Velvet Posted August 10, 2004 Report Share Posted August 10, 2004 The gods are getting angry. If this rain keeps up me and my Ark may be the future of this planet. So far me, the cat, and a whole bunch of termites are destined for the future world where man and beast will live in peace and rainbows will be our biggest worry. It's a big Ark. Roomy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AD Posted August 10, 2004 Report Share Posted August 10, 2004 You got a booze sniffer in that there Ark? I'm in... ad Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gentlemonkey Posted August 10, 2004 Report Share Posted August 10, 2004 I suppose you should bring some type of female *shudder* to help replenish *shaake* err repopulate *blaaaaarghh* human-kind. oooh my. *eyes exploding, brain leaking out of sockets. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Super Freak Posted August 10, 2004 Report Share Posted August 10, 2004 Yeah, you and your cat will repopulate Dr Moreau style...make with the implants. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Velvet Posted August 10, 2004 Author Report Share Posted August 10, 2004 No worries there folks - I recently made the spiritual conversion to hermaphrodite. Hey, it runs in the family. So the future will be me, all my little babies, and a whole bunch of termites. And fish, I guess. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rubberdinghy Posted August 11, 2004 Report Share Posted August 11, 2004 hahahahahhahahahaha!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Esau Posted August 11, 2004 Report Share Posted August 11, 2004 And the Lord spoke to Noah and said: "In six months I'm going to make it rain until the whole earth is covered with water and all the evil people are destroyed. But I want to save a few good people, and two of every kind of living thing on the planet. I am ordering you to build an Ark."And in a flash of lightning he delivered the specifications for an Ark. "OK," said Noah, trembling in fear and fumbling with the blueprints."Six months, and it starts to rain," thundered the Lord. "You'd better have my Ark completed, or learn how to swim for a very long time."And six months passed. The skies began to cloud up and rain began to fall.The Lord saw that Noah was sitting in his front yard, weeping. And there was no Ark. "Noah," shouted the Lord, "Were is my Ark?" A lightning bolt crashed into the ground next to Noah."Lord, please forgive me!" begged Noah. "I did my best. But there were big problems. First I had to get a building permit for the Ark construction project, and your plans didn't meet code. So I had to hire an engineer to redraw the plans. Then I got into a big fight over whether or not the Ark needed a fire sprinkler system. My neighbors objected, claiming I was violating zoning by building the Ark in my front yard, so I had to get a variance from the city planning commission.Then I had a big problem getting enough wood for the Ark because there was a ban on cutting trees to save the Spotted Owl. I had to convince U.S. Fish and Wildlife that I needed the wood to save the owls. But they wouldn't let me catch any owls. So no owls. Then the carpenters formed a union and went out on strike. I had to negotiate a settlement with the National Labor Relations Board before anyone would pick up a saw or a hammer. Now we have 16 carpenters going on the boat, and still no owls.Then I started gathering up animals, and got sued by an animal rights group. They objected to me taking only two of each kind. Just when I got the suit dismissed, EPA notified me that I couldn't complete the Ark without filing an environmental impact statement on your proposed flood. They didn't take kindly to the idea that they had no jurisdiction over the conduct of a Supreme Being. Then the Army Corps of Engineers wanted a map of the proposed new flood plain. I sent them a globe.Right now I'm still trying to resolve a complaint from the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission over how many Croatians I'm supposed to hire, the IRS has seized all my assets claiming I'm trying to avoid paying taxes by leaving the country, and I just got a notice from the state about owing some kind of use tax. I really don't think I can finish your Ark for at least anotherfive years," Noah wailed.The sky began to clear. The sun began to shine. A rainbow arched across the sky. Noah looked up and smiled. "You mean you're not going to destroy the earth?" Noah asked, hopefully."No," said the Lord sadly, "Government already has." :: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Douglas Posted August 11, 2004 Report Share Posted August 11, 2004 sailor.... yeah, I'll sail away on an ark...but only if my name gets in the book!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jared Posted August 11, 2004 Report Share Posted August 11, 2004 i already have a boat, so burn on all of you, have a good swim Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Velvet Posted August 11, 2004 Author Report Share Posted August 11, 2004 The rain stopped. I'm opening a petting zoo. A heavy petting zoo. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
\/\/illy Posted August 11, 2004 Report Share Posted August 11, 2004 Beautiful. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Douglas Posted August 11, 2004 Report Share Posted August 11, 2004 I'm not petting any termites... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bradm Posted August 11, 2004 Report Share Posted August 11, 2004 I'm not petting any termites... How about letting the termites pet you? Mmmmm...termite-encrusted Douglas... Aloha, Brad Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Douglas Posted August 11, 2004 Report Share Posted August 11, 2004 ewwww....good god brad! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Low Roller Posted August 11, 2004 Report Share Posted August 11, 2004 As long as you're not Pinocchio, you got nothing to worry about (I think). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bouche Posted August 11, 2004 Report Share Posted August 11, 2004 What about a flea-cirus? I bet Velvet would have plenty of those to train ! Maybe even a Crab-circus side-show! HAHAHAHHAHaaa Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Velvet Posted August 11, 2004 Author Report Share Posted August 11, 2004 Micro-organisms are people too y'know. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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