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Alright I don't want to work today...I want to bang on the mental Jamband drum. This is my attempt to start a story that will involve the Jambands cast.....it doesn't have to be the best it just has to be participated in.

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Dr Evil Mouse walks up to Mark Tonin and says that he found the meaning of life in his sock drawer.

Tonin asks if he's trippin and DEM tells him there has been no drug use 24hrs before or after this discovery.

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It was summer in 1994 . A tough one for most fans of the Grateful Dead, the Bouchards decided to continue to go to concerts that were rich in color, but inconsistenly poor in play. The evening in question saw Jerry Garcia come on to play with Traffic during Dear Mr Fantasy but he muddled with his amp too much and hardly played a note. Winwood, wearing casts on each arm, still schooled his flabby ass.

Booche, horribly dismayed and trying to figure out if it was the paper he ingested, proceeded to tell Bouche that "Garcia sucked it up tonight." to which Bouche replied "Do you even know who you are talking about? You cant say that shit!"

Just then, a crusty sock flew out from the crowd behind and hit Bouche upside the head.

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Booche picked up the crusty sock; which had ricocheted off Bouche, and landed at his feet. He examined its discoloured, ratty appearance. He noted it's pungent, rancid odour. Then, Booche balled the crusty sock into a tight knot, popped it into his mouth, and began to chew.

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Recalling an earlier moment during Traffic's set, Booche thought he may have pissed his pants. Looking down and seeing his kaki shorts dry, he sighed a bit of relief but continued to intermittenly wonder.

'What happened to the dampness I should be feeling? Oh well, it must have been the hot sun.'

Booche started to sweat.

'What have I done?'

"We're in for a ride brah. Make sure I don't do anything too stupid this time."

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Bouche, feeling Booches panic says "Hold on let's smoke this and calm down a little bit, shall we?"

Bouche produces a toke the size of a marker. As soon as the joint hit the lips, some dude comes bouncing through the crowd. "Yo dudes, Heady Epic's the name, I got a light for that mother f'er right here, but I'm in it till the end brah's."

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"...and you won't believe the day I had! I was hitch-hiking outside of Providence, to make it to this show. This really stupid old couple pulled over in a sweet Cadillac. Well, it didn't take ol' Heady too long, before he (I) kicked the old losers out of that moving vehicle and took off with it.

You guys need a ride to the next show?"

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Lazlo shits in their eyes and shoves a studded dildo into his own ass.

Then I remembered that studs irritate my piles so I opted for the pylon instead. I rode it and rode it til my asshole was orange and the pylon was a mere shadow of its former self.

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whereupon looking in the mirror and noticing its own shadow of itself, the pylon then declared 6 weeks of shit weather. a stand-off occurred between the world, the weather, and lazlo's ass, when out of fucking nowhere comes David Hasselhoff and, being a big fan of Germany and all, bellowed "FUCKIT, bring on the shit! we love it!" - which awoke mel gibson from his piss-soaked jail cell slumber only to remark that he hates his shitty life and it's all because the Jews must have fucked up the weather.

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Because of this fucked up weather an alarming number of tornados sweeps through Ontario. Right wing Christian evangelicals decide to be opportunistic about the state of the environment and use the tornados to distribute their message. Leaflets are thrown in to the eye of every storm proselytizing the way of "the light". Since it's summer time all the hippies are outside and keep seeing these letters come from the sky. Churches pop up all over the place. The congregations must be held outside becuase of the overwhelming cloud of patchouli and reefer.

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But, anyway, back to our story...

Bouche and Booche (known in many circles as the Notorious Bouchard Brothers) hold a short "meeting" during set break to decide whether or not to accept Heady Epic's offer.

"Man, that guy is really weird. Have you heard the stories about him? I didn't even think he was real!"

"Mike," said Booche, "sometimes you just gotta leap before you look. Whoa, Dude! Your face is melting!"

Set break was over, the lights dimmed, "Wait, Mike, shhh... That's a leprechaun over there, on stage next to that musician we nearly killed in that crash earlier today!"

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Turns out the Bouches were on the 'cid harder than anybody thought, though, because when the lights came up and the smoke cleared, they weren't at a Dead show at all, but instead at a 1972 performance by The Bob Seger System!

Bob%20Seger%20pat79.jpg

After a blistering set of De-Troit Rawk, the Bouches found their way back stage, where Seger and the System kindly offered Bouche (right) sloppy seconds with this fine groupie:

Brownsville%20Station%20351395.jpg

Bouche (left) and Booche (middle) even had the chance to meet George Carlin (right):

carlin.jpg

The Notorious Bouchard Brothers wandered out of the venue bewildered, but amazed at the night they had just experienced.

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