The funniest posting's on craigs list

[woo.]

I found this in the best of craigs list section, and have been laughing about it all day. Has anyone else found anything good?

Guess what,

I was cleaning out my closet and I found 47 pairs of BRIGHT NEON MC Hammer pants. I was going to burn them and dance around the flames to try to make it rain or something, but I thought that maybe somebody would want these. They are absolutely the worst pants of all time. I can't remember being stupid enough to buy these, but I must have been. Either that or MC Hammer owes me a bunch of rent money. I have them all in a huge garbage sack sitting on the sidewalk. If you want them you must just come pick up the bag and drive away. If anybody comes up and tears the bag and spills those hideous things into the street where my neighbors can see, I will be very unhappy. Garbage collection is on Monday so if they aren't gone Mr. BFI gets them.

If you want this garbage, email me and I will give you instructions.

[bouche]

how much?

[kookycanooky]

Meet Your Three New Best Friends!

---

Date: 2007-04-20, 6:29PM CDT

Mattress, Box Spring, Bed Frame and I met 8 months ago when I was new to Austin. They were new themselves, not just to Austin, but to life as the makings of a Twin bed set in general. We met at ACL; more specifically in the H-E-B Zilker Beach Playground. The four of us were sitting on plastic Adirondack chairs, enjoying the misting fans and watching Wolf Parade perform on the nearest stage, when some ACL volunteer came up and gruffly told us to get out of the playground.

Well, what could we do? All four of us knew we were in the wrong. There were signs were plastered everywhere: “Children and Parents Onlyâ€. We all pretended otherwise, though, offering sheepish apologies and pleading ignorance as we filed out of the snow-fenced area. Out once again among the sweaty masses, Mattress started laughing quietly to himself. Box Spring smiled and chuckled, and soon a comradely was formed around our shared exile from the kiddy oasis.

From there, we ended up hitting it off famously. We hung out together until well past Van Morrison that night, doing the Sixth street thing and ending it all at Kirby Lane. I asked if they had a place to crash for the night and none of them did. The rest, as they say, is history.

As I ready myself for my move back to New York, I grow teary-eyed at the prospect of leaving such good friends behind as Mattress, Box Spring, and Bed Frame. I promised to help them find a new place, so here they are, your three new best friends!

A) Here’s Mattress, making another one of his world-class vegetarian meals. Mattress graduated from the New England Culinary Institute at Montpelier among the top of his class. While he is knowledgeable in nearly all the food arts, he holds his specialty in dessert pastries, particularly Hungarian Nut Rolls.

There’s ‘ole Box Spring, at it again on the weight bench. Just off camera to the right is Box Spring’s ancient boom box, which has only known the love of two CD’s: The Best of Van Halen, volumes I and II. It’s not that he doesn’t like other music; he just finds it pumps him up while he’s pumping up. We know he’s moved on to the free weights because you can hear “Panama†all the way in the kitchen.

C) Bed Frame insisted that I use this picture of him posing with his prized moose head, even though I told him it might not endear him to certain craigslist viewers. Innocent moose slaughter aside, Bed Frame is a great guy. He spends his days as an LPN at Shady Pines Nursing Home and most nights at the local Boys and Girls Club teaching basketball fundamentals to underprivileged youth. He’s a real three-point specialist, but as you might imagine he’s a bit porous on defense.

When I asked them what they thought they were worth, they told me they retail for $240. They recognize they’re no spring chickens, but they keep themselves in immaculate condition and figured they’re still worth about $99 or thereabouts, negotiable. And that’s without all the intangibles that make them such great companions.

D) Look, it’s Mattress, Box Spring and Bed Frame, out on the patio for their Sunday afternoon ritual, “Coffee, Confections and Conversation!†It looks like there’s room for one more at the table today. Could that spot be reserved...for you?

[Ol'Hickster]

I Want a pair of Neon MC Hammer Pants!..... Hammer Time!

[woo.]

kookycanooky that is just the weirdest post I have ever seen!!!

[bouche]

I Want a pair of Neon MC Hammer Pants!..... Hammer Time!

me too. i'm still waiting for the price.

[bONES]

guy that flashed me on i-90

Date: 2007-10-18, 1:57PM EDT

Dear Man who flashed me on I-90.

I was in the passenger side of my friends car, on a quiet saturday driving home from crossgates mall. I am usually driving, so i was taking this time as a passenger to take in the beauty that is I-90.

As i am innocently gazing out my window, i notice a large blue chevy i belive pick up truck 2 lanes over. Normally i would of not looked twice but something caught my eye.

You sir were waving wildly at me, thinking i might know you, i took my sunglasses off to get a better look at you.

Some movement again caught my eye, you were no longer waving at me, but fiddaling with your pants. This should of been a sign to turn away, but i was confused.

Thats when it happend. You some how managed to keep one foot on the gas, along with your right hand on the steering wheel. and in a matter of seconds were able to stand up with your whole front body facing me (which im still baffled how you managed to do this ans drive)

you then started pelvic thrusting your 'cash and prizes' in my direction, while laughing hysterically, like i just opend a can of peanuts, but a snake made out of springs popped out. This action looked much like any movie where you see a male stripper pelvic thrusting, but unlike its done in the movies usually with the saftey of boxer shorts, or tight black pants like the Chippendales wear. Not you sir, no no. You had the pants, and the boxers pulled down, and your t shirt pulled up a little. I even saw belly button.

(see picture examples)

This act lasted around 5, or 6 seconds, then you cowardly took the next exit to escape my face full of horror.

Im sure scareing me for life is hilarious. and im not exactly sure what the thrill was of flashing me on I-90. Im sure it wasnt to impress a friend, because you were alone. And you were not an old guy, im sure you could of had a girlfriend, or a wife, so flashing a random 21 year old girl on the highway is a little baffaling to me.

But this letter flasher guy, is not to express my anger twords you. Its to let you know, my friend that was driving is upset she missed this horrifying/hilarious act, and would like you to drive by us again, but this time on the driver side.

Thanks buddy.

(i probably spelled 10000 things wrong in here, im at work, im typing fast, i dont give a shit)

(ALSO my drawing of flasher guys 'cash and prizes' are of fruit, because again, im at work, and i cant draw penises on paint in the fear of beign fired)

[celticwolfsun]

that story with the guy in the truck is AWESOME! I am so jealous that I wasn't in the car and don't have that amazing story to tell for the rest of my life ahahahahahaha..

ps.. anybody get the hammer pants yet? Not interested.. just curious...

[Esau.]

I got two pair. Red and blue.

[celticwolfsun]

do they fit well?

[celticwolfsun]

obviously not in the legs.. but really did you luck out and find hammerpants that are your specific size?

[bONES]

Frankenpick

Date: 2007-10-19, 9:08AM CDT

Latest offering smuggled from the former Soviet Union, this pick utilizes old Russian nuclear laser technology. Strap on the convenient Velcro micro-unit, plug into any 1200 Watt power supply, and aim the solar panels directly at the sun and dial in the guitar style of your choice.

From Chet Atkins to Duane Allman, guitar herodom is literally at your fingertips. The micro sensors process the bass and drum beats and submit a series of small electrical shocks directly into your nervous system causing you to involuntarily crank out searing leads.

A word of caution: actual electrical discharges my vary, and side affects could include erratic blues face, trembling of the hips commonly known as Presley syndrome, drooling and involuntary anal discharge. In extreme cases, you may be mistaken for a drummer.

Local sales only. Cash only. Contact your health care professional if erection last more than 6 hours. No scammers please.

To The Stoner Who Works At Cottage Inn Pizza

Date: 2007-09-18, 11:30AM EDT

You: the guy who answers the phone at cottage inn pizza

Me: Hungry and stoned out of my gourd

I called you from my cell phone but had completely forgot who I was calling by the time you answered the phone. Of course, you were also baked to bajeezus and forgot to tell me that I had called Cottage Inn.

When you answered and said, “Whatsup?†I thought about it, and after a 20 second pause I told you that was hungry. You suggested I try a pizza, and I agreed that it was probably a good idea.

Then I asked you if you sold pizza and you said that you could make me one. I said I wanted anchovies and something else on my pizza. You asked me what that something else was.

We spent five minutes listing toppings until we figured out that I was trying to remember how to say: “Sun dried Tomatoes.†When you said: “We'll bake that right up for you,†we both started laughing uncontrollably.

It was the best pizza I ever had; I just wanted to thank you for helping me out.

[paisley]

lot of great ones in this:

The Amazing Craigslist Missed Connections Thread