Be Friend

[zero]

I have been having a bad go of it lately. A number of things have set me to thinking what it means to be a friend and what it means to befriend yourself. Any insight into this would be greatly helpful but please don't let it get in the way of your inane chatter.

[Booche]

As many Buddhists might tell you, every morning you are reborn. What you choose to do with your time today is up to you but it is more important than any other time because that is it. It doesnt matter what you did or didnt do yesterday. Everyone carrys some form of sorrow or pain, and if you think on a grand scale, everyone on this planet is part of that and we must surely recognize life is hard. As far as I am concerned, we are all on this planet to make life easier for one another, whichever way we can. In order to do this, you first must learn how to have compassion for yourself. So, I suppose you need to befriend yourself first. If you cant love yourself, how can you love someone else? You have to learn what makes you happy and continue to make yourself happy

[Douglas]

My idea of this is quite simple (and works well for me, I might add):

What it means to be a friend: to genuinly care for the other person's well-being/happiness, and want the best for them

What it means to befriend yourself: to genuinly care for your own well-being/happiness, and want the best for yourself

[Sunshine]

I agree.

[Velvet]

Gandhi used to say that it was important to truly love your enemies, and he seemed to have a pretty good kick at the can.

Siddhartha's take is a little trickier, but to follow up booche's post, here's the four noble truths that are the foundation of theravada buddhist thought:

1. All existence is sorrow

2. This sorrow is caused by attachment

3. There is a way to eliminate the sorrow

4. The route to cessation of sorrow is the eightfold path.

If only the eightfold path included partying and going to shows...

[zero]

I am very grateful for your insights. As much as I satirize aspects of this culture, and the internet as a medium tends to invalidate the legitimacy of our culture, this is a strong and important intentional community- I truly believe that.

[Im going home Donny]

Booche...that's exactly what I've been trying to remember the past couple of days :: I even called Shan E to borrow a book of hers on Buddist teachings.(I forgot Velvets the dude on that info) Hope you feel easier soon Kung

[bokonon]

how does the internet invalidate the legitimacy of our culture?

when i was nine i bought a poster for my best friend that had snoopy and charlie brown on it which said "a friend is someone who knows all your faults and likes you anyway". and the girl i bought it for is still my best friend. she knows more about me than i do myself i think.

[zero]

The 'chatty' nature of the 'net, the jammy masturbatory elements of our culture are two examples of why this could be perceived as a less than legitimate community- it's not really my stance but it is a belief I'm sure a number of particularly outsiders would hold.

[bokonon]

i still don't understand. i'm not trying to be defensive or agressive, i am really curious to hear your thoughts and ideas because i don't understand what you mean.

[Mr. Musicface]

...the jammy masturbatory elements of our culture are two examples of why this could be perceived as a less than legitimate community- it's not really my stance but it is a belief I'm sure a number of particularly outsiders would hold.

Wait, is zero actually promoting the "jammy masturbatory elements of our culture". Funny, I didn't remember waking up in a parallel universe this morning...

Actually Velvet, I'm curious about something - if sorrow is indeed caused by attachment, isn't that actually an arguement against friendship and love, which are the ultimate forms of attachement? I'm sure I'm missing something 'cus I don't really know much about Buddhist philosophy, but that thought stuck me on reading your post.

Peace,

Mr. M.

[Im going home Donny]

In regards to this particular place. I have to say and imagine that Sloth and Velvet would agree with me. That when the sh!tstorm burned us down this community rallied around us in the most incredible,loving,generous,helpfull ways possible. So mabey the chatter is often frivolous and lacking depth but I know when the sh!t hit the fan myself and 2 others were engulfed in nothing but the deepest love and support from this community.

[bokonon]

i hear you musicface, i always get buddhism and apathy mixed up.

[zero]

The medium is the message. If we all gathered daily in a cave and read Byron like in Dead Poet's society we would be viewed as highly civilized. Or if we gathered in a byzantine library and talked about the Massey Hall '65 show we would be thought of as cultured. While the internet has many wholesome and unwholesome uses it's 'legitimacy' as a tool is still being solidified.

[Ms.Huxtable]

While the internet has many wholesome and unwholesome uses it's 'legitimacy' as a tool is still being solidified.

I have to agree with you there Kung. That's why this forum feels so ground breaking and special.

[Booche]

MrMusicFace:

2. The origin of suffering is attachment.

The origin of suffering is attachment to transient things and the ignorance thereof. Transient things do not only include the physical objects that surround us, but also ideas, and -in a greater sense- all objects of our perception. Ignorance is the lack of understanding of how our mind is attached to impermanent things. The reasons for suffering are desire, passion, ardor, pursue of wealth and prestige, striving for fame and popularity, or in short: craving and clinging. Because the objects of our attachment are transient, their loss is inevitable, thus suffering will necessarily follow. Objects of attachment also include the idea of a "self" which is a delusion, because there is no abiding self. What we call "self" is just an imagined entity, and we are merely a part of the ceaseless becoming of the universe.

Go here

[bokonon]

In regards to this particular place. I have to say and imagine that Sloth and Velvet would agree with me. That when the sh!tstorm burned us down this community rallied around us in the most incredible,loving,generous,helpfull ways possible. So mabey the chatter is often frivolous and lacking depth but I know when the sh!t hit the fan myself and 2 others were engulfed in nothing but the deepest love and support from this community.

i have to admit that it was cool to have a good reason to have two bands play and eighty or so people come to my birthday party! :: and it felt pretty good to be able to do something like that for a few people that hardly any of the organizers knew.

[bokonon]

oh yeah, if anyone wants to get together in a cave and read byron i'm in! i love hiking and good poetry.

[zero]

That's funny because I get buddhimsm and apathy confused all the time, but actually more often it's buddhism and narcissism.

[Velvet]

"when the sh!tstorm burned us down this community rallied around us in the most incredible,loving,generous,helpfull ways possible"

The response to the fire is something I will never forget. It was really quite amazing.

As for the sorrow/attachment/apathy thing, your question is the kind of thing that would be our exam. One question, two hours, 3 exam booklets, go!

This might be the opening paragraph:

The problem with attachment is essentially the horror of impermanence - you love your wife, you feel attachment to your wife, your wife is something you can lose and thus every bit of it is sorrow.

Then a bunch of commentary, ending with this paragraph:

When one can fully realise their place in the cosmos as a small yet necessary part of the big picture, and the fact that this big picture is a constant morphing of existence following the pattern of conditioned co-origination (the theory that situations suggest the likelihood that other situations will arise), then one no longer feels attachment to other things. In fact, one then realises it's impossible to feel attachment to any particular thing, because there isn't one particular thing - everything is everything.

Essentially, if you can love everything (which is nothing, pronounced no-thing) equally, then you can't feel attachment to particulars. So, if your wife leaves you you have lost nothing, you've just experienced another of the never-ending shifts in existence.

The final words of the buddha (before dying from eating bad meat): "Compounded things decay. Strive earnestly."

[zero]

what he said

[bokonon]

it still sounds like apathy to me. it sounds like we shouldn't worry about anything that happens simply because sh!t does happen. it sounds like we shouldn't try to make things happen or plan for the future or celebrate the past.

zero: how do you see narcissism?

[FairySari]

Luke, I hope this helps shed some light for you on what it means to be a friend:

From Kahlil Gibran's 'The Prophet':

"And a youth said, Speak to us of Friendship.

And he answered, saying:

Your friend is your needs answered.

He is your field which you sow with love and reap with thanksgiving.

And he is your board and your fireside.

For you come to him with your hunger, and you seek him for peace.

When your friend speaks his mind, you fear not the "nay" in your own mind, nor do you withhold the "ay."

And when he is silent your heart ceases not to listen to his heart;

For without words, in friendship, all thoughts, all desires, all expectations are born and shared, with joy that is un acclaimed.

When you part from your friend, you grieve not;

For that which you love most in him may be clearer in his absence, as the mountain to the climber is clearer from the plain.

And let there be no purpose in friendship save the deepening of the spirit.

For love that seeks aught but the disclosure of its own mystery is not love but a net cast forth: and only the unprofitable is caught.

And let your best be for your friend.

If he must know the ebb of your tide, let him know its flood also.

For what is your friend that you should seek him with hours to kill?

Seek him always with hours to live.

For it is his to fill your need, but not your emptiness.

And in the sweetness of friendship let there be laughter, and sharing of pleasures.

For in the dew of little things the heart finds it morning and is refreshed."

[gentlemonkey]

The medium is the message. If we all gathered daily in a cave and read Byron like in Dead Poet's society we would be viewed as highly civilized.

I think the majority of people here dont concern themselves with how they are 'viewed' or 'judged'. Legitimacy in the eyes of someone else can be someone else's concern. its all about keeping it real for yourself, yo.

[AdamH]

what the chimp said! It may not be the majority but sure shootin' it's how I feel.