Davey Boy 2.0

straight up sour cream would be a good thing to dip those into i think

his health? that's your argument? Oh don't believe a thing jaimoe says today- I heard him sneeze earlier and his gout is flairing up again

I noticed recently that they never pan to the audience during the musical numbers for the Muppet Show

Usually you guys are talking about Jordan with your raging pant tightener this and your find me a five pounder that

This guy walks into the nicest restaurant in town which happens to be advertising for a pianist and says, "Where's the god damn, mother fucking Manager you cock sucking arse wipe." The waiter is naturally taken aback and replies, "Excuse me, sir, but could you please refrain from using that sort of language in here, I will get the manager as soon as I can." The manager comes over and the bloke asks, "Are you the ugly fucking manager of this bastard joint?". "Yes, sir, I am," replies the manager, "and I would prefer it if you could refrain from speaking such profanities in this, a private restaurant". "Fuck off!" replies the bloke. "And where's the fucking piano?" "Pardon?" says the manager. "Fucking deaf as well are we? You little piece of sniveling shit, show me your pissing piano." "Ahhhh," replies the manager. "You've come about the pianist's job," and shows the bloke to the piano. "Can you play any blues?" "Of course I fucking can," and he proceeds to play the most inspiring and beautiful sounding honky tonk blues that the manager has ever heard. "Why, that's superb, what's it called?" "I want to fuck your missus on the sofa but the springs keep hurting my knob," replies the pianist. The manager is a bit disturbed and asks if the bloke knows any jazz. The guy proceeds to play the most melancholy jazz solo the manager has ever heard. "Magnificent!" cries the manager. "What's it called?" "I wanted a wank over the washin' machine but my bollocks got caught in the soap drawer". The manager is a tad embarrassed and asks if he knows any romantic ballads, the bloke then plays the most heartbreaking melody. "And what's this called?" asks the manager. "As I fuck you under the stars with the moonlight shining off your hairy ring-piece". The manager is highly upset by the bloke's language but offers him the job on condition that he doesn't introduce any of his songs or talk to any of the customers. This arrangement works well for a couple of months until one night, sitting opposite him, is the most gorgeous blonde he has ever laid his eyes on. She's wearing an almost see through dress, her tits are almost falling out the top and the skimpy little 'G' string she's wearing is riding up the crack of her arse. She is sitting there with her legs slightly open, sucking suggestively on asparagus shoots and the butter is dripping down her chin! It's too much for the bloke and he runs off to the bathroom to 'wrestle with his bald headed champ'. He's pulling away furiously when he hears the manager's voice... "Where's that bloody pianist?" He just has time to shoot his bolt and in a fluster he runs back to the piano, not having bothered to adjust himself properly, sits down and starts playing some more tunes. The blonde steps up and walks over to the piano, leans over and whispers in his ear: "Do you know your knob and balls are hanging out your trousers and dripping spunk on your shoes?". "Know it," the pianist replies, "I fucking wrote it!" (respek!)

drawn, quartered, roasted and served with miracle whip and ranch dressing

oh pat, does it reeaally matter?

sandwich bread, american cheese and bacon strips, quartered. arrange ingredients in interesting fashion then place in prewarmed oven at 400° for 4 minutes. serve immediately

A man on his way home from the pub decides to take a short-cut through an unlit park. A woman approaches him and offers to fuck his brains out for $5. The man thinks to himself that this is a chance too good to miss, so hands over the $5. She leads him into a bush and they get under way. A policeman happens to pass by, hears them at it and notices the bush shaking. He approaches, shines his flashlight on the pair and asks the man what he's doing. The man replies calmly, "I'm just having sex with my wife, officer. Do you mind?" The officer responds, "I'm sorry, sir, I didn't realise it was your wife." The man quickly replies, "That's quite alright, officer - until you shone your flashlight on her face, neither did I."

Westboro sucks, confirmed. (lol @ shelf space)

do tell.

"If you don't have an iPhone...well, you don't have an iPhone..." Don't worry, I'm pretty sure the type of stupid cunt that needs this explained to them already has an iPhone.

The woman who injected her 8 year-old daughter with Botox for beauty pageants has lost custody. The child didn't look surprised. __________ I found a dead body last night and reported it to the police. "How did you find the body?" the Officer asked I replied "The tits were ok but her arse was a bit tight" __________ I got an e-mail saying 'At Google Earth we can read maps backwards!' I thought, "That's just spam."

hey ollie, do you find that the LCBO near us beside the Superstore is kinda lame in terms of stocking interesting beer? I rarely see anything out of the ordinary there

sounds like my college years

works well for the ice cream truck though, cheaper that way ta boot

yeah i couldn't get over the quality too

do you guys find that Bobby's putting on classic Acid Days (Daze) Krazee Eyez???? Maybe it's true that if you keep making faces eventually your face will just look like that

talk to you guys in 15 minutes

Michaels is worth a visit, they've got tons of different sizes and there are 40%-60% deals at least once a month

"camped overnight" WTF?!?!? people are faaaaaaacked

you know, having listened to countless hours of Theme Time Radio hour, that last paragraph seems to fit in perfectly with his dry sense of humour.

...for a goal kick?

isn't that why you married her? ahoy hoy steph