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Tiger Woods


Guest Low Roller

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Guest Low Roller

Less than an hour ago Tiger Woods delivered a press conference with about as much emotion as a quarterly stock report at a shareholders meeting. Which let's be honest, was entirely what it was. Here are some of the highlights:

- Elin Woods was not there proving her moral code stops somewhere between gold-digging and prop wife.

- But Tiger's mommy was there making me feel encouraged that my own mother will be at my press conference whenever somebody finds all the hookers I've been with. (Hint: Don't look in the landfill.)

- A bunch of cold, dead words read by an unfeeling robot programmed for golfing and fucking.

- Some deflection about the paparazzi following his daughter to school. Because Tiger Woods just became famous in November.

- Money and fame made Tiger feel entitled to an unlimited pussy buffet. As it should, commie.

- Elin never attacked Tiger. EVER. Now everyone nod their head in agreement. She's perched in the ceiling of the foyer like a ninja.

- A bunch of crap about being a role model to kids then saving them with his magic golf powers.

- Me realizing Tiger Woods somehow pulled off making Chris Brown's YouTube apology to Rihanna look sincere.

I'm sure I'm missing a few points, but this thing was like taking two Xanax then listening to your grandfather describe toast.

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  • 1 month later...

Personally, Im astounded at how quickly he's getting back at it. I assumed he would stay out of the spot light for a really long time (lord knows I would), especially after his text messages leaked where he asked the girl if he could pee on her (assuming they're legit, which I kinda half to/want to).

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Guest Low Roller

Apparently he banged his neighbour's 21 year old daughter as well.

This dude's autobiography will be more explicit than Motley Crue's at this point.

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