Cully Posted January 5, 2007 Author Report Share Posted January 5, 2007 Homer: "Son, a woman is like a beer. They smell good, they look good, you'd step over your own mother just to get one! But you can't stop at one. You wanna drink another woman!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Booche Posted January 5, 2007 Report Share Posted January 5, 2007 Bart Simpson (spelling "Impervious" in a spelling : I...M...P Nelson: Bart is pee! Ralph Wiggum: I made Bart in my pants! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cully Posted January 5, 2007 Author Report Share Posted January 5, 2007 Homer: "Yeah Moe that team sure did suck last night. They just plain sucked! I've seen teams suck before, but they were the suckiest bunch of sucks that ever sucked!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Esau. Posted January 5, 2007 Report Share Posted January 5, 2007 "Son, we are about the break the surly bonds of gravity, and punch the face of God." -- Homer Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Booche Posted January 5, 2007 Report Share Posted January 5, 2007 Grandpa: My Homer is not a communist. He may be a liar, a pig, an idiot, a communist, but he is not a porn star. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NewRider Posted January 5, 2007 Report Share Posted January 5, 2007 Marge: Homer, the plant called. They said if you don't show up tomorrow don't bother showing up on Monday. Homer: Woo-hoo. Four-day weekend. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Patchoulia Posted January 5, 2007 Report Share Posted January 5, 2007 Dr. Nick: Hi everybody! Homer & Bart: Hi Doctor Nick! Nick: Now there are many options available for dangerously underweighted individuals like yourself. I recommend a slow steady gorging process combined with assal horizontology. Homer: [pensive] Of course. Nick: [points to a chart] You'll want to focus on the neglected food groups such as the whipped group, the congealed group and the chocotastic! Homer: What can I do to speed the whole thing up, Doctor? Nick: Well...be creative.Instead of making sandwiches with bread, use poptarts. Instead of chewing gum, chew bacon, heh... Bart: You could brush your teeth with milkshakes! Dr. Nick: Hey, did you go to Hollywood Upstairs Medical College too? And remember, if you're not sure about something, rub it against a piece of paper. If the paper turns clear, it's your window to weight gain. Bye bye, everybody! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NewRider Posted January 5, 2007 Report Share Posted January 5, 2007 Ralph: Hi, Super Nintendo Chalmers! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Booche Posted January 5, 2007 Report Share Posted January 5, 2007 Homer: Not a bear in sight. The Bear Patrol must be working like a charm.Lisa: That's spacious reasoning, Dad.Homer: Thank you, dear.Lisa: By your logic I could claim that this rock keeps tigers away.Homer: Oh, how does it work?Lisa: It doesn't work.Homer: Uh-huh.Lisa: It's just a stupid rock.Homer: Uh-huh.Lisa: But I don't see any tigers around, do you?Homer: Lisa, I want to buy your rock. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LJFH Posted January 5, 2007 Report Share Posted January 5, 2007 Homer: So anyway, Lenny and Carl are never around on Wednesdays and they don't tell me where they go. It's like a conspiracy. Bart: A conspiracy, eh? You think they might be involved in the Kennedy assassination in some way?Homer: I do...now. Anyway, I'm going to follow them tonight and see where they go.Marge: Oh, Homer, don't start stalking people again. It's so _illegal_. Remember when you were stalking Charles Kuralt because you thought he dug up your garden?Homer: Well, something did!Marge: I don't want you stalking anyone tonight.Homer: Oh, OK, have it your own way, Marge. I'll be back in a minute [gets up]: I'm...[sly] going outside. To..._stalk_...Lenny and Carl. [realizes] D'oh!-- Homer has a garden?, "Homer the Great" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LJFH Posted January 5, 2007 Report Share Posted January 5, 2007 and another from one of my very fav episodesHomer: Why don't people like me, Marge?Marge: Mmm, everyone likes you, you're a wonderful person.Homer: Why don't those stupid idiots let me in their crappy club for jerks?Marge: I'm sure it's nothing personal, Homer.Homer: It is. It's been happening to me all my life. [flashback to kids climbing into a treefort] Boy: Hey Billy! Hey Joey! Come on in. There's plenty of room. Sorry, not you, Homer. Homer: Why not? [boy points to sign, "No Homers Club"] But you let in Homer Glumplich.Homer G.: [pops head out window] Hyuck hyuck! Boy: It says no Homer_s_. We're allowed to have one. Homer: Oh... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kookycanooky Posted January 5, 2007 Report Share Posted January 5, 2007 from my favorite episode Al: [reflected in Homer's head] Homer, did you polish your head in the Shine-O Ball-O? Homer: Mmm...no. and also... KNIGHT BOAT! the crime solving boat! and again.... Homer: [voice-over] I was in heaven. If horseracing is the sport of kings, then surely bowling is a...very good sport as well. and the cream of the crop... Marge: Homey, I -- Homer: Can't talk, praying. Dear Lord, the gods have been good to me and I am thankful. For the first time in my life, everything is absolutely perfect just the way it is. So here's the deal: you freeze everything as it is, and I won't ask for anything more. If that is OK, please give me absolutely no sign. [brief pause] OK, deal. In gratitude, I present you this offering of cookies and milk. If you want me to eat them for you, please give me no sign. [brief pause] Thy will be done! [mows down] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
timouse Posted January 5, 2007 Report Share Posted January 5, 2007 I used to be with it. Then they changed what it was. Now what i'm with isn't it, and what's it is weird and scary." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
questcequecest? Posted January 5, 2007 Report Share Posted January 5, 2007 MONO = ONE RAIL = RAIL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NewRider Posted January 5, 2007 Report Share Posted January 5, 2007 Peter: By the way Lois, I got a piercing over there. I'm not going to tell you where but I will give you a hint--it wasn't on my nose or my ear and it was one of my balls. wrong show.. DOH! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FairySari Posted January 5, 2007 Report Share Posted January 5, 2007 Marge: There's someone here who can help you Homer. Homer: Is it Batman? Marge: No Homer, it's a scientist. Homer: Batman's a scientist. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cully Posted January 5, 2007 Author Report Share Posted January 5, 2007 Homer: "I like my beer cold…my TV loud…and my homosexuals flaming." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Calamity Jane Posted January 6, 2007 Report Share Posted January 6, 2007 My all-time favourite Homer - Marge excahnge which my darling friend Ili can recite to me in both voices! Cully....never knew you were such a fan...you should play SimpsUno with us all sometime! Is Your Spouse a Souse?[color:brown] Homer: ...so they say I might have a problem. [finishes brushing his teeth, and polishes off a bottle of that wonderful Duff] Marge: [reading from a pamphlet entitled, "Is Your Spouse a Souse?"] Homey, do you ever drink alone? Homer: Does the Lord count as a person? Marge: No. Homer: Then yes. Marge: Do you need a beer to fall asleep? Homer: Thank you, that'd be nice. Marge: Do you ever hide beer around the house? Homer: Do I ever! [fetches a beer from its hiding place in the toilet tank, and takes a swig] Ahhhh. Marge: Do you ever drink to escape from reality. Homer: [looks in the mirror and imagines himself as a big muscular guy] [to "Can-Can"] Duhh, duh duh duh duh duuh duuh, duh duh duh duh duuh duuh, duh duh duh duh duh, duh duh duh duh... Marge: Homey, I'd like you to do something for me. Homer: You name it. Marge: I want you to give up beer for a month. Homer: You got it. No deer for a month. Marge: Did you say beer, or deer? Homer: .... Deer. Marge: Please, Homey, I know you can do this. Homer: All right, starting tomorrow no beer for a month.[puts the light out. We can hear the sound of a can popping open] Marge: What was that noise? Homer: I was saying, "Psssst, I love you." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cully Posted January 8, 2007 Author Report Share Posted January 8, 2007 "You Can't Make Friends With Salad" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cully Posted January 8, 2007 Author Report Share Posted January 8, 2007 "And how is education supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home winemaking course, and I forgot how to drive?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kookycanooky Posted January 8, 2007 Report Share Posted January 8, 2007 Thats because you were drunk!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Davey Boy 2.0 Posted January 8, 2007 Report Share Posted January 8, 2007 And how! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Patchoulia Posted January 8, 2007 Report Share Posted January 8, 2007 Homer: Hello, Marge. Hello, Bart. How are the tennis partners?Marge: Oh, Homer, I'm sorry to hurt your feelings. [hugs Homer]Homer: [pushing her away] Don't touch me. Your hands feel like salad tongs.Marge: I just wanted to win for once. Please don't take it as a threat to your manhood.Homer: [gasps] My manhood! I never thought of that!Bart: We were good, Dad. They asked us to play in the Krusty Klassic.Marge: It's for charity. It benefits victims of balcony collapse.Bart: We can wipe out BC in our lifetime.Homer: I don't care about BC. I care about M. E. -- My Enjoyment! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Booche Posted January 8, 2007 Report Share Posted January 8, 2007 (This, from one of my favorite episodes) [Marge approaches Homer who is sitting in his car in the Simpsons driveway and knocks on the window] Marge: Homer [knocks on car window again] Homer, why aren't you at work? Homer: The car won't start. I don't feel very good today. I am at work. Marge: You're afraid to go to work because Frank Grimes will be there, aren't you? Homer: That's crazy talk. You're crazy, Marge. Get off the road! [honks horn] Marge: [gets in the car] You have to face him sometime, and when you do I'm sure he'll be just as anxious to make up as you are. Homer: No he won't, he hates me. Marge: He doesn't hate you. He just feels insecure because you're getting through life so easily, and it's been so difficult for him. Homer: Yeah, yeah, that's his problem, he's a nut! It's not about me being lazy, it's about him being a crazy nut. Marge: Well ... maybe. But I bet he would be less crazy if you were just a little more, mmm, professional in your work. Homer: [gasps] Marge: Just a little more. Then he won't have any reason to resent you. Homer: I'll do it! [produces a bottle of that wonderful Duff] To professionalism! [drinks beer] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cully Posted January 8, 2007 Author Report Share Posted January 8, 2007 This episode was on last night...I forgot how many great lines is has!!!Homer: "Hi... ummm... let me have some of those porno magazines... large boxof condoms... a couple of those panty shields and someillegal fireworks and one of those disposable enemas.Ehhh... make it two."a little later....Marge goes through Homer's purchase. "I don't know what you haveplanned tonight, but count me out." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now