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Unlimited funds?! Have a huge wasteful party for everyone I know.. in barbados. giant BUDS hanging from the walls-for the smoking, young nubile maidens/and studs offering massage, sugar-bowls full of coke, monkeys dancing and singing, live music by an allstar band featuring everyone i can think of-dead or alive, 100lb lobsters cooked to your specifications- runny or stiff- your choice. rare roast beast, rum punch, bear fighting contests, midget circuses, freakshows, porn stars. of course, before all this i would deliver billions to cancer research, unicef, the red cross and every other good cause i could think of . good one mx hux smile.gif" border="0

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I would get everybody I know to sign up for a "secret" party.

the party would consist of your choice of buzz material, and then we'd all go for a trip up into space. It's only about a million/person for a ride up into zero-G.

Oh ya, and Phish would be invited.

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Hmmm... Lots of money, eh?

I'd probably sponser myself a band and go out to try and destroy any competition that lay in my wake (I'd want to be in it, but I'm a talentless hack, musically... I can sorta sing... but... this isn't about me!)

Anyway, I'd name my band the Winston Zedmore Feng Shui Connection, and we'd rock out loud. Of course, a la all the great pop bands, the hype would be our main machine, but with my crazy funds, I'd be able to buy more publicity than one could ever imagine.

From there, it'd be a sweet 7 year haul until our guitarist found out he was greater than Jesus and married someone even more messed up than himself, and they'd make a 10 hour movie called 'erection' about a building being put up in fast motion.

Anyway, when the band broke up, I'd probably move to India and get involved in Baaliwood. That's the shit... Then I'd just fade into obscurity.

If I hadn't already.

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Hire a legion of hit-men to knock-off my least favourite personalities: Mickey Hart; Jeff Martin from The Tea Party; Edwin; Nelly Furtado; Gwen Steffani; Raine from Our Lady Peace; Toronto newspaper hockey writers; Air Farce ( they used to be good on radio ); Ottawa Senators' sweethearts - there are at least 7 of these guys; Boy bands ( of course ). I won't go on.

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I'd pay my lawyer. Then, I'm good with that hammock idea.

I'd buy my sister a house, just because she deserves one. Then I'd buy my other sister a house, just so she wouldn't whine about me giving one to our other sister. I guess I'd buy myself a house, but I'd want to rent someone to clean it.

My house would have a Jacuzzi for when it's too cold for the hammock. Scratch that; keep the tub, move the house to Aruba.

A large investment in sunscreen would be prudent.

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I'd buy my son a train. He already has too many toys as it is, and I've run out of room for them. See the house idea, above.

Big breasts? Nah, I already divorced a pair of useless boobs.

Let's see ... I'd buy my grandfather a black hole, so he can stop building that one in the basement. I'd get my grandmother a jet ski. And a Centurian tank. I think she'd like that, but only if I got her a place to park it once in a while.

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My mother? I'd buy her a life.

My father? He doesn't really need anything, except for cancer therapy. If I could buy that, I would.

I'd buy Bradm a distillery in Scotland.

The last big thing on the list is an elite squad of mercenaries, but I'm not telling you who that would be for. I don't rat on anyone that can peel bananas with his feet.

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