bradm Posted January 9, 2007 Report Share Posted January 9, 2007 (edited) If there were a t-shirt with a Matt Groening drawing of Troy McLure wearing a Phish t-shirt, and giving a smiling thumbs-up, I'd buy it.Edit to add: Or, better yet, a drawing of Troy with his arms around the members of Phish.Aloha,Brad Edited January 9, 2007 by Guest Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Davey Boy 2.0 Posted January 9, 2007 Report Share Posted January 9, 2007 [phone rings]Parker: Troy! Mac Parker. Ever hear of... Planet of the Apes? Troy: Uh... the movie or the planet?Parker: The brand-new multimillion dollar musical. And you are starring... as the human. Troy: It's the part I was born to play, baby! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Davey Boy 2.0 Posted January 10, 2007 Report Share Posted January 10, 2007 Smithers wonders if assassinating Abe is really necessary due to his old age, but Burns can't risk to lose the Hellfish bonanza to Abe, so he needs the world's most devious assassin: Fernando Vidal.At his mansion, Vidal answers the phone.Vidal: Hola?Burns: Fernando, it's M.B.Vidal: Ah, Marion Barry. Is it time for another shipment already?"No, it's Montgomery Burns!" Vidal executes plan A: while Abe is asleep, he pours some drops of poison in his water glass, which holds his dentures. Then, he simply advances the alarm clock to Abe's wake-up time. In his slumber, Abe throws away the glass with his teeth and sticks a clock in his mouth.[Abe's poison teeth lie on the floor as he runs with a clock in his mouth]Vidal: Ah, he's more clever than he looks... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Booche Posted January 10, 2007 Report Share Posted January 10, 2007 Homer: Oh, stupid movies! [bangs projector] Who invented these dumb things anyway? Was it you, Bart?Lisa: It was Thomas Edison, Dad.Bart: I thought he invented the light bulb.Lisa: That too. He also invented the phonograph, the microphone, and the electric car.Homer: No one man can do all that. You're a liar, honey, a dirty rotten liar.Abe: Finish her! Finish her!Lisa: It's true. I read it at a placemat at a restaurant.Homer: Really? A restaurant? Well, now I don't know what to think. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cully Posted January 10, 2007 Author Report Share Posted January 10, 2007 "I got hooked on the White Stuff in the 70s." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Esau. Posted January 10, 2007 Report Share Posted January 10, 2007 Legs: Johnny Tightlips, where'd they hit ya?Johnny Tightlips: I ain't sayin' nothin'Legs: But what'll I'll tell the doctor?Johnny Tightlips: Tell him to suck a lemon Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cully Posted January 11, 2007 Author Report Share Posted January 11, 2007 -Larry is given a margarita, and invites everyone to party. The entire crowd cheers, and Journey's "Any Way You Want It" starts playing loudly as everyone starts dancing while drinking a lot of liquor.- Lisa: Who's playing that music? Marge: And where's all that liquor coming from? Homer: It's a party, Marge. It doesn't have to make sense. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Prost Posted January 11, 2007 Report Share Posted January 11, 2007 LISA(inner monologue): "Poor, predictable Bart. Always picking Rock."BART(inner monologue): "Good 'ol Rock. Nothing beats that!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ItsDave Posted January 11, 2007 Report Share Posted January 11, 2007 The goggles, they do nothing! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cully Posted January 12, 2007 Author Report Share Posted January 12, 2007 I'm an old man. I hate everything but Matlock. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cully Posted January 16, 2007 Author Report Share Posted January 16, 2007 Krusty: But I love that plane! I used to fly to Vegas in it with Dean Martin. One time we were flyin' in it, and the moon hit his eye like a big pizza pie! We wrote a song about it! But it ended up infringing on one he recorded years before... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Booche Posted January 17, 2007 Report Share Posted January 17, 2007 Kent: This reporter's opinion is for our lard-laden lads to shape up. Get out and try fun activities like military service, franetic dancing, or good old fasioned pee-wee football.Homer: There you go, Bart! Pee-wee football will melt away those unsightly pounds and inches.Bart: Yeah, but I could get seriously hurt!Homer: Then its settled.% At the Flanders house, Rod, Todd and Ned are sat on the couch.Todd: We don't have to play football, do we, daddy?Ned: Ho ho ho, you betcha. Team sports will keep you away from temptations like rock music and girls.Both: Yaaay! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ItsDave Posted January 18, 2007 Report Share Posted January 18, 2007 Jimbo: Hey! You're that drunken posse.Wow...can I join ya?Homer: [skeptical] I don't know...can you swing a sack of door knobs?Jimbo: Can I?!Homer: You're in! Here's the sack.Moe: But you gotta supply your own knobs. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Booche Posted January 18, 2007 Report Share Posted January 18, 2007 Homer: [sophisticated] Um, I'm looking for something in an after-dinner burrito. [Apu begins nuking a Strawberrito.]Apu: You'll have it in 45 seconds, sir. To pass the time, please enjoy this novelty pen. [He hands Homer a nudie woman pen.]Homer: Why would I wanna look at a pen with a-- *gasp* Oh no, her clothes are coming off! [Covers his eyes, but takes a peek.] Heh heh, hey! You know who would love this? .......Men. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr_Evil_Mouse Posted January 20, 2007 Report Share Posted January 20, 2007 Burns: Well, doc, I think I did pretty well on my tests. You may shake my hand if you like.Doctor: Well, under the circumstances, I'd rather not.Burns: Eh?Doctor: Mr. Burns, I'm afraid you are the sickest man in the United States. You have everything.Burns: You mean I have pneumonia?Doctor: Yes.Burns: Juvenile diabetes?Doctor: Yes.Burns: Hysterical pregnancy?Doctor: Uh, a little bit, yes. You also have several diseases that have just been discovered -- in you.Burns: I see. You sure you haven't just made thousands of mistakes?Doctor: Uh, no, no, I'm afraid not.Burns: This sounds like bad news.Doctor: Well, you'd think so, but all of your diseases are in perfect balance. Uh, if you have a moment, I can explain.Burns: Well ... [looks at his watch][the Doctor puts a tiny model house door on his desk]Doctor: Here's the door to your body, see? [bring up some small fuzz balls with goofy faces and limbs from under the desk] And these are oversized novelty germs. [points to a different one up as he names each disease] That's influenza, that's bronchitis, [holds up one] and this cute little cuddle-bug is pancreatic cancer. Here's what happens when they all try to get through the door at once. [tries to cram a bunch through the model door. The "germs" get stuck] [stooge-like] Woo-woo-woo-woo-woo-woo-woo! Move it, chowderhead! [normal voice] We call it, "Three Stooges Syndrome."Burns: So what you're saying is, I'm indestructible!Doctor: Oh, no, no, in fact, even slight breeze could --Burns: Indestructible. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cully Posted January 26, 2007 Author Report Share Posted January 26, 2007 You can't seriously want to ban alcohol. It tastes great, makes women appear more attractive, and makes a person virtually invulnerable to criticism. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Freak By Night Posted January 26, 2007 Report Share Posted January 26, 2007 Marge: Ooh that sounds fabulous, Homer. Stores throw the best parties.Homer: You like parties, huh? Well, I just remembered they're having a big one down at the waterfront this weekend.Marge: You didn't remember that. You just saw it on TV.Homer: The important thing is I didn't imagine it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Booche Posted January 26, 2007 Report Share Posted January 26, 2007 Lisa: Hey! Look, there's a cyber-café opening here in Springfield. Will you take me, Dad, please? I'll show you how to order pizza over the internet.Homer: The internet? Is that thing still around?Bart: I know a web site that shows monkeys doing it.Lisa: Bart, the internet is more than a global pornography network it's........ [Homer, in the car with Bart, honks the horn]Homer: Come on, Lisa -- monkeys! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cully Posted January 27, 2007 Author Report Share Posted January 27, 2007 Homer: We're going out, Marge! If we don't come back, avenge our deaths! Marge: [from inside the kitchen] All right! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Esau. Posted January 27, 2007 Report Share Posted January 27, 2007 [color:red]Apu: Hello. I am not interested in buying your house, but I would like to use your restroom, flip through your magazines, rearrange your carefully shelved items and handle your food products in an unsanitary manner. Ha! Now you know how it feels![color:red]Homer: Thank you. Come again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ItsDave Posted January 29, 2007 Report Share Posted January 29, 2007 'Maybe it's the beer talking Marge but you got a butt that won't quit...They got these big chewy pretzels here merJanthfgrrrgjrrdrmmm (squiggly lines down the postcard) five dollars??! Get outta here.' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kookycanooky Posted January 29, 2007 Report Share Posted January 29, 2007 MY EYES! THE GOGLES DO NOTHING!!!Thats for you, Goopy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cully Posted February 2, 2007 Author Report Share Posted February 2, 2007 Homer: Forget it! That elephant cost me thousands of dollars.Lisa: Dad, how would _you_ like to be sold to an ivory dealer?Homer: I'd like it fine.Bart: Even if he killed you and made your teeth into piano keys?Homer: Yes, of course I would! Who wouldn't like that -- to be part of the music scene? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
timouse Posted February 2, 2007 Report Share Posted February 2, 2007 apu: give me land, lots of land, under sunny skies above, don't fence me in...sir you can not pee unless you are an employee... homer: can't keep it in... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cully Posted February 2, 2007 Author Report Share Posted February 2, 2007 Scorpio!He'll sting you with his dreams of power and wealth!Beware of Scorpio!His twisted twin obsessions are his plot to rule the worldAnd his employees' health!He'll welcome you into his lairLike the nobleman welcomes his guest!With free dental care and a stock plan that helps you invest!But beware of his generous pensionsPlus three weeks paid vacation each year!And on Fridays the lunchroom serves hot dogs and burgers and beers!He loves German beer! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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