bouche Posted September 27, 2006 Report Share Posted September 27, 2006 Chives Vs. KungRound 1Chives: Exclaim magazine is like that really hot girl you're'fu@k buddies' with: they're really attractive and entertaining and well put together, but the second the superficial thrill is gone, you start to remember and hate how annoying this girl's personality is. She has a whiny voice, she reads 'Adbusters,' and she likes music you can not stand. But if you're a music lover like I am...you get real horny like for reading about the art form you adore and about once a month you get an urge. Exclaim has the potential for greatness - for having a voice that could actually influence people's opinions on music - they just have to take the indie-leftist-bullshit cock out of their mouth and start speaking the truth. Kung: Well Chives my good man your demigoguery is truly reaching demigod status. I have woken up next to that selfsame chick. This is not my beautiful house. This is not my beautiful wife. So where is the David Byrne type sh!t these days? If I'm going to go in for that Art School trip I at least want Pete Townshend or David Bryne or Townshend-Byrneish type figures backing it up. I saw Bell Orchestre at the Guelph Jazz Festival and the chick in the pixie skirt (the violin chick) was real, umm distracting like, and even that Archie looking fu�ker from Arcade Fire was relatively unannoying but the whole thing was like a big meh. Like that word meh for you know just a steaming pile of turd. Thing is the french horn guy Pietro Amato is really the sh!t in Torngat and they were all good players although the drummer guy was super efete in a kind of flouncy way and had those massively tweezed eyebrows that make you sort of uncomfortable in your masculinity. He, the eyebrow drummer guy, did this kind of cutesy bit with a typewriter and you could tell he did it at every show like the between song jokes that Wynona Judd and Reba McEntire do night after night. I guess I'm saying that Exclaim! is sort of like the drummer/typewriterist from Bell Orchestre (or really any male with overly groomed eyebrows that quietly question yours and his masculinity) although I'm not quite sure how I got here.Round 2Chives:Ouch! I'd hate to be compared to Bell Orchestre cuz I just checked out their website and they seem like the gayest sh!t I've ever seen...their bio section sent douche-bag shivers down my spine and made me want to drink tequilla from the skull of a dead hooker just to regain some of the masculinity that bullshit took away from me. Personally I have no time whatsoever for that type of pretentious bullshit...is Exclaim as bad as Bell Orchestre? Maybe, but I don't think they're quite there yet - they always manage to pull at lesat one good review or story out of their ass, though they do seem to celebrate really gay sh!t. So maybe the two aren't all that far off from one another. Bell Orchestre...ha ha ha...god that is some gay sh!t. Kung:We should be clear that we don't mean gay in a Brokeback Mountain ( ed. yes that is exactly what we mean - the old spit on the finger )sort of way or a hateful sort of way. Hidden Cameras are for instance (largely) gay and 'gay' in the Eminem sense of the word. Gentleman Reg is very very gay. I saw him guest with Final Fantasy at Hillside and they did that Tom Tom Club song that everybody knows as a Mariah Carey song. He was sort of lollygagging his foot and you know singing a Mariah Carey song. I told him afterward "Reg I hope you don't take this the wrong way but that was possibly the GAYEST thing I've ever seen". He smiled genuinely but you always kind of wonder if he's imagining you naked. But yes yes Exclaim! They are not so gay as Reg indeed. I think we both probably agree that they are even occasionally "illin'". You dug that fu�k The Facts feature right Chives? And that Massari guy you're down with him too (you want to talk eyebrows). Across the board it's pretty fu�king tight- alls we're saying is where is the brown? Let's take this to brown town.DecisionKung throws in the towel. Chives WINS Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SaggyBalls Posted September 28, 2006 Report Share Posted September 28, 2006 gettin' low on news, Bouche? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zero Posted September 28, 2006 Report Share Posted September 28, 2006 I got an idea. Why don't you write us a four page diatribe with no breaks or indentation about why this isn't news. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
phorbesie Posted September 28, 2006 Report Share Posted September 28, 2006 *yawn* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ggrtrhhrtgg Posted September 28, 2006 Report Share Posted September 28, 2006 Some may not CLASSIFY IT as news, however, I would suggest that it is mighty entertaining. Painting some interesting pictures in my head. Oh, is that a bell I hear??Ding-Ding Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bouche Posted September 28, 2006 Author Report Share Posted September 28, 2006 this is only round ONE! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zero Posted September 28, 2006 Report Share Posted September 28, 2006 I don't know how I can win against this guy seriously.their bio section sent douche-bag shivers down my spine and made me want to drink tequilla from the skull of a dead hooker Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bouche Posted September 28, 2006 Author Report Share Posted September 28, 2006 this is only round ONE! sorry, it's only the FIRST bout Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
adambrot Posted September 28, 2006 Report Share Posted September 28, 2006 I don't see the point of giving airtime in a discussion about art to people who don't understand art. Let the monkeys play with their bananas... no use in forcing them to listen to Mozart and expecting a coherent critique.Boring! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pablo Sanchez Posted September 28, 2006 Report Share Posted September 28, 2006 Love it!!Love it Love it!Beats, poo on you. This is exactly the kind of stuff this board needs. This is fun, it has character and its unique. Looking forward to more. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AdamH Posted September 28, 2006 Report Share Posted September 28, 2006 I've seen better but hopefully this is just a warmup. I think Chives can be beat if, in round one, he's already fallen back on douche bag and "gay" (and yes, I read your explanation, and no I truly think he means the gay vesion of gay) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr. J Posted September 28, 2006 Report Share Posted September 28, 2006 I don't know how I can win against this guy seriously."Float like a butterfly....sting like a bee." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zero Posted September 28, 2006 Report Share Posted September 28, 2006 I don't see the point of giving airtime in a discussion about art to people who don't understand art.I appreciate the critique but it's not exactly like Chives and I are ignorant of our art history. If the argument is that we don't create art it should also be noted Chives is an experimental film maker/ writer and I am a dancer/ writer. From my experience people are just as tired of lording over people with perennial motifs and zeitgeist awakenings. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bouche Posted September 28, 2006 Author Report Share Posted September 28, 2006 and I am a dancer/ writer. Hold up....Hold up! Zero is a Dancer? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SaggyBalls Posted September 28, 2006 Report Share Posted September 28, 2006 i didn't poo poo the content but generally expect music related features on the front page.way to go kung for changing that...i personally look forward to seeing some of kung's dance moves one of these days. wait!! would that be zero?? all these multiple personalities makes board life confusing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zero Posted September 29, 2006 Report Share Posted September 29, 2006 Bout 2: Beards and HaircutsI ain't going down early on this one. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
green go Posted October 2, 2006 Report Share Posted October 2, 2006 this is what chives vs kung is all about, the real news... dont you get it??? the false bull sh!t bio mypsace created reviews, and forever re-praising of the same genereic `pop` alt rock that exclaim loooooves... is in no way NEWS!, get it together. folks, i will forgive you because you have been living in this false protected world of the ever-s0- perfect and molded canadian music scene. BUT, you have seen the light, go towards it and maybe provide a useful argument other than bashing someones outside and " actually alternative" thoughts on the industry.thats all i have to say for now,kudos to my boys chives and kung Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dave-O Posted October 2, 2006 Report Share Posted October 2, 2006 Hey green go, here's some news for you - the typo in your signature link takes you to a porn site. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zero Posted October 2, 2006 Report Share Posted October 2, 2006 It'll be worth it when you actually get there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AD Posted October 2, 2006 Report Share Posted October 2, 2006 awesome for those of us on work computers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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