Hey Canned Beats - How To Get Any Girl You Want

[Booche]

HOW TO HAVE UNINHIBITED OUT-OF-BODY SEX WITH ANYONE YOU LIKE-- WITHOUT THE MESS . . . IN THE PRIVACY OF YOUR OWN MIND!

You can enjoy sizzling sex with anyone you like on the astral plane -- and to hear true believers tell it, out-of-body booty is even better than the real thing!

And it's not as difficult as you might think. All you have to do is find a comfortable spot and use a simple meditation technique.

Before you know it, you'll be doing the snake dance with sexy neighbors, co-workers, kissin' cousins -- even top movie stars.

You'll never have to worry about catching icky sexually transmitted diseases like you do on the physical plane.

And nobody's going to get pregnant.

"Astral sex is the best!" gushes up-andcoming supermodel Marnie Maria, 26, of New York City.

"For one thing, I get to do the nasty with yummy married stars like Brad Pitt without jealous little shrew wives like Jennifer Aniston trying to rip me off of him before I'm finished.

"And you know, I'm just so tired of all this safe sex I have to practice with all the people I have to sleep with to get good modeling jobs.

"With astral, I can let it all hang out."

Out-of-body sex therapist Maurice Kindermann couldn't agree more. He says "astral whoopee is the way of the future" -- and predicts that it one day it will be taught in schools "as a safe and exciting alternative to ordinary boring sex."

Here, from Kindermann, is a quick-and-easy 3- point plan for getting on the out-ofbody booty bandwagon.

1 Find a quiet spot, preferably one where you won't be bothered for at least an hour. Keep your clothes on or get naked, it's up to you. Close your eyes. Clear your mind of thoughts and worries. Allow your consciousness to sink and rise at the same time. Feel yourself dissolve in space.

2 With your consciousness as diffuse as the universe itself, allow a pinpoint of blue light to gather in your "center," which, at this point, will be located about three inches below your navel. Visualize your lover forming in the light. In your mind's eye, see this person emerge from the light and grow to full size. Talk to your lover. Laugh. Touch. Play.

3 Do the wild thang! And remember, because this is astral sex, you're going to be a lot better lover than you are on earth. Sixty-second men become sixty-minute men. Multiple orgasms? No problem when you're doing the nasty at the highest possible level of consciousness. When you're finished, bid your lover a fond farewell -- and count to 10 backward to return to your everyday state of being.

"People ask me if astral sex is real or purely imagined," says Kindermann. "Let's put it this way: When I bumped into Kim Basinger at a restaurant one night, she immediately knew my name and gave me a peck on the cheek even though we had never met.

"Obviously, she knew me from our astral encounters -- 643 of them at last count!"

[Davey Boy 2.0]

I've been trying to get this working all morning, visualising my favourite strippers, and it hasn't worked yet.

Has the profession advanced enough lately to block this sort of freeloading?!?

[Lazlo]

I had astral sex with Booche while he was sleeping.

[popo weenie]

hope you didn,t have astral sex with booche,s mule too

[popo weenie]

glad i don,t have that problem as it would sure take all your energy, guess us small town folk,s want the real thingy, n not a stinky one either

[Jay Funk Dawg]

yes! yes! yes! ohhhhhhh la la!

[Tungsten Gruvsten]

but booche is such a stinky astral...

[SaggyBalls]

thanks for the advice. I still opt for cheap hookers and internet porn. I'm too wound up to meditate and too broke to medicate.

[hamilton]

thanks for the advice. I still opt for cheap hookers and internet porn. I'm too wound up to meditate and too broke to medicate.

Do you expect the same level of professionalism from your hookers as you do from your strippers?

[Lazlo]

hope you didn,t have astral sex with booche,s mule too

No, I didn't have astral sex with Lynn.

[popo weenie]

lynn is not in the subject.

the mule as i guess you like animal,s,he has a mule, get it mule,mule,mule

enjoy the mule

would be better than pissing on the floor anyway

[popo weenie]

ask martin for welfare

if you are that short for money ,as you can get a cheque like me, if you are a dewarf that is

[SaggyBalls]

Do you expect the same level of professionalism from your hookers as you do from your strippers?

well...i did say CHEAP hookers so not typically, but when i do i tend to tip a little better.

you get what you give, right?

Edited September 20, 2005 by Guest

[SaggyBalls]

well my rent's paid till november and i didn't have to get the free money for it. it's always tempting but i don't really want to get the free money unless i NEED it.

thanks for the advice though. i guess i'd get a bunch of fun with the free money...still no go yet.