Voted Off The Island (Kung Ejected From Hillside)

[zero]

Okay you can all have your laughs because this may be my finest (lowest/highest) moment ever. Basically I was at Hillside on a media pass and had been pretty involved in following the artists before hand. Basically it was an insane weekend of music (insane). I mean Sadies and the Constantines as the Unholy Alliance playing everything from what I think was Astronomy Domine to Everybody Knows This Is Nowhere. So much to mention, this Austrian dub band Dubblestandart, this killer gypsy groove band Lubo Alexandrov and Kaba Horo, Amy Millan, Jason Collette, Sarah Harmer, Final Fantasy and Holy Fuck!!

Seriously I had no idea how rhythmic and dance oriented Holy Fuck are they definitely put the New Deal and most everything else in our genre to shame. It is disgustingly danceable, good and artistic. Didn't get to see Cadence Weapon (who I was fast friends with and saw most of Saturday's shows with), Constantines or Feist which was a real bummer.

BECAUSE...

A security guard was alerted that someone had seen my (or I guess it was Kuipers at one point) imitation flintlock revolver which I recall now similarly antagonizing CTMF once with and didn't he get burned by security for it in hindsight? They swooped in swiftly, ultimately decided to strip my media pass, held me for an hour (wouldn't let me stand up to relieve a severe anxiety attack or move my dunce chair into the shade) until the OPP arrived, got shook down pretty hard and the officers even read my notes on the festival and mocked me about things I'd written (I'm on mushrooms while this is happening). Like in a dullard voice- this was positively surreal- one buzz cut OPP goes "this is pretty funny 'authenticity vs. phoniness' wouldn't you say?" To which the answer Mister Officer, also on shrooms, is what? I mean you can't get lippy. But the weirder part is it was notes on an article I'm writing on journalistic hoaxes (Stephen Glass, Jayson Blair) and novelistic hoaxes (James Frey, JT LeRoy) it somewhat relates to Dave Eggers You Shall Know Our Velocity! and his notion of memoir vs. fiction vs. non-fiction. So you know I'm dying to say "Do you have an education beyond high school that equips you to discuss developments in post modern literature? Did you follow that whole thing with Frey's Million Little Pieces and Oprah wranging him out? Do you think Doubleday was responsible as a publisher? Do you watch Oprah?"

They ultimately found a bit of shit threw it out and drove me to the Guelph Lake Conservation Area gates. The guy that picked me up hitchiking told me they 'voted me off the Island' (title) and that it all ended like an episode of the Incredible Hulk where Lou Ferigno turns back into Bill Baxby at the side of some country road in shredded clothes putting out his thumb.

[Kanada Kev]

Sorry to hear about your shakedown. Gotta be a bummer. Sounds like you were still able to pack in a ton of good times beforehand though. It's a great story nonetheless. I can just picture those cops too and the predicament you were in not being able to talk back ... and being enlightened on the funghi at the same time

I can just picture the scene at the side of the road with the closing theme music to the Hulk playing with a thumb out.

Later . . .

Kanada Kev =8)

[Booche]

Note to self:

Be glad you didnt get nailed for/with the shit.

Oh, and dont carry an imitation flintlock revolver.

[Schwa.]

stop wearing guns to parties. glad to hear the music was good. Missed Holy Fuck!!! at Sore-Luck Music Fest out east but everyone there was hypin' them huge.

[AD]

Seriously I had no idea how rhythmic and dance oriented Holy Fuck are they definitely put the New Deal and most everything else in our genre to shame. It is disgustingly danceable, good and artistic.

I saw you dancing like crazy beside the stage for that show, it was quite the throwdown. Sucks about getting thrown out though.

The Holy Fuck made one huge mistake in their set though: They never should have come back out for an encore. It was so anticlimatic after the last song of their set. Amazing show though.

AD

[Weirdness]

...funny, we were wondering where the Lukester was...

Also, I think that the intensity in your brain was intensifying how awesome all the sets that you mentioned were. Granted, there were some highlights but I wouldn't say that anything was really mind blowing from my vantage point. Can't wait to read the writeup in the Echo...

[Baj]

Edited August 1, 2006 by Guest

[lara]

Note to self:

If you need a good story, get arrested.

Who were you writing for? They'll love it.

Hilarious Gave Dave and I a good laugh!

[Tenenbaum]

before you proceed any further on your article about literary fakes, you MUST watch Orson Well's documentary masterpiece,

"F for Fake"

http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/f_for_fake/

Queen Video has it.

[kc]

I saw Holy Fuck at the jazz fest in Montreal last year.

Boohoohahhaaha!

[zero]

I think they've really improved likely since you saw them last kc. They were quite quite good.

Seriously though back to this Hillside thing I really do feel like a dullard but it was such a harmless situation that could have been handled with a warning. They needed to shut me down one way or another and this was the method. Still in that totally reckless permissive environment it seemed more than a bit hypocritical.

[MarcO]

You felt the cops were conspiring to "shut you down"?

[Gateaux]

I don't understand why you had a fake gun there?

[guelphstudent]

im not at all sorry you got kicked out, sybil. you are seriously bad karma and you were ruining it for anyone around you . my friends and I see you at shows in guelph and toronto all the time. you are disrespectful to the artists and the audience. you are concerned only with making sure people notice you. well, you got noticed. you could have been kicked out for a whole slew of other reasons, like butting in line for beer or food, pissing in the woods, throwing a frisbee inside the tents while performances were going on, or intentionally hitting people while you were "dancing" with your gross man-boobs jiggling.

when you act like an a$$hole, you should expect to be treated like one. that’s how a “society†works, sybil. you were carrying a weapon, for chrisake. people couldn't stand to be near you - that was clearer than your immense body odour (please, take a shower once a week at least, and familiarize yourself with the deodorant aisle). you are a fool (and no-one here would contest that, as much as they pretend to tolerate you). the event was MUCH nicer that you were gone on sunday. karma was balanced.

and for what its worth, my brother-in-law is a cop out west and you must have at least a bachelors degree, many have masters degrees, so don’t think you are all high and mighty because you have a degree, sybil. police officers contribute more to society every shift than you do in a whole year. and honestly, im shocked and really disappointed that people here are supporting you in this. you were wrong. you were not a victim.

as far as the festival goes, it was GREAT. feist was the highlight as was sarah borges. hillside always seems to get grrrrreat female singer-songwriters and I really love that. the temperature was really hot, and our tent in the open-sun volunteer area was stifling – over 40 degrees. I must have drank 40 bottles of water. always a great time. THANKS Hillside!!

[zero]

MarcO - know the Hillside Board members, coordinators, security- like this cap gun is the pretext and then the situation evolves and they say to one another 'look this guy's been partying pretty hard all weekend, he looks a bit ragged, now this, let's shut him down before it's something else'. Really that is what happened I'm sure of it or something quite like it. It's just because I know some of the board members (or their type) and coordinators and heard snippets of their conversation. It was more the looks on their faces like the way a vice principal's secretary looks at you when you've been called out of class (even though years later it occurs to you that this same secretary is one of those office ladies T.S. Eliot wrote about in the Waste Land leading lives of quiet desperation having traded in measuring their lives with coffee cups for mini Oreos.)

Gateaux I can only say I didn't have a gun I had an imitation flintlock revolver. This thing was so Pirates of the Caribbean looking, I just threw a bunch of Indian plastic figurines in my bag before I left (Ian Blurton at one point made a very nice Indians vs. Dinosaurs diorama at one point) and this ancient looking thing. Just never never thought of it as something dangerous or an issue, like 'hey I'm gonna go to Hillside and start a gun scare'. I also had a cowboy hat on so the wood handle stuck in the front of the pants obviously went with the cowboy costume. I ran into some old hippies at the Albion as the rest of Sunday's show went on and the guy said (a real hep old dude) 'you probably deserved it' but also that 'we used to run around at the old folk festivals and play cops and robbers and that' he just thought it was sheer paranoia and hysteria these days. I just would never have put together post-911 heightened tension and this Pirates of the Caribbean looking thing.

[zero]

I was writing my last response as our new guelphstudent friend wrote hers. I just don't want it to look like I was responding to her. Interestingly her account and mine sync up in a way. I really was in a bad way and I guess I didn't have much insight into my condition. I don't think you'll find people around here support me unequivocally more often the opposite.

That said our little tofu nuzzler. Step the fuck back. Yes, I do instantly polarize people into groups that detest and those that admire me. But it's a big tribe and it takes a lot of chieftains and we can't all doodle unicorns in our hemp notebooks. I think you're probably right that karma was balanced. I feel that. I also think that there is no good and bad karma- karma is like bouncing a ball against a wall. I whipped my ball against the wall and it whipped back. One thing is for sure the coverage I will get of this event will be superior to most anything else that comes out. I mean Ben Rayner's bit in the Star was nice yesterday but just so grazes the surface. People think I'm just going gonzo but actually it's a bit of Hunter S. and a bit of Clifford Geertz the anthropologist who believes that cultural experience is essentially semantic or derived from words and that in our anthropological writing what improves is the 'quality with which we vex each other'.

Do I need to dance myself into a shamanic frenzy to get to this place? Well actually I believe I do. You're right about the frisbee but that was pretty fucking harmless now don't you think. Body odour, this weekend, take a queu. Bumping into people, excuse moi.

The question of respect for the artists and audience is really sensitive and I appreciate your bringing it up. Again it's the polarizing effect. I can tell you artists like Holy Fuck, Cadence Weapon, Dubblestandart, Lubo Alexandrov, C'mon, Sadies and a whole host of others in the woodwork truly appreciated my company and insights. I just will not let you take that away from me. I'm sure I was offputting to many people but you know what I saw so many faces looking at me with a slight smirk that spoke of laughing with rather than at. Many people came up to me and thanked me for dancing and how it was inspiring for them. I did not know these people and did not solicit there praise.

It takes a Village, People.

[guelphstudent]

charles manson could "explain" his actions too, sybil. didnt make it right. you are incapable of understanding how your actions negatively affects others. you are sociopathic and dangerous.

people came up and said you were "inspiring"????!??! LMBFDAO. (that's Laughing My Big Fat Dyke Ass Off, sybil)

and yes, I do realize that somehow you will twist the manson reference into a compliment, believe me, it's not.

[rubberdinghy]

sweet...it's been a while since the skank has had something like this...I've been getting bored.

[Deeps]

we can't all doodle unicorns in our hemp notebooks. I think you're probably right that karma was balanced.

Thank you for this.

People at hillside are a little schmarmy sometimes. Impossible to get motivated enough to holler when they here something they like, and so focussed on peaceful experiences that they stop being objective. Good on on ya GuelphStudent for enjoying these amazing civil female artists I liked them too.

BUT

I'll take C'Mon though with their crowd diving, spitting, and opening of their set by telling anyone who didn't want to get swept up in the set to hit the Falafel tent.

Rock the fuck on Zero. Nice to see you there.

Deeps

[zero]

Okay this is just getting weird. Charles Manson also solicited people to hatchet strangers and smear their blood over the walls. By your account I was offputting, inconsiderate, bumbling and smelly. Wouldn't it be better to compare me to Mickey Rourke's characterization in Barfly. 'All My Fraaaaaands'.

You're onto something though. I am dangerous. But it's not my imitation flintlock revolver or flailing limbs.

[ollie]

Hey guelphstudent, fuck off with your sybil bullshit.

[Deeps]

Okay this is just getting weird. Charles Manson also solicited people to hatchet strangers and smear their blood over the walls. By your account I was offputting, inconsiderate, bumbling and smelly. Wouldn't it be better to compare me to Mickey Rourke's characterization in Barfly. 'All My Fraaaaaands'.

You're onto something though. I am dangerous. But it's not my imitation flintlock revolver or flailing limbs.

Is it your rapier wit? Is it your intrusive hat? Is it your dance moves?

Tell us....tell us.

Deeps

[guelphstudent]

Hey guelphstudent, fck off with your sybil bullshit.

truth hurts?

[StoneMtn]

GuelphStudent:

Don't be of the misapprehension that people on this board support behaviour such as that described here. I certainly don't.

It is inappropriate to bring a fake gun to any event, anywhere. It also sounds like Zero behaved completely inappropriately, by his own account.

[ollie]

Hey guelphstudent' date=' fck off with your sybil bullshit.[/quote']

truth hurts?

No, I think your slur is offensive to more than just Luke.