The Wide World of Sports

[Hal Johnson]

Booche said it's slow around here, and he's right (sorry Schwa.) and I like attention. So here I am to regale you guys with my story of lightweighting it up last weekend. Hopefully you guys aren't above making jack asses of yourselves and will add in....

So Friday is spent camping with the friends and family. A beautiful night I might add. Beers and smokes and silly jokes, the song goes. Just perfect. The kids all go to bed, the Adults stay up till the wee hours of the morning. Saturday comes and by the afternoon Fista and I gather ourselves together enough to drive our little slugger home to stay with his grandma. We grab a sub and head back to the camp ground. It's about 4:00pm.

I buy a 15 pack of bud (not my choice of beer, but the number and price are perfect) to go with whatever is left over in my cooler. We get back to the campsite and, oh man, is it a great day outside. Schwa., of Angre Booche fame, even plays a little set on the git box while the crowd soaks up the late day sun.

At this point, Ive managed to down about 6 beers in about 45 minutes. No joke, at least that. So I have some rum and coke to mix things up a bit. Then back to the beers.

This is when Crack towns gives me an f'n cookie. I haven't had one of these things since I was 21. Im 29. Ive avoided them for years because I know what they do to me. But, shit, here I am 8 beers and a couple of rum and cokes in on a beautiful june day and I figure, WTF, right?

So I eat the fucking thing.

And I drink some more.

And some more.

And some more.

I have completely forgot about the cookie at this point, and now I feel INVINCIBLE. I keep trying my joke on anyone who will listen that cigarettes aren't the only things that hurt babies. Im not sure how well it goes over, but I laugh every time.

The sun hasn't even brokern the tree line yet it HITS ME LIKE A TON OF BIRCKS. I AM going to throw up. And I am going to throw up a lot.

So I make it back to my tent very quickly and efficiently. I proceed throw up a lot, as I knew I would. Only, it doesnt seem to ever stop. Why? i ask myself, why?? Oh ya, the fuckin pot cookie! Fuckin C-Towns!! I curse him a little more. Luckily, I have a pile of pillows and blankets in there and I situate myself in a way that keeps my head up. It doesn't really help though, and I keep spewing outside the tent anyway.

I wake up and I see the sun is going down. Awesome, I think, i feel better too. I'll just get up and go see everyone and act like I was dropping a deuce or something. I go to my cooler and see that there is no beer left in it . I go to my Van and Fista is there.

"Hey Babe, Is that the sun setting, or is it (no effing way?!?)just coming up?"

"It's coming up you dolt. F off, Im trying to sleep."

And that was my night. Passed out before the sun went down.

________________________

Let's hear em!

Edited June 19, 2009 by Guest

[Davey Boy 2.0]

::flips through rolodex of memory looking for something not-too-incriminating::

[Booche]

Nothing comes to mind off the bat but a shitload of Daveyboy ones are on the tip of my fingers.

I'll remember one of my own and add it. Thanks Hal. You are helping me get through this day. All my facking clients are away at a BBQ. I am the only one on my floor aside from a couple of nerds who figure they had work to do.

Management told me I had to stay behind if ONE person was here. Greeeeeeeeeeeat.

[Davey Boy 2.0]

GOT IT!

Me and Booche, down at a tavern in Portsmouth village in Kingston. Shooting pool, shootin the shite, boozin heavily. These guys ask if they can play, put some low stakes on the opening couple of games.

Long story short, it turns out they're sharks. I don't think they took too much money off of us but that's beside the point. They ask us if we wanna smoke something with them. We agree, go back to their place, flappin our gums and acting like the late-20's putzes that we are.

they warn us that it's really good shite and not to haul on it too much. we laugh and say "pfftt we've smoked it all, man– that Michoacan, Acapulco Gold, we even smoked that tied stick."

Them: "Tied stick?"

Us: "Yeah. You know, that stuff that's tied to a stick"

next thing you know, we're leaving their place (it was about a 10 minute walk to ours), i got ONE short block away only to realise that I'd left my jacket there. I go back to get it. Can't find the house. Takes me 20-30 minutes just to find the house then over an hour to get back home.

Meanwhile booche also gets lost (this was an area we knew really really well), somehow tears his brand new jeans to shreds and has to crawl part of the way home.

if only we had a camera crew following us that night...

Edited June 18, 2009 by Guest
ch&ch reference

[Booche]

Brand new jeans, first time worn.

I saw a cop car and got uber-paranoid. I was hiding in bushes and trees on people's front lawns. At some point I could no longer walk and couldnt believe how lost I was. "Am I in a different city?" At this point I blacked out.

Woke up the next day and was blown away by the state of my jeans. Huge hole in the right knee and covered in mud. Bestdopeever as far as the aftermath was concerned.

[Schwa.]

on my 22nd birthday i got kicked out of Jim Bob Rae's in London for dancing on the bar (w/o permission)

I ended up playing drums in a doorway with some homeless kids to help them make money to get the bus. Left them and tripped over the curb on my way back to my friends place and couldn't get up for the life of me. fell over numerous times and scraped the shyte out of myself...finally found the house and no one was there so i ended up curling up on the front sidewalk. not the sidewalk for the house but the one right out at the road. they found me an hour later. i felt shame.

[Davey Boy 2.0]

this thread title could be "Holy Smokes"

[Booche]

Yeah, this one always embarrasses me when I remember it but I dont know how well I can write it out.

So I am at the big ole dance club in Kingston, Stages. At this point in my life I am wook'dthefuckout so needless to say I didnt look like I belonged. I felt old in there and I was probably 24 and most likely there due to a Badam's B-day Bash. Those were legendary. Have you ever had yours advertised on the radio?

Cooked isnt a fair way to describe the shape I am in. I 'm full of pot and beer and shooters and more than likely stuff up my nose. As I head to the washroom I notice someone on my left seemingly mimiking my every move. "What the hell is that?" Uncanny.

He stops. I move my right arm. He moves his arm. Synchronized bar walking at it's finest. It's time to turn this amp up. I start flailing my arms like a monkey and so does he. HOLY SHIT! I jump up and down and so does he, perfectly in synch but a moment of clarity hits me after a solid 45 seconds of said behaviours.

I was standing in front of a mirror.

[Thorgnor]

I've got so many of these stories it isn't fair.

I'm a fucking joke when I'm messy.

...

Wasted in Jim Bob Ray's, having fun and goofing around watching a bachelor party dance like idiots... I decided to be funny and "thread the needle" by jumping one foot through the loop made by holding your other foot, only I fucked up, tripped myself, landed on my ankle and broke that fucker. Felt awfully cool trying to leave.

[Thorgnor]

Decided to have some Patron with my buddy at another friends birthday party. I like Patron, but I can't drink cheap tequila without throwing up, period, I've never succesfully downed a shot of shitty tequila and been alright. So we get stinky drunk, and it goes without saying that at all times I'm fully fueled by ganja, and then we head out to the Ceeps in London, nice patio, full of pretty girls, you'know. I drink about five or six and I'm having fun when the Bday dude brings over enough tequila shots to keep the Mexican army drunk for weeks. They all joked and poked fun at me and on the second or third round I gave in.

I downed the shot, looked over at my friend, waved goodbye and made a b-line for the door, stopped at the bar, threw up underneath it, made another b-line for the door, pushed some tank out my way who was being ushered in by the bouncer and as he hollers at me to "Watch the fuck out!" I turn to him, shrug my shoulders, turn to the side, throw up, look back at him and ask "What's that?", watch his eyes bug out, and then I took off and found an alley where I puked for a good twenty minutes. Found a tap in the alley and cleaned myself up and went back out to try and find my buddy, who was puking directly onto Richmond St... good times.

[Davey Boy 2.0]

MORE, PEOPLE!

PEI I'm looking atchoo (for starters)

[peipunk]

I (and I am sure my other "PEI" compadres as well) definitely have a story or 9 of being a bad drunk. However I would prefer to see this thread titled "Other Sports News" to deter onlookers who might decide to peek in after seeing the subject in the Forum Index.

Edited June 19, 2009 by Guest

[Thorgnor]

suck it up

[Hal Johnson]

However I would prefer to see this thread titled "Other Sports News" to deter onlookers who might decide to peek in after seeing the subject in the Forum Index.

Edited'd...F those guys!

[ollie]

Edited'd...F those guys!

You tell 'em Hal! We need more threads like this in Rich Stadium.

[dave-O]

Brand new jeans, first time worn.

Epic.

I have a very similar tale... I had just moved into a new place in the Queens ghetto (Collingwood St for the Kingstonians), first night out boozing and smoking heavily and I decided to walk home from Ontario St. I got lost, got tired and decided to take a "rest". I woke up on somebody's lawn about 2 blocks from home. No clothing destroyed, just a little pride.

[rubberdinghy]

I tend to forget stories....

NHL tourney at Booche's for cash. I was so obliterated I couldn't even see the TV. Still managed to finish the game...Jordan had to play the second period for me, without anyone noticing, and I returned for the third. I still don't think anyone knows this.

Beat Big Country, it was glorious. threw the controller on the ground shattered it into pieces. Proceeded to run around the room doing the "Degeneration X Suck It routine", barfed in Andre's bed and went home.

Ok...so the second part of that story didn't happen...but I should have done it.

[dave-O]

Proceeded to run around the room doing the "Degeneration X Suck It routine"

Please tell at least that part of the story happened.

[Booche]

Jordan had to play the second period for me, without anyone noticing, and I returned for the third. I still don't think anyone knows this.

Oh my lord, that is hilarious. I bet it was against me in the eliminiation round.

You passed out alright! Blame the PEI boys there rookie. MattyC had us drinking their moonshine.

[Hal Johnson]

...threw the controller on the ground shattered it into pieces. Proceeded to run around the room doing the "Degeneration X Suck It routine"

Bwahahahaha! Awesome.

[rubberdinghy]

Oh yeah...the fucking moonshine....

no...after the game, I stumbled up the stairs and passed out on the couch cold.

[Gateaux]

Got drunk at a Slip show in Montreal and traded my girlfriend for a bike.

Final year high school party got completely obliterated and was taking a piss in the corner of the backyard when a buddy came up behind me, i turned around didn't stop pissing and proceeded to fire right into his face. Fucking glorious.

[Booche]

There is more to that story Gateaux. Post it or I will.

[rubberdinghy]

You mean yer wife?

Drinking Triathlon

1. Pre-drinking at a Junior Hockey Game.

Ottawa 67's game, get wasted on snoots. Yell and scream at the top of our lungs, little children are a little frightened, chased the opposing team out the building, someone pissed on the front steps of the Civic Centre, may have hit Mr. Big Time. Berated member of opposing team because his name was Hendrick

2. High-Five Attack

The Poor House, The Spades on stage. Proceed to give everyone in bar high-fives. Lost. Some loser refused to give me one. His friends even gave him shit. Possibly met someone from NWT. Couldn't believe it. In the background, someones wife punches some dude in the face. Bradm taping.

3. Beer Stealage

Pour beers from pitchers laying around the bar. Oblivious to whether or not owners are watching. Apparently not. 2nd stage. Pour 3 pint glasses full of stolen beer. Proceed to put them in two outside, and one inside pockets of winter jacket, leave bar. Attempt to get into cab without spilling a drop. Successful. Arrive at THAT PLACE. Drink the beers. Successful.

Unfortunately, never made it to the finish line. Passed out in bed upstairs, barfed into box, housemates find surprise box next morning.

Rubberdinghy-DNF

Quote of the night.

I'm high on hockey and booze.

[Hal Johnson]

Proceed to put them in two outside, and one inside pockets of winter jacket, leave bar. Attempt to get into cab without spilling a drop. Successful.

I've done similar things at the Spur in Wtaerloo. Had strangers pass me 4 open beers over the fence so I can take them home with me. Another time we got kicked out and our friend Nat was so pissed off she managed to fit the entire pitcher we had left in her purse.