Davey Boy 2.0

The ghost of Stalin appears to Putin in a dream and advises him to shoot all his inefficient officials and paint the walls blue. 'Why blue?' Putin asks. Stalin laughs and replies: 'I knew you'd only ask about the second part.'

A teacher asks her class to use the word contagious. Ronnie gets up and says, 'Last year I got the measles and my Mum said it was contagious.' 'Well done Ronnie,' says the teacher. 'Can anyone else try?' Katie raises her hand and says, 'My Gran says there's a bug going round and it's contagious.' 'Well done, Katie,' says the teacher. 'Anyone else?' Little Johnny jumps up and says, 'Our next door neighbour is painting his house with a 4 cm brush and my Dad says it will take the contagious.'

Paul McCartney was being interviewed the other day about his break up. when asked if he would ever go down on one knee again he replied "i prefer if you called her Heather"

I went to the zoo the other day, and all they had was one small dog in a cage. It was a Shih Tzu.

sounds like my highschool dating experiences

you've got balls like a moose, Zimmer

Paddy goes to the zoo to see his mate who works there. His mate says to him "Paddy, we have a real problem. The female Gorilla is on heat, there is no male gorilla and she will smash this place up if she doesn't have sex. Paddy will you have sex with the Gorilla for £500?" Paddy says he'd have to think about it and goes off to look around the zoo. At the end of the day Paddy comes back to talk to his mate. "Okay I'll do it, but on three conditions. 1 - No kissing, I' am not kissing a gorilla. 2 - My family never find out. And 3 - Give me a few weeks to get the £500 together...

Pupils are being rewarded for writing obscenities in their GCSE English examinations even when it has nothing to do with the question. One pupil who wrote "f*** off" was given marks for accurate spelling and conveying a meaning successfully. His paper was marked by Peter Buckroyd, a chief examiner who has instructed fellow examiners to mark in the same way. He told trainee examiners recently to adhere strictly to the mark scheme, to the extent that pupils who wrote only expletives on their papers should be awarded points..."It would be wicked to give it zero, because it does show some very basic skills we are looking for - like conveying some meaning and some spelling. It's better than someone that doesn't write anything at all. It shows more skills than somebody who leaves the page blank" - The Times.

rock & roll

yuo're going to start priming for a Friday show on a Thursday? hardcore! dispense pills

i want a tank like that, could lead to the best practical joke ever. i'm picturing a carload on the way to a CTMF, maybe me, booche, bouche, schwa, hal and douglas, stop at a taco bell along the way and load up, hook the tank up to ourselves like a hookah for a few hours, then when we get there, find some unsuspecting hippy's tent (preferably while they're sleeping in it) and BOOM let the fun ensue. edit to add: anyone else detecting a theme to Esau's posts today?!?!?

all your base are belong to us

maybe they should move the whole thing to Scotiabank Place

check out the vegan, gettin in a few pot-shots... j/k

I'm in the process of printing up 10 000 "Give Finger the Finger" shirts right now.

it was probably Hunter Pipes in town with the Spearhead crew

347. Songs that inclued the word "go" in the title 1. Lucinda Williams - Can't Let Go 2. Mr. Something Something - Jim Naa Go Wey 3. The Miracles - Going to a Go-Go 4. Wham! - Wake Me Up Before You Go Go 5. Motley Crue - Don't Go Away Mad (Just Go Away) 6. Kim Mitchell - Go for Soda 7. Pet Shop Boys - Go West 8. The Cars - Let's Go 9. 10. 11. 12.

I'm sure if someone bothered to crunch the numbers here it wouldn't be much of a story at all. Sure it's bad form and pretty stupid of them to schedule this but it must be .000001% of the world's population that eats like that, and only a few times a year, arguably. The wasteful use of food in this context has more to do with day to day consumption on the part of 100s of millions of people, not a handful of diplomats who have obligations as visiting heads of state. But yes the marketing genius that came up with this itinerary deserves a promotion...

nicely done sir

hallelujah

I heard you can get Gold seating too, Basher. It's 20 metres away from the court but the ticket prices are only like $150

now ^that's a bday gift

Bwah ha ha.

Story here I wonder what Bill O'Reilly will have to say about this...

Happy birthday baby No judging Douglas today