Schwa.

Davey Boy is sitting at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half of an hour. Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from Davey Boy and just drinks it all down. Poor Davey Boy starts crying. The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man cry." "No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I go late to my office. My boss, outraged, fires me. When I leave the building, to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police said that they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home, and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away." "I go home, and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with Booche. I leave home, and come to this bar. And just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison."

A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds Davey Boy and his wife in bed. He orders Davey Boy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, Dqvey Boy tells his wife: "Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you." To which Davey Boy's wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"

Davey Boy pulled over the car by the side of the road and showed Jed where he'd first had sex. "It was right down there by that tree. I remember the day plainly. It was a warm summer day. She and I were so much in love. We walked down to the tree and made love for hours," Davey Boy recalled. "That sounds wonderful," said Jed. "Yes. It was okay until I looked up and noticed her mother was standing right there watching us." "Oh my God! What did her mother say when she saw you making love to her daughter?" "Baaaaa..."

Davey Boy walked into a pub with an Ostrich and a Pussy Cat. He walked up the the bar and said "Beer for me, beer for the ostrich, whisky for the cat". They found a table, sat down and drank their drinks. Next it was the ostrichs round. He walked up to the bar and said "Beer for me, beer for the man, whisky for the cat". He took the drinks back to the table and they drank them. When it was the Cat's turn to buy, he told them to "Fuck off!" So Davey Boy went back to the bar and said "Beer for me, beer for the ostrich and whisky for the cat". The Barman was curious about this and said "I notice that you and the ostrich have both bought a round but the cat hasn't. Why is this?". Davey Boy replied, "I helped a little old lady across the road, and she turned out to be my Fairy Godmother. She granted me one wish". "What did you wish for?" said the Barman. "I wished for a long legged bird with a tight pussy!"

hahaha! Davey Boy goes into a bar and says, "Quick, gimme a beer before the trouble starts!" The barman looks around the sleepy bar, shrugs and hands the guy a bottle of beer. Davey Boy drinks it fast. "Quick! gimme another beer before the trouble starts!" The barman looks at the guy oddly but hands another beer to the guy. Davey Boy drinks it fast. "Quick another beer before the trouble starts!" The barman hands him another beer, with a frown on his face, but hands it over reluctantly. Again, Davey Boy drinks it fast. "Quick another beer before the trouble starts!" The barman replies, "Look pal, exactly what trouble are you talking about?" "I haven't got any money!"

Go and see them for sure. the old shit is bang on, and the new stuff is good to listen to when you go get a beer Brought a wave of emotions flooding in as i'd never seen them with Hoon but realized i sooooo should have.

Looking to buy a frog? A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "If I show you a really good trick, will you give me a free drink?" The bartender considers it, then agrees. The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out a tiny rat. He reaches into his other pocket and pulls out a tiny piano. The rat stretches, cracks his knuckles, and proceeds to play the blues. After the man finished his drink, he asked the bartender, "If I show you an even better trick, will you give me free drinks for the rest of the evening?" The bartender agrees, thinking that no trick could possibly be better than the first. The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out a tiny rat. He reaches into his other pocket and pulls out a tiny piano. The rat stretches, cracks his knuckles, and proceeds to play the blues. The man reaches into another pocket and pulls out a small bullfrog, who begins to sing along with the rat's music. While the man is enjoying his beverages, a stranger confronts him and offers him $100,000.00 for the bullfrog. "Sorry," the man replies, "he's not for sale." The stranger increases the offer to $250,000.00 cash up front. "No," he insists, "he's not for sale." The stranger again increases the offer, this time to $500,000.00 cash. The man finally agrees, and turns the frog over to the stranger in exchange for the money. "Are you insane?" the bartender demanded. "That frog could have been worth millions to you, and you let him go for a mere $500,000!" "Don't worry about it." the man answered. "The frog was really nothing special. You see, the rat's a ventriloquist."

Sounds even better. Put me down for that! (i'm gonna start practicing my non-spilling)

Best idea i've heard yet Greg

that crazy democracy thing backfired again

Ugliest. Dog. Ever.

Grandstanding notwithstanding, where is it our place to give a shit? who cares? If it were our civic duty to criticize gradios articles by crazy people we'd never get to lunch.

the ONLY question i asked was "why take everything so facking serious?" so, since you brought it up, ARE you afraid of being convinced of something? and DON'T you want this kids experience to have a lasting impression in his future? ARE you only concerned with bashing the sappiness of the article? (the caps are to make me sound like Chandlor Bing )

(wink)

really. why take everything so facking serious? honest question. (thinks back to the BWM post about the crackheads) seriously. wtf. here's one for the masses. a crackhead let his little boy fill out his absentee ballot in iraq while kicking a dog....GO! [color:gray]**just re-read my post and it looked like i was coming down on Booche....quite the opposite and totally agree with the 'slow clap'**

yeah, no doubt. This is secret fucking service we're talking about. they'll lock them fuckers up on a trumped up charge and lose the key (here's hoping) These people are scum. That being said, i almost hope they come to picket something around here so me and a bunch of people can go fuck with them.

[color:red]PRIMING FOR TUESDAY!!!!!!

I'm going to try ALL DAY to keep the image of Rubberdinghy chasing a kangaroo in my head. Talk about your LOL!!

...take a Ford to BBBBBEEEEEEEEYYYYYYOOOOOOUUUU!

...and i didn't know that. proves my point entirely

Nice one! Aloha, Schwa.

Agreed. It's embarrassing. for you perhaps. i feel no embarrassment whatsoever.

Gateaux is obsessed with poop and pissed on his girlfriend in the shower (his words) you liking your own music is nothing compared to that