Hal Johnson

...and I this one is awesome too... "Furious Ozzie Guillen's Lineup Card Full Of Expletives June 5, 2008 | | Onion Sports CHICAGO—Still fuming after his team blew a late-inning lead in a loss to the Rays Sunday, White Sox manager Ozzie Guillen filled out Tuesday night's lineup card with a series of expletives, insults, and personal attacks on his players. The lineup card, posted in the dugout at approximately 6 p.m., referred to the team as the "Chicago Shit Sox," and read in part, "1. Orlando Fucking Cabrera, 2. Goddamn Motherfucking Neckless Bastard A.J. Shitbag Pierzynski DUMB!!! FUCK!!!, 3. Jermaine Fucking Gonna Dye Fucking Shit 0-For-5 Shitfuck Fuck Fucking Fucknuts Asshole Just Try Me Motherfucker." Guillen also announced that Nick Shitlicker [swisher] would be starting in centerfield and Jim Thome would be the "designated fuckface." Upon noticing that "Cocksucking Assbag Motherfucking Shitfucking Numbnuts Fuckhole" was penciled into the No. 4 spot, Paul Konerko expressed delight that he was batting cleanup."

The Onion's sports section is great. A-Rod Asks Jeter 'Is This Heaven?' While Playing Game Of Catch NEW YORK—While warming up on the Yankee Stadium sidelines before Tuesday's game, Alex Rodriguez paused, looked up at the clear blue sky and the thousands of cheering fans in attendance, turned to Derek Jeter, and invoked a classic line from the 1989 film Field Of Dreams. "Hey, Derek?" Rodriguez said, inhaling deeply to convey a sense of wonderment and gesturing woodenly to the thick, green grass below his feet. "Is this heaven?" According to witnesses, Jeter chuckled mildly and then muttered "Fucking loser" under his breath.

Of all the people Rogge wants to talk shit about he picks Bolt? Simmons is right, he should be bowing to Bolt. Rogge is stupid.

Id trade you the Wilco portion of my ticket for a new pair of socks and maybe a cigarette.

Im in the same boat my friend. I dont what the hells Im gonna do, but man, I want to go to this! I figure Ill just buy a ticket and let everything work itself out.

401 theme...imagine that rockin trhough the stereo before Leafs-Sens games?!

Fista asked me what the song "powderfinger" was about one day. She said she couldnt quite figure it out, but that it was a really sad song that made her feel all, well, sad and such. I started thinking about it and, well, flattered that she'd think I'd have a clue, I couldnt come up with much. So I googled it today. Found this site. I find it somewhat interesting. http://www.thrasherswheat.org/fot/powderfinger.html

Ya, what's up with that?

See, the kids clean! Now if only they did that in Baseball for HR and RBI leaders...and K leaders too for that matter.

Really? According to what I heard on CBC yesterday the Jamaican Track Federation does not test it's athletes. Of course they are subject to the testing done internationally at select events. I believe it's every international event' date=' not just "select" events. Jamaica is an anomoly not only for testing, but in producing great sprinters throughout modern times. Hmmm. [/quote'] On that note, does the IOC test every medal winner? Cuz if they dont, they should. It would be a great deterrant.

Id love to see a good run too - but their hitting is pitiful. Even last night...they got lucky with a couple of Damon's errors.

Burnett threw a gem last night! Good comeback too.

Lets never fight again. Drunken-crack-smoking-naked-masturbating-joy ride sound good?

So far the one's Ive heard on the commercials have been pretty weak. Also, ive heard that you have to donate something like 70% of the $$ if you win, this true? Sorry, just checked the link - its half the $$. Still.

YUp, a team of Gretzky, Lemieux and Howe would never stand a chance. And for the liscensing thing, some players had names - they were just lazy.

Did you watch it on NBC this morning? Id love to hear how they called it. I've noticed they're even more annoying than I had previously thought.

Pretty good read, thanks Tim!

I was surprised at how good that movie was.

I watched him last night - the guy is something else. What makes it even better is the way he sticks it to the Americans! Dude is awesome.

NHL 2k7 had a great idea that included "classic teams". You could play as th '93 HABS or '93 Leafs or the '86 Habs, or the '88 Flames etc..the only problem was that the dolts at 2k sports only input jersey #'s for the players. The idea though, was great. It's cool to see EA finally doing something like this, but only one all-time team? That aint right. They should at least include another all-time all-star team to match up with the Habs.

Sure can, thanks man! (about 5 hrs, 17 min according to Google maps.)

How long is the drive from KW?

That Winter Classic looks good. Imagine, though, how sacriligous it would be for someone like me to go to that game? "Yup I been to Wrigley field once...for a hockey game!"

Oh and, mark my words, European Handball is taking off. Im gonna start a league here next summer, for anyone who's interested. That means you, Schwa.!

Michael Phelps is just lucky that Chuck Norris aint swimming in these here Olympics.