference and stated that the Osbourne move came at the behest of Cameron Sears. "Cameron thought that Joan's thighs were too big and that she dressed really poorly". Review of backstage rumors however found scuttlebutt, that the move was apparently demanded by Bob Weir. Weir appeared nonplussed at previous shows when he wasn't the only vocalist, and was reportedly very negative about Osbourne in private quarters citing the Dead's longstanding history of male vocal domination. Even Grace Slick weighed in on this , threatening Weir with a rifle on the streets of Mill Valley late last Friday. "We demand that all the women vocalists with big thighs be given fair shake", Slick was overheard screaming at a Mill Valley law enforcement officer. Warren Haynes is busy. Along with Gov't Mule, he is now in t the Dead, the Allman Brothers and is starting a new project, "What Band am I in Again?" Hopes are Haynes will be able to perform without the benefit of sheet music and lyrics on stage. Paul Kantner is apparently excited about the additions to Starship. 'While we fought long and hard against the name change, Sherman Helmsley convinced us that if we wanted to continue 'movin' on up' with the hopes of getting out of the bars and into the sheds this summer, we had to make a drastic move". No one knows exactly what music the Jefferson Brothers Band will have on top, but Carlos Santana stated that he hoped they would move away from 'white boy psychedelia' and finally get a little ethnic. A late move to have "Weesie" added to the band was blocked by Marty Balin. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
snarfmaster C Posted January 8, 2004 Report Share Posted January 8, 2004 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
guigsy Posted January 8, 2004 Report Share Posted January 8, 2004 hilarious. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Esau Posted January 8, 2004 Author Report Share Posted January 8, 2004 The Dead & Warren Haynes~ quote: The Dead have announced that theyve joined Warren Haynes. This was quicky followed by an announcement from Phish that they've also joined Warren Haynes. SCI followed, as did Moe. Phil Lesh announced that Phil and friends would henceforth be called Warren and the other Guys. Relix quickly sent out a press release saying that they will no longer cover any band that didnt have Warren Haynes as a member, because without Warren a band couldnt really "jam". Left out in the cold were Yonder Mountain String Band. Jeff Austin commented: "we asked to join Warren Haynes, but there wasnt room in his schedule to accomodate us. besides, he said that he can't play bluegrass". Warren has sold his home and bought a double decker double wide so he can be on tour 365 days a year. All Jambands have cancelled their New Years plans, and will instead participate in the Warren Haynes New Years Spectacular, a 5 day festival where Warren will play a single set with all 37 bands who have now joined him. Location is rumored to be "wherever the hell Warren is". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jay sanislo Posted January 8, 2004 Report Share Posted January 8, 2004 thanks greg that brightened up my morning Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CyberHippie Posted January 8, 2004 Report Share Posted January 8, 2004 quote: Warren Haynes is busy. Along with Gov't Mule, he is now in t the Dead, the Allman Brothers and is starting a new project, "What Band am I in Again?" LOL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elemeno Posted January 8, 2004 Report Share Posted January 8, 2004 i was reading that on the philzone the other day and had a great laugh over it. some of the vince welnick bashing from the same day was great to read as well.. quote 2/16/03 Vince and Friends Wal-Mart, Pet Department Fishkill, NY WalMart Jingle Tuning Jam> Wal Mart Jingle (full suite)> Samba in the Rain> Way to Go Home (v.1)> Samba in the Rain> Way to Go Home (v.2)> Samba in the Rain> Casio Space>^ Way to Go Home (v.3)> Samba in the Rain> Way to Go Home (chorus sung over and over)> Rollback Pricing Announcement* Encore: WalMart Jingle Reprise ^Casio space. Vince examines each of the sound keys on his synth (over 100) while playing the opening notes to St. Stephen with each one. *First Rollback Pricing Announcement since 4/25/98 [same venue] the scene was pretty laid-back. Security offered no hassles getting in. Audience tapes will have some extra noise due to the lady screaming about the proper food for her ferret. Vince played for about three hours without a break (what a stud) overall, a great way to end the tour. STATS: Song of the tour: Samba in the Rain Top 3 shows: Timmy’s birthday party; Hoboken Arby’s, and NY State Throuway rest stop 146 Special Guest: Lavar, the drunken crackhead who sat in on 11/30/03; playing the plastic recycling bin on “Proud to be and American” Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lady wa Fan Posted January 8, 2004 Report Share Posted January 8, 2004 quote:Warren has sold his home and bought a double decker double wide so he can be on tour 365 days a year.That can't be too far from the truth! LOL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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