Patchoulia Posted July 15, 2005 Report Share Posted July 15, 2005 Grateful Dave's account of his "hands-down-the-pants" security check at the Big Summer Classic got me thinking that there has got to be a wealth of amusing/painful/embarrasing "entering a show" stories.1. I got totally felt up by the security guard at the TOO show in Albany in '02. It wasn't even subtle. Asshole.2. When we were going into Coventry, we witnessed, directly in front of us, a car (with a dude asleep at the wheel) roll into a staff member and pin her between vehicles. The blood-curdling scream she emitted still haunts me (well, not really, but it was horrible to see). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Basher Posted July 15, 2005 Report Share Posted July 15, 2005 Oh my god - this reminds me of going in to the Trey show at the Burlington Jazz Fest a few years back. I forget who it was (Freeker?) but the security person was intently feeling his cargo shorts pockets from the outside (there was a bag of shrooms inside) and asked him what was in his pocket. His response? "I don't know". "Okay" security said, and off he went. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Patchoulia Posted July 15, 2005 Author Report Share Posted July 15, 2005 His response? "I don't know". "Okay" security said, and off he went.bahaahahahhahahaha!Classic! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
phorbesie Posted July 15, 2005 Report Share Posted July 15, 2005 i can't think of any troubles i've had going into shows..a friend of mine always puts a few pairs of socks and underwear into his backpack pocket where the drugs are...then when they ask 'what's in here?' and go to open it he says 'dirty underwear and socks' and they never check! hehe works every time Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Patchoulia Posted July 15, 2005 Author Report Share Posted July 15, 2005 i can't think of any troubles i've had going into shows..a friend of mine always puts a few pairs of socks and underwear into his backpack pocket where the drugs are...then when they ask 'what's in here?' and go to open it he says 'dirty underwear and socks' and they never check! hehe works every timeThat is genius in its simplicity...I mean, he's not even lying, there ARE socks in there! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StoneMtn Posted July 15, 2005 Report Share Posted July 15, 2005 Of course, the person involved in this story could not have been me, as I obviously would never have had illegal substances on my person; given that I became a lawyer many years later, but this story happened to "someone" in 1989 on the way into a Jethro Tull show in Hamilton..."Empty your pockets".Concert-goer confidently does so, as he believes all illegal substances are cleverly hidden in the underwear.Security guard then reaches across and pulls a set of housekeys out from concert-goer's breast pocket. Stuck to one of those keys is a quarter oz. of an unknown black substance that concert-goer somehow forgot about."What's that?"Concert-goer (seeing through a haze and really not yet catching on) : "What are you talking about, those are my keys" and grabs them back.Security guard stares hard into concert-goer's face for about 10 seconds. "Okay, go on in."...After the show, concert-goer pulls his keys back out and notices the unknown substance. D'oh! Close one! (Nice security guard, too; in retrospect.) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Velvet Posted July 15, 2005 Report Share Posted July 15, 2005 Not a show entry story but I'm reminded of one of my first Canada Day's in Ottawa. Me and some friends are sitting at the War Memorial with a bag full of beers in the middle of the afternoon. I spy some cops walking around and dumping people's beer. Two of them walk over. "You have any beers in that bag?" I instantly and inexplicably reply, "Yeah, you wanna buy some?""No thanks, we're all set," and they walk away. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kaidy Mae Posted July 15, 2005 Report Share Posted July 15, 2005 I've snuck photo gear into a few Phish shows back in the day. I'd wear a long, flowy skirt and have different articles (film, lenses, etc.) duct taped to my legs. The key is to always have a decoy. I'd carry a purse with a tonne of little bits of stuff in it. By the time they spend a few minutes searching through your bag, they move on to the next person. Also a good idea to try to get in a search line where a member of the opposite sex is working. I've had male security simply tap me on the back and let me through. They don't need any hassles. However, some venues have made same sex searches mandatory. At Bonnaroo 2004 I had filled up my 2L Nalgene backpack before heading into Centeroo. It was hot as all fuck and I figured they had to let us bring H2O in. Not a chance. After arguing with this beotch security guard for about 5 minutes I look past her to my buddy already inside, ask if he can take my water, and pass it over. She just stared off into space. Weird. Also went to a Phil show in Saratoga years back and got so peaked out before the show that I actually went through security holding all of my contraband in my hands. Apparently I was in the midst of stashing it somewhere in my stuff and gapped out. LOL I guess there wasn't a problem. The night got progressively sloppier (as Lady w/a Fan can attest to). When you decide to slow things down by drinking moonshine in the lot at 2am with hillbilly strangers, it's time to get off tour. Still, until someone starts marketing a prosthetic pregnancy belly, I'll have to keep it sneaky. Think of what you could stash in there! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Basher Posted July 15, 2005 Report Share Posted July 15, 2005 Here's one of mine:I often suffer from bad allergies, and you can be sure I have Kllenex in my pockets. I was going into the Phix show at the Opera House and the security guy felt my pockets, and asked what was in there. I answered. "a bunch of Kleenex". He responded, "That's exactly what I am concerned about, and asked me to show it to him".Okay.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Basher Posted July 15, 2005 Report Share Posted July 15, 2005 When you decide to slow things down by drinking moonshine in the lot at 2am with hillbilly strangers, it's time to get off tour. Quote of the day - legit! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kaidy Mae Posted July 15, 2005 Report Share Posted July 15, 2005 "You have any beers in that bag?" I instantly and inexplicably reply, "Yeah, you wanna buy some?""No thanks, we're all set," and they walk away. Oh Velvet, I'm HOWLING at this one. Too funny. Man, I love Ottawa. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Del Posted July 15, 2005 Report Share Posted July 15, 2005 Still, until someone starts marketing a prosthetic pregnancy belly, I'll have to keep it sneaky. Think of what you could stash in there!That reminds me of the video for Jane's Addiction's "Been Caught Stealin", where the dude dresses up like a woman (complete with prosthetic pregnancy belly) and stuffs a bunch of groceries in it... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SmoothedShredder Posted July 15, 2005 Report Share Posted July 15, 2005 BSC the other day: She found my Tape Case with Doobies... looked at it... kinda sighed... gave it back to me and pushed me in line. Bonaroo, first night... they were checking EVERYONE! After a good 20 minute wait and a loud crowd I was next in line... just then about 5 people hopped over the fence and got in... The security guard was not impressed and quite a bit angry, and I was in his cross-hairs... he then patted me down and screamed in my face "I TOLD YOU FOUR TIMES TO EMPTY YOUR POCKETS"... acutal amount of times he said it to me, or even that I could overhear waiting in line: ZERO... so he checked everything... it took like 2 minutes... which is like a lifetime when you think your going to get beat down or arrested... found about a gram of my Spliff, and gave me an angry look, threw it out... said "IS THAT IT?!" and let me go... took me about 15 minutes... and a tire parade complete with torches to calm down. But it's all good. ~W Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kaidy Mae Posted July 15, 2005 Report Share Posted July 15, 2005 Totally where I stole the idea from. I need one of those suckers!!!I can just hear the security after a while... "Hey, wasn't that broad here like 80 times this year?""Yeah, she must ALWAYS be pregnant!"LOL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dave-O Posted July 15, 2005 Report Share Posted July 15, 2005 Three night Phish run at Hampton 2003... First night, someone in our entourage found the security guard with the bad back, who couldn't bend down to frisk you below the waist. So naturally second night, we filled empty water bottles full of vodka, stuck them in our socks and lined up behind our favourite security guard. All combined we must have snuck a 60 of vodka into the DRY venue that night.The most memorable part of the story of course, was when a parched FreekerByTheSpeaker reached for a drink of water and inadvertently downed half of bottle of straight vodka... thus coining the phrase "snooting yourself in the foot"! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AD Posted July 15, 2005 Report Share Posted July 15, 2005 Bonaroo, first night... they were checking EVERYONE! After a good 20 minute wait and a loud crowd I was next in line... just then about 5 people hopped over the fence and got in... The security guard was not impressed and quite a bit angry, and I was in his cross-hairs... he then patted me down and screamed in my face "I TOLD YOU FOUR TIMES TO EMPTY YOUR POCKETS"... acutal amount of times he said it to me, or even that I could overhear waiting in line: ZERO... so he checked everything... it took like 2 minutes... which is like a lifetime when you think your going to get beat down or arrested... found about a gram of my Spliff, and gave me an angry look, threw it out... said "IS THAT IT?!" and let me go... took me about 15 minutes... and a tire parade complete with torches to calm down. But it's all good. ~W And didn't he break your camera temporarily too? This security guy that William's talking about was meaner than a junk yard dog for sure. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SmoothedShredder Posted July 15, 2005 Report Share Posted July 15, 2005 Naw, that was the clutz the next day... dropped it in the sand... but gosh darn that little buggers still workin... Go Pentax!~WBut I do remember a supervisor working his way over... he knew that Security Gurad was losing his cool, and he was right there to step in... still I was expecting an apology, maybe that was too much to ask... but it felt very Guantanamo, if only for 2 minutes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rubberdinghy Posted July 15, 2005 Report Share Posted July 15, 2005 Barrymore's-New Deal-years ago...Rabidmonkey and I exit the venue for a smoke, stubs in hand, assuming re-entry permitted. This was recently after the non-smoking bylaw was put into place. So we walk in, flash our stubs and away we go. "not so fast guys" we stop and show our stubs..."where's your stamp" "Stamp?" I didn't get a stamp...so me and shaner argue with this stupid bouncer for 10 minutes not getting anywhere, he was saying that we got the stubs outside, blah, blah...so we basically stood there waiting, and waiting, and waiting, for someone to come vouch for us...which would have probably done zero good...music had started at this point and we are still waiting, and waiting...the bouncer finally gives up and says "oh yeah...when you guys came in buddy wasn't stamping hands yet" and let us in. Man was I pissed...Later that evening...I go up to the bar to order a beer...if you've heard the New Deal they are pretty loud, so I just pointed at the tap. Rude or not I just wanted a beer and didn't want to scream. So bartender buddy starts unscrewing the tap top thingy, and I start thinking this guy is trying to be funny, he hands me the thing, so I was going to grab it...he pulls it back and starts laughing...at this point, I was ready to take the damn thing and smack this guy in the head. Now it takes forever for moron to screw it back on to get my beer....HOLY FACK...that night still pisses me off to no end! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CyberHippie Posted July 15, 2005 Report Share Posted July 15, 2005 (edited) I was going into the Opera House one night and was wearing a button up shirt with a doobie in each pocket. I get this bitch at the door, and she goes straight for my shirt pockets (wtf?) she feels the first doobie and pulls it out and gives me this, you should know better, kinda look. She then goes to my other pocket and feels the same thing, she doesn't pull this one out though. She gives me this look, sighs, and says "you've got one in each pocket?? You can't bring that in there..." What could I do but laugh... So I turn around, put them into my shorts pocket, walk back in, and she doesn't even search me. Soon after, I'm going into the Pheonix for moe. Pull the old bait and switch. The dude at the went right through my bag, pulled out my 'tin'. He obviously knew what it was for. Opens it up, and much to his shock there was nothing in it, except for a few herb crumbs. He was literally dumbfounded because he thought he busted me for sure, he didn't know what to do, so he let me pass.... Doobies were in my shirt pocket. Edited July 15, 2005 by Guest Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
guigsy Posted July 15, 2005 Report Share Posted July 15, 2005 TOO, Boston, '02... after some strange encounters the night before and that afternoon, we found our shroom hook-up, and our hostel was close to the venue, so, we bring the person to our room, and we're chatting and buying drugs and whatnot, and im across the room, out of earshot when she starts whispering to my buddy and pulls out a tin of altoids.. hands him one, walks over to me and offers me one as well.. i look at my friend for confirmation, not saying a word to the girl, and he shrugs his shoulders, smiles and throws this altoid in his mouth - well, if he's in, i'm in. so i take one. we start walking to the venue and within 5 minutes we're both starting to feel a little strange... not your average altoid.. so i ask him what that was we ate, he looks at me and calmly says "oh, raw acid, apparently." - huh? according to her it was uncut, unprocessed acid, dusted on altoids? i dont know. whatever it was, it fucked us up. it's still a little early for showtime, so we go in this bar for a drink, get about halfway through, realize there's no way we can handle this claustrophibic situation, and decide to go to the venue early, get our seats and wait... by this time, things are getting weirder... we get to the front of the line where they take your tickets and my buddy says "holy fuck, we gotta go back... the shrooms are in my pocket!" - fack!! - so, ya figure, 10000 people going one way, and 2 idiots going the other, against the grain, flyin, and not really paying attention. we stop at the front gate, right in front of cops, and my friend pulls out the sweet sweet zoomers and goes to stuff 'em in his sock.. right in front of everyone.. well, it was only a couple seconds before the cops jumped the little gate and grabbed us... actually, grabbed him... told me to "wait over there".. so i did.. and watched beautifully coloured waves of people moving past me, likely drooling, and staring like a deadman... uhhh, a deadman with his eyes open, i guess.. anyways, i tuned out and was enjoying this when i heard some confrontation... my friend is yelling at the cops "YOU WANT 'EM? YOU WANT 'EM?? FINE, TAKE 'EM!!!!" and slaps all of our heady goodness into the cops hands... i thought that was it... going to jail in boston on acid... but we got lucky, and they threw us back in line and told us to "just get in there"... turns out it was probably a lucky break - that altoid was fucking ridiculous... took our seats in the VERY LAST ROW of the arena, put my head against the wall, and drifted away... i still have no recollection of the Tomorrow Never Knows > Lovelight.. i must have left this planet for a good 20 minutes, and came back right in the middle of Susan and Bobby trading vocals... the rest of the show, i remember quite well, however. i also had mushrooms taken off me in line at darien for the dead last summer... i have no luck with the dead and shrooms. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kaidy Mae Posted July 15, 2005 Report Share Posted July 15, 2005 LMFAO!!! Oh man Guigs, I remember that story. Those Altoids sounded like some scary shit. Was that after you met "Goat"? Hahahahahahaha! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Basher Posted July 15, 2005 Report Share Posted July 15, 2005 I got another Opera House one...Forget the show, but I had just recently removed the doobs from my ciggy pack and put them in my secret compartment in my Phish hat. Security girl takes the pack of smokes out of my pocket and smells them - obviously she smelled some leftover bud aura - and searched the pack of smokes for about 60 seconds. She was really perplexed. I loved it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
snarfmaster C Posted July 15, 2005 Report Share Posted July 15, 2005 me and cowboy were headed into the paramount theatre in portland oregon (?) we have a (beautiful!) little fuzz-ball pipecleaner lamb called lamby lambstress, and she would come to shows in my pocket or bag sometimes. she likes kickin' er down to some solid jams dontchaknow. anyhoo the security lady pulled her out of my pocket and asked me what 'it' was so i introduced her.. she kinda looked at me funny and told me to have a good time. i love oregon - that was probably one of the less freaky encounters she had all night Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StoneMtn Posted July 15, 2005 Report Share Posted July 15, 2005 My last experience at the Opera House a couple weeks ago at The Herbaliser:Bouncer pats my pocket: "Would you remove what is in this pocket and deposit it into that can over there?"Me:"Actually, I'd prefer not to." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nitro Compression Posted July 15, 2005 Report Share Posted July 15, 2005 At the Big summer Classic I took the advice of that clever Kaidy Mae. I used my god given bodaciousness to stash (on the left) a pipe (on the right)some green goodness and a few pre-rolled. Beers might be asking too much, they are all natural after all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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