Douglas Posted August 12, 2004 Report Share Posted August 12, 2004 The funeral (for my client who passed away on the weekend) is tomorrow at 11. I want to go, but I'm...well...sorta terrified. I'm not good at funerals (who is, right?) and I might feel sorta outta place. I know lots of people at work are going, but none of my actual co-workers. So I guess I'm just kinda nervous about sitting alone...or with clients...and crying. Even sniffling scares me. One thing I do know is that I'll regret it if I don't go...even (just - and I use that term lightly) to show my respects. I'm at a loss and don't know what to do tomorrow. Has anyone been in a situation like this before? Where they feel connected to that person, but uncomfortable (for lack of a better word) about making a decision. I figure what I'll do is bring the necessary attire and decide in the morning. But I've never gone to a funeral alone before, and I don't want to lean on other clients in fear of making the work-relationship toooooo personal. I just don't know. Any advice is sincerly appreciated. cheers. Lynn Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
doug Posted August 12, 2004 Report Share Posted August 12, 2004 Sounds to me like you gotta go. The discomfort/nervousness you feel will be a temporary thing, but the feelings of regret you could have for not going will probably last alot longer. My advice would be to try and find a seat somewhere near the back. Who knows- you may find someone else there experiencing similar thoughts/feelings as you do and your presence there could have a comforting effect on them. I know it seems hard, but I just get the feeling that you feel you need to be there and will really regret missing it.You have lots of friends who are thinking of you and sending lots of hugs and good vibes your way. Draw the strength you need from that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alexis Posted August 12, 2004 Report Share Posted August 12, 2004 Don't be afraid of being on your own. You came into this world alone, and that's the same way you'll leave it. Besides, it might be better for you to be alone with your thoughts, than have to listen to someone you barely know blabber on. Whatever you do, do what you feel is right, who cares if other people think it's usually wrong anyways. And make sure you let someone in the family know how you feel. When someone in your family dies, you rarely see them as an everyday person going through life having interactions with the cashier at the convenience store, or being really close with their insurance salesman. As family you don't get to see that side of your loved one, and it's nice to learn that their loved one was a nice generous caring person in all of their daily activities. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Velvet Posted August 12, 2004 Report Share Posted August 12, 2004 I think you should go. You don't know the family, so you're not obligated to hang with the seriously bereaved, and the other marginally bereaved people will recognise you as one of their own. I'm feeling inarticulate. I think you should go. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CyberHippie Posted August 12, 2004 Report Share Posted August 12, 2004 Sounds like you'd really like to go, but know it's going to be tough for you. That's ok to feel that way. And if you feel like you'd regret not going, then should listen to your heart. Another option maybe attend the visitation and skip the actual funeral? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jaimoe Posted August 12, 2004 Report Share Posted August 12, 2004 Go Lynn. Family and friends appreciate anyone who goes. I know I did with my dad. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sunshine Posted August 12, 2004 Report Share Posted August 12, 2004 You should go Lynn. The nervousness will pass, and you are one of the strongest people I know!!! It will touch the families hearts that you were there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bradm Posted August 12, 2004 Report Share Posted August 12, 2004 I wouldn't chastize you for not going, but I think you should go. Shared pain is lessened, shared joy increased. Aloha, Brad Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phred Posted August 12, 2004 Report Share Posted August 12, 2004 You need to go. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
guigsy Posted August 12, 2004 Report Share Posted August 12, 2004 go. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ggrtrhhrtgg Posted August 12, 2004 Report Share Posted August 12, 2004 I know in the past I have thought twice about doing things because I was reluctant for one reason or another, and I can tell you, I always regret not doing something out of fear, rather than regretting going. So I would have to agree with everyone else. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Low Roller Posted August 12, 2004 Report Share Posted August 12, 2004 You obviously feel compelled to go, so go. But hover near the back. Give yourself some distance. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PalacePrincess Posted August 12, 2004 Report Share Posted August 12, 2004 ohhhhh, i'm *SO* sorry to hear about this, douglas... having anyone you like pass away sucks no matter how well, or in what capacity you knew them... so big hugs to you. as for whether or not you should go.... if you already feel that not going is something you'll regret... i would suggest you go. as horrible as funerals are, they can really help with getting a sense of closure. if you are concerned about muddling that work/interpersonal relationship line, as someone suggested, sit near the back or away from your co-workers if it makes you feel more comfortable. and don't worry too much about grieving in front of anyone, it's likely most of the people there will be in the same boat, and no one is going to think anything of a few tears. as for going alone... i've been to a funeral by myself before, and i can tell you i certainly had some tension and anxiety about the prospect... it turned out that going alone was nowhere near as horrible as i feared, and in the end i was glad i had gone. i've also had to go to a funeral where work people (including clients) would be, and i shared some of the same stresses you're going through over it. that too was a lot easier than i had feared it would be... so try not to let the clients/co-workers being there factor stress you out too much... the bottom line is they're all people too, and no one is going to view you any differently for being upset at a funeral. go, pay your respects & leave when you need to... you don't even have to stick around for the reception. as jaimoe said, the family will be happy you were there at all. good luck, and sincere condolences for your loss. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Low Roller Posted August 12, 2004 Report Share Posted August 12, 2004 She's probably there right now. (((((Douglas et al)))))) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Douglas Posted August 12, 2004 Author Report Share Posted August 12, 2004 Thank you everyone. I went. I sat at the back on the opposite side of my clients. I shook. I cried. And when it was over, I ran away as fast as I could. But not without receiving a few hugs and tearful hellos. Now I'm at Barrett's and he's making me tea to sooth the jitters. Thanks again everyone. I knew in my heart that I would go, but I needed the gentle shoves/support to do it. With every deep breath that I took in that church, I thought of you guys. And I didn't feel like I stuck out like a sore thumb in there as I sat by myself. It felt ok. Keeping the love alive... Lynn Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
doug Posted August 12, 2004 Report Share Posted August 12, 2004 Glad to hear you went and that things weren't too bad for you. As time passes things will start to get better. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
c-towns Posted August 12, 2004 Report Share Posted August 12, 2004 d'you go to fleming doug? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
doug Posted August 13, 2004 Report Share Posted August 13, 2004 Nope I live up in Muskoka. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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