Jokes!

[popo weenie]

Myyyyrrrnnnna! that sounds suspiciously like a [color:red]PopoWeenie joke

Not at all!My very own!

it sounded more like a lazlo,s joke ha

maybe they know one another

was good as i thought she up n died never posts too much shy i guess

[doug]

Frank was excited about his new rifle and decided to try bear hunting.

He traveled up to Alaska, spotted a small brown bear and shot it.

Soon after, there was a tap on his shoulder and he turned around to see a

big black bear.

The black bear said, "That was a very bad mistake. That was my cousin. I'm

going to give you two choices. Either I maul you to death or we have sex."

After considering briefly, Frank decided to accept the latter alternative

and the black bear had his way with Frank.

Even though he felt sore for two weeks, Frank soon recovered and vowed

revenge.

He headed out on another trip to Alaska where he found the black bear and

shot it dead.

Right after, there was another tap on his

shoulder. This time a huge grizzly bear stood right next to him.

The grizzly said, "That was a big mistake, Frank. That was my cousin and

you've got two choices: Either I maul you to death or we have rough sex."

Again, Frank thought it was better to cooperate with the grizzly than be

mauled to death, so the grizzly had his way with Frank.

Although he survived, it took several months before Frank fully recovered.

Now Frank was completely outraged.

He headed back to Alaska, managed

to track down the grizzly bear and shot it.

He felt sweet revenge, but then, moments later, there was a tap on his

shoulder. He turned around to find a giant polar bear standing there.

The polar bear looked at him and said, "Admit it Frank, you don't come here

for the hunting, do you?"

[doug]

Grandpa was driving with his 9 year old granddaughter and beeped the horn by

mistake. She turned and looked at him for an explanation.

He said, "I did that by accident."

She replied, "I know that, Grandpa."

He replied,"How did you know?"

She said, "Because you didn't say 'asshole' afterwards."

[Dr_Evil_Mouse]

A man walks into a pub and orders three pints of Guinness and sits in the back of the room, taking a sip from each one in turn. When he finishes all three pints, he returns to the bar and orders three more. The bartender tells him, "You know, a pint goes flat after I draw it, and it would taste better if you bought one at a time." The man replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in America, the other is in Australia, and I'm here. When we all left home, we promised that we'd drink this way to remember each other. So I drink one for each of my brothers and one for myself." The bartender admits that this is a nice custom and leaves it there. The man becomes a regular in the bar and always drinks the same way.

Then one day he comes in and orders two pints. All the regulars take notice and fall silent. When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your loss." The man looks puzzled for a moment, then a light dawns and he laughs. "Oh, no, everybody's just fine," he explains. "It's just that my wife had us join that Baptist Church and I had to quit drinking. Hasn't affected my brothers though."

[Birdy]

i have a dirty IT joke.. not really appropriate for a young girl such as myself to let out, but i have to cuz it's a dirty IT joke, and hey, they just don't come around that often.

one IT guy says to another while pointing at a hot blonde, "i want to megaRam her until her gigahertz".

[c-towns]

you call that dirty, I thought you were a jacklin....

[Birdy]

shhh.. not too many people know me here. i can give off the impression that i'm at least somewhat respectable until they know better.

friggin' john... ruined me.

[c-towns]

john has ruined a lot of people.

I haven't told him yet, but he's suspended from next weeks ball hockey game for being the jerk that he is.

[Birdy]

ahah i'm sure he'll be devastated. he might even cry.

tell him i love him and it will be okay and once he has a place where he doesn't have to crawl through a hole to get to his room, i'll come visit.

[Lazlo]

Q: What's worse than a garbage can full of dead babies?

A: The one at the bottom is still alive.

Q: What's worse than that?

A: It's eating its way out.

Q: What's worse than that?

A: When it's free it comes back for more.

[Calamity Jane]

someone just sent me these silly PUNS.

ENJOY!

1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."

3. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.

4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: "A beer please, and one for the road."

6. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"

7. "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.'" That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome." "Is it common?" Well, "It's Not Unusual."

8. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you," says Dolly. "It's true, no bull!" exclaims Daisy.

9. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.

10. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.

11. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.

12. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know you can't - I've cut off your arms!"

13. I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a mussel.

14. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

15. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says "Dam"!

16. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

17. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why, “they asked, as they moved off. "Because", he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."

18. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."

19. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him......

A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

[Lazlo]

Deb, I'll give you $10 to delete your last post.

[timouse]

a cab driver shows up at a hotel to pick up a fare. a naked woman comes running out of the hotel, jumps in the cab, and says, " Take me to the casino. And step on it!!"

So the cabbie speeds away from the curb. As he's making his way through traffic, he starts to wonder how this woman is going to pay the fare. At a stoplight, he turns to her and says, "Listen, lady, I didn't see you carrying a purse, and, well, you haven't got pockets. How are you going to pay for this?"

Without hesitation, the woman throws her legs up over the seat back, looks the cabbie square in the eye, and says, "Will this do?"

The cabbie thinks for a moment, and replies, "Ummm...do you have anything smaller?"