Del Posted June 1, 2004 Report Share Posted June 1, 2004 10 days off work (05-22 to 05-31), and I tried to make the best of it. Hearing about the loss of the Shaker was a horrible way to start, but I was at least able to do CTMF up properly. Other than That1Guy, the music was mostly forgettable, although far from bad. Took Victoria Day off to relax, and saw That1Guy again in Guelph. Wednesday it was off to Ottawa with the Young sisters for what was definately a weird night at Maverick's. GTB played well, and the afterparty at Freeker's house was good times as well. We headed back to Stapes' place for some sleep, but ended up leaving immediately for Montreal. Got our hotel, started doing it up, more people came, then, The Slip. Not going to go into too many details here, as it has been discussed quite a bit, but unbelievable is the only word I have left. Partied it up in Montreal (why am I ALWAYS the last one standing?) had some food, and rode to Hamilton with CannedBeats and FairySari. Saw That1Guy for the last time, crazy afterparty at Sarabelle's, then off to Ghost Town. After making a huge scene with instagator and J-Roc, it was home for some sleep and relaxation. There were definately some good times this past 10 days, but for the most part I was left with a feeling of loss and confusion. My eyes were opened to just how selfish, greedy, lonely and depressing the scene can be sometimes... I saw people at their best and at their worst, and in the end, it has made me rethink a lot of things. I'm not sure how many shows I'll be going out to in the future, definately not as many as before. I saw and heard things that bother me quite a bit, things that will take time to process, time to heal. I wish I didn't feel this way, I would have defended this scene to the bitter end, but after the past 10 days, I'm wondering if I'll ever defend it again. Truth be told, I feel so low about everything, I'm debating just disappearing. Go away somewhere else and never look back. We'll see, but my faith has definately been taken from me... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MamaPink Posted June 1, 2004 Report Share Posted June 1, 2004 Well - what goes up, must come down... and down.... and down.... Don't take anything too seriously right now Del-head... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
\/\/illy Posted June 1, 2004 Report Share Posted June 1, 2004 Wow, what the hell happened out there? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Esau Posted June 1, 2004 Report Share Posted June 1, 2004 I guess ya see some things the way I do now eh, Jay.Perhaps we could start a old bitter hippies support group for us. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tigger Posted June 1, 2004 Report Share Posted June 1, 2004 The pain let's me know that I'm alive. The cup is half full. Beat of your own drum. Don't look at the light,just don't look at the light. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bONES Posted June 1, 2004 Report Share Posted June 1, 2004 I guess ya see some things the way I do now eh, Jay.Perhaps we could start a old bitter hippies support group for us. i could use a support group like that! Del-Head...come party with us in Peterborough brother :: you are appreciated and a colourful part of this scene don't go away! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CyberHippie Posted June 1, 2004 Report Share Posted June 1, 2004 Shit man, sounds like some bad things must have gone down... Please share, maybe we can all help shed a little perspective on it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Del Posted June 1, 2004 Author Report Share Posted June 1, 2004 i would share, but i don't feel that singling out certain individual's behavior would accomplish much, other than biasing people towards those individuals... lets just say it was a major eye opener... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kung Posted June 1, 2004 Report Share Posted June 1, 2004 I can really relate to this sentiment: for the most part I was left with a feeling of loss and confusion. My eyes were opened to just how selfish, greedy, lonely and depressing the scene can be sometimes... I saw people at their best and at their worst, and in the end, it has made me rethink a lot of things. It's partly a 'what goes way up must go way down' phenomena. Also our scene has a double face to be certain, there is the surface 'it's all good/ it's all family' face and the deeper despairing face for lack of a better word. The reality of our existence is that we are like a wave on the ocean and I don't mean that in a romantic pretty sort of way, just a wave, a black speck on the ocean. The communal experience of ecstatic music and drug experiences can make us feel as if we are something more than this but it's a kind of self-hypnosis really. At some point you realize again that you're just a black speck on the ocean, mountains are again mountains and trees are again trees. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mark tonin Posted June 1, 2004 Report Share Posted June 1, 2004 Sometimes some rest and relaxation and time away can be a good thing. Try not to act too impulsively though, as overly impulsive actions can sometimes create more problems than they solve. At least that's my perspective given my experiences. Yes there are many reasons out there to feel down about things, both within the "jam community" and in the world at large. I don't like to put my head in the sand and ignore the negative and dark side of things, but I do purposely focus on the positive aspects of the community and the world and purposely surround myself with people that seem to have lots of "good" within them. I do it to keep myself sane and smiling. But man oh man sometimes it is difficult ... it doesn't take much poking around to find some unbelievably ugly and nasty situations ... think of the worst things that you can think of and they exist, which is scary. But lots of good exists as well, and all kinds of people that genuinely care and want to do the right things for solid reasons. Good luck with it all, Jay ... Peace, Mark Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Northern Wish Posted June 1, 2004 Report Share Posted June 1, 2004 Jay,Don't lose sight of the fact that there are tonnes of good people out here. Its way too easy to take some small thing and make a "worst behaviour ever" snap judgement.I can be the most heartfelt, honest, loving dude on earth- and other times I suck major ass . Its got nothing to do with the company, or the tunes- rather just how you feel sometimes. And also consider that by Monday/ Tuesday after an unhealthy bender, that the mind can play tricks because it is starving for some sera-mark-tonin.Don't like the smoke? Move to New Brunswick!Feel better,Seanps. You now have a challenge, because I have been known in certain circles to always be the last one standing, or cleaning up the kitchen at 11 am as people are getting up and I still can't close my eyes! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bONES Posted June 1, 2004 Report Share Posted June 1, 2004 The reality of our existence is that we are like a wave on the ocean very true! observe the waves Jay, and realize their impermanence. like our emotions, they rise and fall desire too much from this scene and our community and you'll set yourself up for suffering! i learn something about us and I, all the time from this board and you freaks. things may look different tomorrow... they sure do for me today :: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CyberHippie Posted June 1, 2004 Report Share Posted June 1, 2004 Ok, so I dunno maybe I'm overly sheltered or something, but I've never really seen or experienced this 'dark side' of the jam scene the is often illuded to. This sounds cheesey but for the most part, my experiences have always been sunshine daydreamy... So what's going on behind the scenes? What am I missing? Obviously I don't want to know names, and "he did this" and "she did that" kind stuff, becuase that's counter productive. But I would like to know what I don't know. Not that I want my sunshine daydream to come crashing down, but I'd like to have a realistic picture of the world I've become a part of. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Velvet Posted June 1, 2004 Report Share Posted June 1, 2004 What Mark Tonin said. And NW, I suspect that Jay would be standing wayyyy after you fell. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kung Posted June 1, 2004 Report Share Posted June 1, 2004 Are you kidding me? How about craven drug use, depression, anxiety, minor and major health problems, emergency situations where no one can or will help, peer pressure, mental/emotional/physical/self abuse, theft, paranoia, mistrust, friendship breakdown and just general usery. How anyone could be around this scene and not recognize any of those trends in their self or others is beyond me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Davey Boy 2.0 Posted June 1, 2004 Report Share Posted June 1, 2004 Yeah, just read anything written by HeadyEpic :: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CyberHippie Posted June 1, 2004 Report Share Posted June 1, 2004 Well I can honestly say none of those things have ever really entered my experience in this scene. I mean yeah there is lots of drug use, but I'd term it recreational as opposed to 'craven'. Maybe I've never actually become as involved in the scene as I had thought. I guess I'll go back up to my cloud 9... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kung Posted June 1, 2004 Report Share Posted June 1, 2004 Just for a couple of examples there's the guy who poisoned his friends (unintentionally) after the Cheese show with demerrol spiked beer. I read this one this morning as another example (there's thousands of these): One of my best friends is pre-med, to get his degree he's gotta be a paramedic and an EMT....in fact, 99% of all paramedics and EMTs you see are hacks without degrees, they're the scrubs of the medical world. You have every right to wince if you pull over and an ambulance whirls by because it might have a hungover college student driving it. So my buddy works the Phish concert in Las Vegas a few weeks/months ago. Hippy is in front row, nosebleeds. Gets into the music. Leans over the rail. Falls over the rail. There's luckily a cable nearby he grabs onto and while it helps slow his fall, it cuts his palms up profously and he has bloody hands. He falls 35 feet. EMTS/Paramedics say a 25-foot fall is dangerous. He lands on three other hippies and a seat or two. Breaks his fall. My buddy is called onto the scene, they rush him to stadium emergency room. His friend and "ride" show up but as it turns out, he's peaking on his shroom trip. So best friend, admitted to stadium ER, holds his hand in a chicken wing way over his eyes and begins to laugh uncontrollably yelling at the top of his lungs "you were lucky! you were lucky! AHHAHAHAHAHAH!" Every time his friends look up, EMTs are acting serious, making sure he's okay, tripping friend out, "YOU WERE LUCKY AHAHAHAHAHHA!" Friend is actually in good shape. Just contusions on the palms, no broken bones at all, he's okay. Family and girlfriend show up outside. Hippy friend with girlfriend is admitted, but girlfriend is forced to stay outside. She gets panicky and her mascara bleeds out her eyes. My friend lets her in b/c it's no big deal, she's freaking out and hippy dude is healthy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shainhouse Posted June 1, 2004 Report Share Posted June 1, 2004 I think I've seen the absolute best and the absolute worst of this scene at times, and all I have to say is to never take anything personally. We're all here for the same reason. Keep that in mind and just enjoy what's important. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boogieknight Posted June 1, 2004 Report Share Posted June 1, 2004 It was the best of times.....It was the worst of times.... For me, I just try to BE the best of times, after that the rest is just life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dark_starr Posted June 1, 2004 Report Share Posted June 1, 2004 "If you get confused, just listen to the music play..." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Im going home Donny Posted June 1, 2004 Report Share Posted June 1, 2004 Dude...I was commenting that you seemed a bit softer 'round the edges than previous impressions I had had of you.....guess you were feelin' a bit wounded.....chin up...the folks in this community are mostly good... bullshit will raise it's head anywhere you go...it comes, it goes..enjoy the folks you can and enjoy the tunes you love. ::sleep and healthy food may work too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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