Communication Styles

[Deeps]

After engaging in a number of lively debates on the board I've learned a lot about how I communicate, and subsequently where I can improve and grow.

My question is this....

What are the different ways we can/have used threads to teach and be taught?

/*****Where I'm coming from.*********/

I have a very free interpretation of how we interact on this here board.

I've found myself retracting things because I was heavy handed in my initial tackling of a topic.

Often I get excited and dramatic and end up posting on gut instinct and then wait for the repercussions.

I've found that if I pick the extremities of my viewpoints and throw them to the good minds of the board I end up with a well-rounded look at the topic at hand. A well-rounded look that wouldn't have been achieved otherwise without me spending literally days reading and pondering my own thoughts.

I am seeing that I learn a lot more by just opening my mouth than I would have, had I been calculated and tongue biting.

My appraoch has definitely got to annoy some people. In my experiences I've seen a lot of folk who are more prone to say very little until they have convinced themselves that they are experts or near experts on a topic.

Quite a different way than I work indeed ;-)

I can see the virtue in such a humble approach. My friends who prescribe to the strong silent method are very easy to be around and stir little controversy and when they do speak their words are precise and to the point. Their viewpoints have a calculable wisdom and set a good example for the mouthy types like myself.

I also see that the strong silent types, even with their research in tow can end up saying to themselves "Well, who am I to say anything?" and stifle their own voice.

I find this interesting and often wonder if the collective would be better educated if those voices became audible. Not that they have to ... I was just wondering.

There may be something to do with negative feelings around being singled out in previous debate circles or not being paid attention to in the past at play or nothing at all and that's fine too!

/*************************************/

Anyway, if ANYONE around here has put some thought to this kind of communication interplay/non-play/over-play and can recall examples of them or simply have a 2 cent addition they'd like to donate to this thread I'd like to hear your thoughts.

Take care,

Deeps

[MarcO]

Can you rephrase that?

[Paan]

I think these boards are alot like being behind the wheel of a car... the human touch is lost, and people react alot more extremely than they would face to face. How many times has somebody walked in front of you and said sorry or excuse me, and nothing is thought of it. Yet when somebody in a car cuts you off... if you had a gun you would probably shoot them.

I know many-a-times people have taken things that I said and either taken them out of context, or blew them way out of proportion... that is until they get to know me, and there is no issue after that.

Sure you can use the purple text more often to show that you are joking, but that's like when they put those little blue and red streaks around the hockey pucks in games... sure it makes things alot more obvious, but its just stupid and unneccessary.

There are just some personality types out there that get off on putting people down, and others that always have to be right or get in the last word... and the best thing to do there is just igonore them. The more you reply to them, the more you are fuelling them.

At this point, I don't judge anybody by what is said on this board... I wait until I meet them.

Anyhoo, that's my 3.5 cents.

[Kaidy Mae]

I've always been pretty opinionated and (like Deeps said) can say/write things in a heated debate that I may want to tone down after weighing in both sides.

I guess the one rule I have for myself on here is to remember that each individual on here is someone I have or possibly will meet in my life. There are friends of mine on here who I care about dearly, yet strongly disagree with on some points. I respect them for being able to stick to their guns and participate in a mature debate. When I read something that pisses me off (from someone I have not yet met), I try to respond as if they were a friend with a differing opinion.

There's no need for putting people down on the board. Personality (humour, etc) does come across on the board. I think by attacking strangers you are setting the stage for an uncomfortable future introduction. Few people agree on everything (what boring relationships we would have if they did). Creating a feud before you get to know someone means possibly losing the opportunity to get to know someone who could've been a great friend. Not worth it.

[Jaimoe]

I'll take conversing with someone over drinks at a local watering-hole over written debates. Still, I like this board, especially the off-music topic threads.

[Kaidy Mae]

Still, I like this board, especially the off-music topic threads.

Agreed. Chats in pubs are always prefered, but I have met a lot of wonderful folks due to this board.

The non-music content is some of my favourite. Where else would you ever find such an eclectic collection of trivia, images, jokes and smut? There sure are some funky minds in this community.

[TomFoolery]

I too think by speaking (or writing as the case were).

Everyone has their own style of reaching conclusions and it partly shapes how they engage in debates/conversations.

I will happily change my point of view if I'm convinced I'm wrong. But, it has to be a well argued case to get me there...

Edited July 22, 2005 by Guest
piss poor grammar

[Dr_Evil_Mouse]

Some day the technology might get far enough along that people might actually be able to communicate in real time in music. Wouldn't that be something for a board by this name!

In the meantime, I do like this text-based communication, in part because I can be over-quiet in person, in part because it (usually) forces me to think at least twice about the things I come out with. The dangers, of course, everybody is aware of - the 2-dimensionality of it, the inability sometimes to tease out the subtle meta-communicative signals and frames we use in ordinary conversation, the fact that unless someone makes a point of saying so, you don't know what state of mind (or inebriation, etc.) your interlocutors are in, what sort of shitty day they may be having, what background tensions they might be living with that erupt in weird pronouncements that might be interpreted in entirely the wrong ways, etc. etc.

But all told, it's still a wonderful medium for getting a bunch of more or less like-minded people in a forum - people who I've been meeting over the last many months, and as a general rule, really liking and looking forward to seeing again. People who write academically on cyberspace use the term "intelligent communities" - I think that despite the occasional gaffes (and I'll be the first to confess to making these), that description holds really well here.

It does sadden me, though, when people get flamed for just thinking out loud. How else are we supposed to get more intelligent? Patience is an exceptionally important virtue here.

[Paan]

Amen

[Deeps]

There's some really good advice here.

Patience is so key.

I've also taken to reading posts by Skancs that are participating in the current debate that are from other threads. It helps to get a feel of their character albeit a small feel.

I'll take a small feel over no feel though. Heh heh mmmm.....oh god sorry uuuughgg ummm I wish I could take that back.

PM'ing on the side to help support someone who's getting a little grilled also helps.

Deeps

[MarcO]

look, please just continue to express yourselves freely and honestly and let the chips fall where they may. We're all adults here and I think we carry ourselves with a fair amount of dignity, forgiveness and good humour. Things get mis-interpreted, heat up etc. but that's just human nature. Everyone I've ever met from this board has been wonderful in person, so don't let the on-line squabbles get you down.

[Booche]

Fuck off MarcO, you pussy.

Deal with those chips...........

[Deeps]

I like the Beatles.

Deeps

Edited July 22, 2005 by Guest
I spelled something wrong.

[MarcO]

Fuck off MarcO, you pussy.

Deal with those chips...........

poor poor Booche...... used to be a moderator, now he's just a lurker.....

[SevenSeasJim]

those little blue and red streaks around the hockey pucks in games...

Never and I repeat Never watch hockey on FOX.

[gentlemonkey]

Deeps,

It really doesnt matter what you write!

...I'll let you in on a secret..

Every personality on here is a creation, or incurred intellectual property of the Bouchard brothers Corporation. Every message that a new non-fiction member posts is automatically delivered in code to Andre's blackberry-spine filter program. The messages come right up his spine and into his brain! He then processes the message and displays his version of it to others to best suit the progress of the board, and the personal agenda of the bouchard family (oil). Controlling what everyone reads, and who it seems is writing the 'messages'. If you've ever seen Andre glass over, its just a backup of messages coming through at once. He pretends to be having a flashback usually.

Member personas are either created by the Bouchard bros and their team of writers. In your case, new members join the board, become comfortable with the atmosphere, participating and revealing yourself and before you know it, you are being vsited by a member of the 'community'. (you've probably read about this happening)- drinks, music, fun, hottubs, all lies. lies created to suck you in.

.. what you dont hear about is being drugged, shaven, and transported to the incubater chamber in a basement in Hull where all your life energy is harvested to power the magnificent inter-webeast that is the legacy of the bouchards..

the SKANKTRIX.

Soon your lovable persona is nothing more than an afterthought on Andre's auto-response, and you end up delivering random one liners and blathering nonsense and conspiracy theories that no one witha job would ever read.

This is like a reality internet TV show, and the Bouchards are like Mark Burnett, Bob Denver, Donald Trump and Roger Loge all rolled into two.

OK, its out.

[fluffhead77]

Oh what a hairy web they weave....

[StellaBlue]

There is absolutely nothing wrong with being controversial. Almost all of the worlds greatest spiritual, intellectual and pollitical leaders were highly controversial people.

Bring on the debates! Bring on the perspectives opininions and ideas! Let's leave out the name calling and the rest will sort itself out.

[SmoothedShredder]

Sometimes you got to get lost to know where you are.

[StellaBlue]

Hey GenMon,

I too have an uncle and I would like to learn more about your strange and exciting religion. Where should I send my $$?

[Calamity Jane]

Deeps -- I think you've sussed out 2 communicative types -- those who process AS they speak/write (and let their passion carry them without self-censure) and those who want to be VERY sure of which they speak and process much BEFORE they commit anything to words.

I, like you and TomFoolery am of the former type.

TF -- I remember the first time we met I was babbling on about something and slipped in a "But who knows, I could be talking out of my ass...." and without missing a beat, you said "oh, yes! I speak that language fluently myself!!" LOL

I figure it's the folks like us, willing to put our feet in our mouths perhaps, that at least get debates started.

But as someone who has been flamed/grilled (Mmmmm.. craving Harvey's right now.....) I find I retreat somewhat and lick my wounds...but I seem to keep coming back (short term memory problem, perhaps).

Debate is always informative; name-calling NEVER.

Good-natured ribbing, though, seems awfully hard to convey in this medium unless you've had the good fortune of meeting in "meatspace" before-hand, I find.