Davey Boy 2.0

Scientists figure out the perfect bacon sandwich

Schwa. was battered & bruised due to an accident was laying in a hospital bed. He was wearing an oxygen mask and as the nurse walks past he mumbles "Are my testicles black?" The nurse confused asks "Excuse me sir?" Again Schwa. mumbles "Are my testicles black?" Being that the nurse was true to her job she thought what the hey, I'll have a look. So she removes Schwa's cover, gets his growlers in her hands and has a good and thorough look. "They seems fine sir" she replies. Schwa with a big smile on his face removes his oxygen mask and says "that's all well and good sweetheart but are my test results back?

All you single ladies out there, take note

how are we even going to get to this arts festival in the first place?!?

next thing you know they'll be pulling up alongside one another asking "Pardon me but do you have any Grey Poupon?"

Father Schwa walks into the convent and sees Sister Rosemary washing the kitchen floor. He's overcome with desire and pushes her onto the ground. As he's shagging her the Rev Mother comes in. "SISTER ROSEMARY!!!" she roars "Have some respect. Arch your back girl and keep Father Schwa's balls off the wet floor!!"

Farmer Hal got out of his car and while heading for his friend's door, noticed a pig with a wooden leg. His curiosity roused, he asked, "Schwa, how'd that pig get him a wooden leg?" "Well, Hal, that's a mighty special pig! A while back a wild boar attacked me while I was walking in the woods. That pig there came a runnin', went after that boar and chased him away. Saved my life!" "And the boar tore up his leg?" "No he was fine after that. But a bit later we had that fire. Started in the shed up against the barn. Well, that ole pig started squealin' like he was stuck, woke us up, and 'fore we got out here, the darn thing had herded the other animals out of the barn and saved 'em all!" "So that's when he hurt his leg, huh, Schwa?" "No, Hal. He was a might winded, though. When my tractor hit a rock and rolled down the hill into the pond I was knocked clean out. When I came to, that pig had dove into the pond and dragged me out 'fore I drownded. Sure did save my life." "And that was when he hurt his leg?" "Oh no, he was fine. Cleaned him up, too." "OK, Schwa. So just tell me. How did he get the wooden leg?" "Well", Schwa. tells him, "A pig like that, you don't want to eat all at once!"

this is what irks me, you're holding people over a barrel after having negotiated away the things that you're asking for?!? During a recession!!??

good luck bud

WOW!

Schwa's waiting in line at the grocery store and sees this busty blonde staring at him, he can't believe she is staring at him, then she starts waving. "Excuse me do I know you?" he asks. "Yes I think you are the father of one of my kids" she says. Schwa thinks back and tries to remember her, says "F**king hell are you the girl I shagged at Hal's stag party, whilst your friend whipped me and that other girl stuck a brush up my ass?" "No" she replies "I'm your son's English teacher!"

2 nuns on bikes pass Schwa going down a cobblestone street. One says to the other 'Ooo, I've never come this way before...' And the other one says; 'Yes, there's a detour because of the road work a block over'.

What does Schwa. call a Frenchman in beach shoes? Phillipe Phillope

or Booche

Do you have anything at all other than that sample?

i would guess they tour the country doing stand up à la Lahey and Randy a coupla summers ago there, letting people to buy them drinks and smoking them up afterward perhaps I'm projecting though

bouche swallows, confirmed

Bouche and Ms.Hux should start a Fleetwood Mac cover band Hux on bass, BradM on noodling lead, Magaly on drums and BOOM! you'll be booking the Rainbow weekly

can't....stop....staring

she could tie your showstrings without using her hands

in.sane.

are you sure you're from Hamilton?

especially when one of the flavours is BACON!!!

350. A song in your current rotation that you hadn't heard a month ago. 1. Wintersleep - Weighty Ghost 2. Flobots - Stand Up 3. Nick Lowe - All Men Are Liars 4. Old Crow Medicine Show - Alabama High-Test 5. Pete Seeger - The Draft Dodger Rag 6. Ryan Adams - Two 7. Frank Sinatra - I get a kick outa you 8. Humble Pie - Shine On 9. Furry Lewis - Billy Lyons and Stackolee 10. G Love - Recipe 11. The Who - Leaving Here 12.