shainhouse Posted March 10, 2004 Report Share Posted March 10, 2004 We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules! Please note... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE! 1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down. 1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be . 1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way. 1. Crying is blackmail. 1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it! 1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question. 1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for. 1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor. 1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days. 1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, < U>don't expect us to act like soap opera guys. 1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. 1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one. 1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself. 1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials. 1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we. 1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is. 1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that. 1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle. 1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear. 1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine..Really. 1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks. 1. You have enough clothes. 1. You have too many shoes. 1. I am in shape. Round is a shape. 1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; but did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Del Posted March 10, 2004 Report Share Posted March 10, 2004 It's funny 'cause it's true... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bokonon Posted March 11, 2004 Report Share Posted March 11, 2004 this post makes me think of two possibilities: 1. you have been with your girlfriend way too long and both of you are too apathetic to do anything about it or 2. you are hopelessly and perpetually single oh yeah, not all women have too many shoes, care about their weight or like to shop. if you don't like these characteristics in a woman then find a woman that does not have them and stick with her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Super Freak Posted March 11, 2004 Report Share Posted March 11, 2004 I could write a volume of prose on that list, but unforunately, rule # 1 is bullshit so I must keep my mouth shut. oh, and PS If all men were actually that shallow, us girls would be all lesbians. And i don't mean lingerie wearing, red lipstick wearin', stiletto heal wearin', double dildo sharin', porno lesbians...I mean no shavin', buzz cuttin', plaid shirt, work boot, sniff and horkin' lesbians. Put that in your bubbler and smoke it. oh yeah, run while you can... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Douglas Posted March 11, 2004 Report Share Posted March 11, 2004 yup....that's about one of the most disturbing things I've read in here in a very long time. Open your frickin' eyes and meet some real women (and if it's suppose to be funny...add some in there -- they do work) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bokonon Posted March 11, 2004 Report Share Posted March 11, 2004 quote: Originally posted by Super Freak: I could write a volume of prose on that list, but unforunately, rule # 1 is bullshit so I must keep my mouth shut. oh, and PS If all men were actually that shallow, us girls would be all lesbians. And i don't mean lingerie wearing, red lipstick wearin', stiletto heal wearin', double dildo sharin', porno lesbians...I mean no shavin', buzz cuttin', plaid shirt, work boot, sniff and horkin' lesbians. Put that in your bubbler and smoke it. oh yeah, run while you can... yeah! right on. but i thank the goddess for drummers every day! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AdamH Posted March 11, 2004 Report Share Posted March 11, 2004 Holy shit, whatever happened to a joke ladies! If we were all as ultra-sensitive as you we'd have called the Men's Crisis Line when the male-bashing original version was circulating. You don't need smilies, you need common frickin' sense Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Diggzz Posted March 11, 2004 Report Share Posted March 11, 2004 Agreed, chill the fuck out ladies it's a joke!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PalacePrincess Posted March 11, 2004 Report Share Posted March 11, 2004 jokes? i like jokes. in fact i laughed out loud at some of these: BUMPERS STICKERS FOR LADIES BEHIND EVERY SUCCESSFUL WOMAN IS HERSELF OH MY GOD, I THINK I'M BECOMING THE MAN I WANTED TO MARRY! GINGER ROGERS DID EVERYTHING FRED ASTAIRE DID, BUT SHE DID IT BACKWARDS AND IN HIGH HEELS A WOMAN IS LIKE A TEA BAG...YOU DON'T KNOW HOW STRONG SHE IS UNTIL YOU PUT HER IN HOT WATER I HAVE YET TO HEAR A MAN ASK FOR ADVICE ON HOW TO COMBINE MARRIAGE AND A CAREER SO MANY MEN, SO FEW WHO CAN AFFORD ME COFFEE, CHOCOLATE, MEN . SOME THINGS ARE JUST BETTER RICH DON'T TREAT ME ANY DIFFERENTLY THAN YOU WOULD THE QUEEN I'M OUT OF ESTROGEN AND I HAVE A GUN WARNING: I HAVE AN ATTITUDE AND I KNOW HOW TO USE IT OF COURSE I DON'T LOOK BUSY...I DID IT RIGHT THE FIRST TIME DO NOT START WITH ME. YOU WILL NOT WIN ALL STRESSED OUT AND NO ONE TO CHOKE I CAN BE ONE OF THOSE BAD THINGS THAT HAPPENS TO BAD PEOPLE HOW CAN I MISS YOU IF YOU WON'T GO AWAY? DON'T UPSET ME! I'M RUNNING OUT OF PLACES TO HIDE THE BODIES IF YOU WANT BREAKFAST IN BED, SLEEP IN THE KITCHEN Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boogieknight Posted March 12, 2004 Report Share Posted March 12, 2004 This is my favorite, funniest shirt ever. Now I never mind hearing NO!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Douglas Posted March 12, 2004 Report Share Posted March 12, 2004 I'm a little more chilled out today. It's not usual that I jump like that...but hey, we've all got an inner beast, don't we. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bokonon Posted March 12, 2004 Report Share Posted March 12, 2004 real men and women don't need a list. just good sex, good conversation, good food, good books and good beer. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Super Freak Posted March 12, 2004 Report Share Posted March 12, 2004 quote:Originally posted by ahess6488: Holy shit, whatever happened to a joke ladies! If we were all as ultra-sensitive as you we'd have called the Men's Crisis Line when the male-bashing original version was circulating. You don't need smilies, you need common frickin' sense Who you talkin' to? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shainhouse Posted March 12, 2004 Author Report Share Posted March 12, 2004 Whoah, I didn't mean to offend anyone. I just got this forwarded to me, found it 'funny' and decided to post it. Sorry if I offended anyone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ggrtrhhrtgg Posted March 12, 2004 Report Share Posted March 12, 2004 IF YOU WANT BREAKFAST IN BED, SLEEP IN THE KITCHEN hahahaha--I like that one... does that mean I can get served in my tent? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
meggo Posted March 12, 2004 Report Share Posted March 12, 2004 mauve is a purpley colour. now you know!!! a nother mystery solved.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Super Freak Posted March 12, 2004 Report Share Posted March 12, 2004 I wasn't offended...I did think it was funny. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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