Northern Wish Posted August 23, 2007 Report Share Posted August 23, 2007 Ways I've Let DownPopular Musicians. BY JOHN MOE - - - -Disappointed Chrissie Hynde by continuing to sob. Permitted sun to go down on Elton John, thus failing him. Failed to heed warning to stop in the name of love, broke Diana Ross's heart. Was cruel to a heart that was true, much to the chagrin of Elvis Presley. Stopped prior to getting enough, despite urging to the contrary by Michael Jackson. Spoke even when told not to by Gwen Stefani. Stopped believin', let go of the feelin', thereby enraging Steve Perry. Clutched it too tightly, lost control, resulting in tersely worded letter from .38 Special. Said "never"; Romeo Void merely shook their heads sadly. Got together with only a few people, made no effort to love one another, received awkward phone call from the Youngbloods. Monkees left at the station with only their worries after I missed the last train to Clarksville. Failed to feel the noize, which doesn't seem like my fault, but Quiet Riot was still peeved. Stayed perfectly sane, leaving Prince to go crazy by himself, which actually worked out best for everyone. Went changing to try to please Billy Joel. Total fiasco. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bradm Posted August 23, 2007 Report Share Posted August 23, 2007 (edited) Failed to cut up and pass around John Prine's body, opting instead to bury it.Aloha,Brad Edited August 23, 2007 by Guest Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AD Posted August 23, 2007 Report Share Posted August 23, 2007 he's alive still. the joke doesn't work, for me Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bradm Posted August 23, 2007 Report Share Posted August 23, 2007 he's alive still. the joke doesn't work, for meThe lyrics of the song say that he died, and I'm going with that.Aloha,Brad Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AD Posted August 23, 2007 Report Share Posted August 23, 2007 ok Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
phishtaper Posted August 23, 2007 Report Share Posted August 23, 2007 Painted it White and infuriated Mick. Keith didnt notice. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AD Posted August 23, 2007 Report Share Posted August 23, 2007 I refused to show Peter Frampton the way. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MarcO Posted August 23, 2007 Report Share Posted August 23, 2007 Failed to cut up and pass around John Prine's body, opting instead to bury it.Aloha,Braddo you mean John Brown's Body, or the singer-songwriter John Prine. Or Don Henley maybe? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
timouse Posted August 23, 2007 Report Share Posted August 23, 2007 refused to turn up my radio. van morrison still doesn't return my calls. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AD Posted August 23, 2007 Report Share Posted August 23, 2007 I too love rock and roll, but no way did I put another dime in the jukebox. baby. Joan Jett has more dimes than me. Selfish badass rocker chick. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bradm Posted August 23, 2007 Report Share Posted August 23, 2007 (edited) If anybody's talking to Stephen Stills, tell him that, despite me not being with the one I love, I really can't love the one I'm with, as I'm at the office right now, and that's against company policy.Aloha,Brad Edited August 23, 2007 by Guest Mr. Stills spells his first name with "ph" rather than "v." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
guigsy Posted August 23, 2007 Report Share Posted August 23, 2007 i only found 49 ways to leave my lover. paul simon really thought i had what it took, but he was wrong. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AD Posted August 23, 2007 Report Share Posted August 23, 2007 get a new gig, guigs. go smoke some pot, scott. no need to be sad, brad. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jonyak Posted August 23, 2007 Report Share Posted August 23, 2007 I didn't have a good time and I was there for way too long, trooper had to kick me out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kanada Kev Posted August 23, 2007 Report Share Posted August 23, 2007 No matter how many times Michael Jackson asked me to beat it ... i flat out said NO FUCKING WAY DUDE! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Booche Posted August 23, 2007 Report Share Posted August 23, 2007 I single-handedly dismantled the hippie movement after I went to San Francisco without wearing flowers in my hair. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
allison Posted August 23, 2007 Report Share Posted August 23, 2007 Sorry to interrupt the hilarity but this is my favorite John Moe piece( from Pop-Song Correspondances)CONCERNINGJON BON JOVI,WANTED DEAD OR ALIVE.- - - -Attention, all law enforcement in the region: I realize many of you have become cynical about the all-points bulletins issued for dangerous criminals. I'm sure you think they're essentially all the same and that only the names have changed. But I urge you to pay close attention in your pursuit of Mr. Jon Bon Jovi. He's wanted. Wanted dead or live. Who is Bon Jovi? Well, to begin with, he's a cowboy. Granted, it's fairly routine for cowboys to run afoul of the law, especially in the winter, when the work and money dry up and they've got time on their hands. Plenty of petty-theft and lewd-behavior calls. But that's not what we're up against. Bon Jovi is no regular cowboy. He rides a horse made of steel. A steel horse. I am not shitting you. And don't think this is some sort of comical clunky robot horse with whimsical hydraulic sound effects and extraneous flashing lights. This thing is exactly like a Thoroughbred, only much larger and made from an incredibly resilient alloy. Bullets can't even penetrate this horse, much less stop it. Bon Jovi is also armed with a loaded six-string that he carries on his back. Reports differ on whether he uses it as a sort of crossbow or whether it's actually a guitar that he plays with such shocking mastery as to render victims helpless. Regardless, take heed. There is other information I need to share with you about Bon Jovi. And no matter how callous you think you are to the attributes of criminals, you may want to brace yourself. Bon Jovi has almost superhuman abilities. Sure, sometimes he sleeps, but sometimes he can go for days without doing so. Days! To compensate for this interruption in his circadian rhythms, Bon Jovi has evidently crafted some sort of alcohol-based calendar, where he can actually tell the day by the bottle that he drinks. Additionally, he's been known to drive all night just to get back home (his house has an adjoining cybertronic-horse barn), so we're casting a pretty wide net. Also, according to intelligence we've gathered, sometimes when he's alone, all he does is think. That's not a criminal act, mind you, but good to know. So why are we looking for Bon Jovi? Why is he wanted, wanted dead or alive? A spree of face rocking. Estimates vary as to how many faces have been targeted—some say 800,000, some say 1.2 million—but it is accepted as a fact that he has rocked every single face he has seen. Every one of them. We're not even clear on a motive for this mass face rocking, although there are reports of Bon Jovi complaining of faces that "are so cold." Will he stop at a million faces? How many will be enough? We can't afford to find out. Now all this being said, if you should come in contact with Bon Jovi, do not look into his face. He will only rock it. And call for backup immediately. Bear in mind, the man has been everywhere, he stands tall, and he rides a steel horse. Good luck to you all. At this point, I have to be honest, we're living on a prayer. Sincerely,Sgt. H. Locklear Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
phishtaper Posted August 23, 2007 Report Share Posted August 23, 2007 No matter how many times Michael Jackson asked me to beat it ... i flat out said NO FUCKING WAY DUDE! not even for 100 BILLION Dollars? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AD Posted August 23, 2007 Report Share Posted August 23, 2007 it did feel good and i knew i shouldn't but i just couldn't do it. so sorry sloan. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
timouse Posted August 23, 2007 Report Share Posted August 23, 2007 much to the dismay of both The Band and Bob Dylan, I told Henry. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
guigsy Posted August 23, 2007 Report Share Posted August 23, 2007 i overcharge for my dirty deeds. ac/dc can be pissed all they want, this is a capitalist society. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AD Posted August 23, 2007 Report Share Posted August 23, 2007 Say, no I CAN'T see, so fuck off Francis Scott Key. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AD Posted August 23, 2007 Report Share Posted August 23, 2007 i overcharge for my dirty deeds. ac/dc can be pissed all they want, this is a capitalist society.and i bet your rock and roll is indeed noise pollution. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
guigsy Posted August 23, 2007 Report Share Posted August 23, 2007 you have no idea... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jaimoe Posted August 23, 2007 Report Share Posted August 23, 2007 I'm pretty sure that Kim Mitchell ain't no wild party. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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