Jump to content
Jambands.ca

Schwa.

Members
 View Profile  See their activity

  • Posts

    10,755

  • Joined

  • Last visited

  • Days Won

    1

 Content Type 

Posts posted by Schwa.

  10. New Game for the Weekend

    in Soundboard

    Posted

    For anyone who thinks this is too long to read, fu©k you read it anyway its hilarious!

    GEORGE CARLIN:

    I love words. I thank you for hearing my words.

    I want to tell you something about words that I think is important.

    They're my work, they're my play, they're my passion.

    Words are all we have, really. We have thoughts but thoughts are fluid.

    then we assign a word to a thought and we're stuck with that word for

    that thought, so be careful with words. I like to think that the same

    words that hurt can heal, it is a matter of how you pick them.

    There are some people that are not into all the words.

    There are some that would have you not use certain words.

    There are 400,000 words in the English language and there are 7

    of them you can't say on television. What a ratio that is.

    399,993 to 7. They must really be bad. They'd have to be outrageous

    to be seperated from a group that large. All of you over here,you 7,

    Bad Words. That's what they told us they were, remember?

    "That's a bad word!" No bad words, bad thoughts, bad intentions,

    and words. You know the 7, don't you, that you can't say on television?

    "sh!t, Piss, fu©k, Cunt, CockSucker, motherfu©ker, and Tits"

    Those are the heavy seven. Those are the ones that'll infect your soul,

    curve your spine, and keep the country from winning the war.

    "sh!t, Piss, fu©k, Cunt, CockSucker, motherfu©ker, and Tits"

    Wow! ...and Tits doesn't even belong on the list. That is such a friendly

    sounding word. It sounds like a nickname, right? "Hey, Tits, come here,

    man. Hey Tits, meet Toots. Toots, Tits. Tits, Toots." It sounds like a

    snack, doesn't it? Yes, I know, it is a snack. I don't mean your sexist

    snack. I mean New Nabisco Tits!, and new Cheese Tits, Corn Tits,

    Pizza Tits, Sesame Tits, Onion Tits, Tater Tits. "Betcha Can't Eat Just

    One." That's true. I usually switch off. But I mean, that word does

    not belong on the list. Actually none of the words belong on the list,

    but you can understand why some of them are there. I'm not

    completely insensetive to people's feelings. I can understand why

    some of those words got on the list, like CockSucker and

    motherfu©ker. Those are heavyweight words. There is a lot going on

    there. Besides the literal translation and the emotional feeling.

    I mean, they're just busy words. There's a lot of syllables to contend

    with. And those Ks, those are agressive sounds. They just jump out at

    you like "coCKsuCKer, motherfu©ker. coCKsuCKer, motherfu©ker."

    It's like an assualt on you. We mentioned sh!t earlier, and 2 of the

    other 4-letter Anglo-Saxon words are Piss and Cunt, which go

    together of course. A little accedental humor there. The reason that

    Piss and Cunt are on the list is because a long time ago, there were

    certain ladies that said "Those are the 2 I am not going to say. I

    don't mind fu©k and sh!t but 'P' and 'C' are out.", which led to such

    stupid sentences as "Okay you fu©ker, I'm going to tinckle now."

    And, of course, the word fu©k. I don't really, well that's more

    accedental humor, I don't wanna get into that now because I think

    it takes to long. But I do mean that. I think the word fu©k is a very

    imprortant word. It is the beginning of life, yet it is a word we use to

    hurt one another quite often. People much wiser than I am said,

    "I'd rather have my son watch a film with 2 people making love

    than 2 people trying to kill one another. I, of course, can agree. It is

    a great sentence. I wish I knew who said it first. I agree with that but

    I like to take it a step further. I'd like to substitute the word fu©k for

    the word Kill in all of those movie cliches we grew up with. "Okay,

    Sherrif, we're gonna fu©k you now, but we're gonna fu©k you slow."

    So maybe next year I'll have a whole fu©kin' ramp on the N word.

    I hope so. Those are the 7 you can never say on television, under any

    circumstanses. You just cannot say them ever ever ever. Not even

    clinically. You cannot weave them in on the panel with Doc, and Ed,

    and Johnny. I mean, it is just impossible. Forget tHose 7. They're out.

    But there are some 2-way words, those double-meaning words.

    Remember the ones you giggled at in sixth grade? "...And the cock

    CROWED 3 times" "Hey, tha cock CROWED 3 times. ha ha ha ha. Hey, it's in

    the bible. ha ha ha ha. There are some 2-way words, like it is okay for

    Kirk Youdi to say "Roberto Clametti has 2 balls on him.", but he can't

    say "I think he hurt his balls on that play, Tony. Don't you? He's holding

    them. He must've hurt them, by God." and the other 2-way word that

    goes with that one is Prik. It's okay if it happens to your finger. You

    can prik your finger but don't finger your prik. No,no

  18. Reminder: The Beatles remain the best band ever.

    in Soundboard

    Posted

    Picture yourself in a boat on Vistula,

    With tarragon trees and mayonaise skies

    Somebody calls you, you answer quite slowly,

    A girl with the kal-ba-sa eyes.

    Cellophane wrapping in yellow and green,

    Towering over your head.

    Look for the girl with the spuds in her eyes,

    And she’s gone.

    Ludka in the sky with diamonds.

    Ludka in the sky with diamonds.

  24. What are your NYE plans?

    in Soundboard

    Posted

    if i could transplant my boring ass family from the stuffy confines of my grandmother's house into some concert venue somewhere, i'd look forward to both equally Alexis. that may have answered your question, or not.

    This NYE will be of the low key nature. Spending some quality time with some of my closest friends in some cabin in some place somewhere drinkin 45 beers.

×
×
  • Create New...