Be Friend

[Velvet]

"it sounds like we shouldn't worry about anything that happens simply because sh!t does happen."

No, it's the opposite. One has to be concerned with the well being of everything, and it's not a matter of passively watching it all go down. That's where the eightfold path comes in. That teaches one to feel immense love for all and a deep conviction that all actions should be aimed towards the spread of this love of equanimity.

"it sounds like we shouldn't try to make things happen or plan for the future or celebrate the past"

This statement sounds like you're misunderstanding taoism, not buddhism! I still have a problem understanding taoism (the whole inaction thing), though I love the texts.

And Sari, thanks for the Gibran. Just hearing his name makes me feel good.

[bouche]

Friendship is shown throughout this community and around the world in one simple way.

Giving happiness to people without expecting anything in return. Achieving happiness simply by making someone happy.

Imagine being treated to a meal, and no one asks for money in return. Imagine offering to help someone move, build something, fix something, paint something that needs a good painting or even taking someone to another city just to get them there to see a show.

These things happen all of the time throughout everyone I know and have met and care to continue knowing forever.

As you can probably imagine too, music is a gift and our musicians that we enjoy are our friends - until they charge 100 bucks a ticket

[guigsy]

these are good questions.. i dont know if i know what it means to befriend yourself, but i think it may have something to do with not being your own enemy.

to be a friend is kinda like being a back up quarterback. you may not always be needed, but you still have keep your head in the game, so when you are needed you're well prepared, and you can step up for your teammates.

[paisley]

some truly beautiful thoughts throughout... very cool

be good to yourself, as thats the best you can do for others... good to yourself doesn't imply overindulging, which is generally self destructive, therefore destructive to those around you

AD is off the hook for a couple of days though as everyone should see god on their birthday

[ggrtrhhrtgg]

wow, most of this stuff I have to read again to try and get my mind around it... but, what does it mean to be a friend? That is a really interesting question, and off the top of my head I would respond with the word association.

That might sound cheap, but I don't think so. During our lives, we associate ourselves with different beliefs, different cultures, MUSIC, or to generalize it all, a way of life. Our friends are a representation of our way of life. They are associated with who we choose to be or are. I like the "everyday is a new day" and as you move in another direction in life, you tend to find away, no matter what the circumstance may be, or how difficult the scrutiny may become, to continue that association, because it is a part of who you are. Anyhow, that is enough rambling....

[Thorgnor]

I don't see god?!?!?!?!!?!?!!?

Wait a minute...

HE'S EVERYWHERE!!!!! ::

[Vermontdave]

All this Bhuddist talk has got me thinking about that story of the guy who is chased over the side of a cliff by a tiger. As he's falling, he's able to grab a tree limb protruding from the cliff face. Once steady, he looks up to see the tiger who was just chasing his ass, poised to kill him if he climbs back up. Then he looks down and sees another tiger at the bottom, ready for a meal. At the last moment, when his strength is waning, he notices a berry (sources differ as to which kind) at the end of the branch. He's able to grab that berry and pop it in his mouth and, God-damned, if that weren't the best berry he ever tasted.

I know thats a story about life and not friendship, but it's still a good story.

All apologies to Bhuddism and 'King of the Hill'

peace

[paisley]

I don't see god?!?!?!?!!?!?!!?

how many days have you been looking?? usually takes me at least 2 days awake and immersed in the quest before I come across god's smiling face ::

a very happy birthday to you too Thorgnor

[zero]

Well I wrote a bang up answer to the question how do I view narcissism yesterday and the post somehow didn’t take. It’s funny because it was one of those sprawling all encompassing things and I think I found a good way of communicating it all. Look here’s the thing narcissism is usually used in a pejorative (negative) sense to mean something like ‘excessive self concern or regard’. It is viewed as an unhealthy, undesirable quality and so the accusation of being narcissistic is often accompanied by shame for the recipient (in this case often me). So understanding the relationship between narcissism and shame is a big aspect of getting a better handle on what is really meant by the concept. Likewise understanding what shame really means as opposed to say guilt is another aspect of getting your head around these matters. Perhaps not surprisingly I happen to be reading a book right now called Shame: The Underside of Narcissism so this stuff is at the top of my mind. Here is a good working definition of the difference between guilt and shame and in turn a good working definition of narcissism.

‘Whereas guilt reflects a hurtful thought or action, shame is an affective response to a perception of the self as flawed, and thus inevitably involves narcissism, vulnerability, and their various manifestations…. The essence of narcissistic concern is a yearning for absolute uniqueness and sole importance to someone else, a ‘significant other’. This yearning, which may be transitory, is signaled in patients by such statements as, ‘If I am not the only person important to (therapist or another), I feel like I am nothing.’ Such a feeling reverberates with primitive fantasies of symbiotic merger, omnipotence, and grandiosity, what Freud (1914) referred to as primary narcissism. Its emphasis is on the state and status of the self, and yet, paradoxically, it implies as well the presence of an object for whom the self is uniquely special or who offers no competition or barriers to the self in meeting needs for sustenance. The narcissistic demand for uniqueness is expressed directly, as assertions of entitlement; defensively, as haughty aloofness and grandiosity; or affectively, through dejected or rageful responses to its absence and failure. Inevitably, shame follows narcissistic defeat. Patients have described the torment they have suffered from a perceived lack of specialness: ‘This humiliation is the most painful feeling I have ever experienced.’

Now beyond just developing self-awareness these ideas are of great interest to people who follow religion, philosophy or culture. What must be understood is that Guilt Made The West. See the Bible, original sin, Luther, Freud and in particular Nietzsche. Maybe everyone has at least a passing familiarity with the biblical notion of original sin, this is somewhat developed with the introduction of Protestant Christianity under Luther and of course Freud is the modern grand daddy of guilt in the psychological sense. Now where this all gets interesting is in the Nietzschian view of things where he gets into the question of a modern world without religion. There is no faith because you can’t believe anymore, and if you don’t believe then you can do what you want. I think old Friedrich is likely greatly misunderstood and some may have browsed Thus Spoke Zarathustra or heard of the Ubermensche- a good deal of this has also been distorted by ignorant nazis and racists that have largely misunderstood his theories for their own perpetuation of an Aryan master class. In Nietzsche’s thinking the issue of the origin of guilt is addressed in a collection of essays The Genealogy of Morals including the origin of good and bad, origin of good and evil, guilt and ressentiment. In these essays Nietzsche is getting at one of if not the most central view he holds which is that claims to truth are claims to power. Words are not inert harmless things, they are loaded with their own histories and are in his view effectively instruments of control. So he points to how in a number of languages (which of course he knows) how the words for good are connected to fair haired, light skinned people and bad or mal in french for instance usually refers to the dark, arab etc. These essays also introduce the notion of the ‘master slave morality’ which is an expression of Nietzsche’s view that religion is a control system using sin and guilt, run by an unfulfilled priestly caste who take out their dissatisfaction on their flock. Man is told that he is permanently guilty with this idea being the seed of his famous ‘ressentiment’ or the animosity of the downtrodden against anything healthy free or overmanish. This all gets even more confusing because he also introduces his notion of the Will To Power and the ‘overman’ (perhaps best represented in Raskolnikov the central protagonist of Dostoyevsky’s Crime and Punishment). A key point to get is that cultural control is gone, whether this is religion, law, custom, or what have you, allowing the ‘overman’ the satisfaction of doing exactly what he wants. To suppress desire is to be weakened by guilt or bad conscience.

So what was your question again?

[shitidiot]

Sometimes in our lives we all have pain

We all have sorrow

But if we are wise

We know that there's always tomorrow

Lean on me, when you're not strong

And I'll be your friend

I'll help you carry on

For it won't be long

'Til I'm gonna need

Somebody to lean on

Please swallow your pride

If I have things you need to borrow

For no one can fill those of your needs

That you don't let show

[MarcO]

It's Raining Men

Hi - Hi! We're your Weather Girls - Ah-huh -

And have we got news for you - You better listen!

Get ready, all you lonely girls

and leave those umbrellas at home. - Alright! -

Humidity is rising - Barometer's getting low

According to all sources, the street's the place to go

Cause tonight for the first time

Just about half-past ten

For the first time in history

It's gonna start raining men.

It's Raining Men! Hallelujah! - It's Raining Men! Amen!

I'm gonna go out to run and let myself get

Absolutely soaking wet!

It's Raining Men! Hallelujah!

It's Raining Men! Every Specimen!

Tall, blonde, dark and lean

Rough and tough and strong and mean

God bless Mother Nature, she's a single woman too

She took off to heaven and she did what she had to do

She taught every angel to rearrange the sky

So that each and every woman could find her perfect guy

It's Raining Men! Hallelujah! - It's Raining Men! Amen!

It's Raining Men! Hallelujah!

It's Raining Men! Ame---------nnnn!

I feel stormy weather / Moving in about to begin

Hear the thunder / Don't you lose your head

Rip off the roof and stay in bed

God bless Mother Nature, she's a single woman too

She took off to heaven and she did what she had to do

She taught every angel to rearrange the sky

So that each and every woman could find her perfect guy

It's Raining Men! Yeah!

Humidity is rising - Barometer's getting low

According to all sources, the street's the place to go

Cause tonight for the first time

Just about half-past ten

For the first time in history

It's gonna start raining men.

It's Raining Men! Hallelujah! - It's Raining Men! Amen!

It's Raining Men! Hallelujah! - It's Raining Men!

[Booche]

Friends are special

[bokonon]

zero, if that last line of your ginormous post was supposed to sound as snotty as i took it, it was completely unecessary. i just didn't understand where you were coming from so i asked you to explain it so that maybe i could get some new insight and actually have a meaningful conversation instead of the usual "inane chatter" that i am characteristically a part of on this board. now that you have taken the time to clarify your ideas for me (thank-you) i have a better understanding of what you are saying. i just wish that the attitude could have been left out of this thread, it would have been much more enlightening. part of intellectual conversation involves defining your terms and parameters so that all participating can fully understand the topic at hand and therefore contribut meaningfully to its development.

[Velvet]

Oh, and for an overview on the buddhist concept of reality, see The Matrix.

[zero]

It shows you how internet communication is heavily prone to misunderstanding. I didn't mean that as a dig against you at all. Not whatsoever. I was just making a little flip remark (at my expense not yours) mainly at the sprawling nature of my response when in fact you had not asked for a brief history of the west.

[bokonon]

i'm a dill hole.

nice answer though, i like ones like that.