Pickup lines

[Velvet]

Okay, post here the funniest/best pickup lines you ever actually used or actually had used on you.

My favourite lines:

-Did I mention I'm CIA ninja? (used on a stripper in Golden, BC)

-Excuse me, I have a gun, will you help me rob this place? (used in a dance bar in Whistler)

-Me? I'm a midwife. (first used on two girls at Auberge du Rapide, Quebec)

Funniest line ever used on me:

Leave me alone you fu©king creep.

Ha! Funny line, but after that I didn't give her the time of day!

[bradm]

Can I post the pickup line I want used on me?

The scene: a bar, maybe Dekcuf, maybe Mavericks, maybe Babylon (maybe the ElMo )...a good band is playing, people are getting down, it's a good night.

I'm hovering over the taping rig, making sure I'm getting everything properly, and a moderately tall, reasonably slender, several-years-out-of-university-aged woman comes up and asks, "You're a taper? Wow, that's so sexy! Are you thirsty? Let me buy you a drink!"

Aloha,

Brad

[Tickler]

"With a body like that, I'd never have to look at your face!"

[Velvet]

No Bradm, you may not.

[MamaPink]

In highschool this guy once said to me "Excuse me, but do you have an extra quarter? I'm suppose to call my mom the first time I fall in love"

oh, and this gay guy once said to me, "Did that hurt?" and I said, "what?" And he said, "Falling straight down from heaven, darlin'!" - i don't think he was trying to pick me up, but i thought i'd post that incase you're all looking for some new lines.

[MamaPink]

Palace Princess had this dude use a really funny pick up line on her at Phil's one night. What did he say again? Something about nice hams shoved down the backside of your pants??

[Super Freak]

Hey, are you naked under those clothes?

[Ms.Huxtable]

The best line ever used on me was by Bouche. It was when I first opened the door on our first date.

I open the door all nervous and there he is standing there with a big shopping bag extended towards me. "This is for you!" he said.

At the time he lived in Smiths Falls near the Hershy factory. The bag was FILLED with chocolate.

Oh yeah. That worked.

[Spudly]

Here goes......

1. I wish you were a door so I could slam you all day.

2. Nice legs...what time do they open?

3. Do you work for UPS? I thought I saw you checking out my package.

4. You've got 206 bones in your body, want one more?

5. Can I buy you a drink or do you just want the money?

6. I may not be the best looking guy in here, but I'm the only one talking to you.

7. I'm a bird watcher and I'm looking for a Big Breasted Bed Thrasher. Have you seen one?

8. I'm fighting the urge to make you the happiest woman on earth tonight.

9. Wanna play army? I'll lay down and you can blow the hell outta me.

10. I wish you were a Pony Carousel , so I could ride you all day long for a quarter.

11. Oh, I'm sorry, I thought that was a braille name tag.

12. I'd really like to see how you look when I'm naked.

13. Is that a ladder in your stockings or the stairway to heaven?

14. You might not be the best looking girl here, but beauty is only a light switch away.

15. Are those real?

16. You must be the limp doctor because I've got a stiffy.

17. I'd walk a million miles for one of your smiles, and even farther for that thing you do with your tongue.

18. If it's true that we are what we eat, then I could be you by morning.

19. (Look down at your crotch) Well It's not just going to suck itself.

20. You know, if I were you, I'd have sex with me.

21. You. Me. Whipped cream. Handcuffs. Any questions?

22. F@# me if I'm wrong, but is your name Helga Titsbottom?

23. Those clothes would look great in a crumpled heap on my bedroom floor.

24. My name is (name)...remember that, you'll be screaming it later.

25. Do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk by again?

26. Hi, I'm Mr. Right. Someone said you were looking for me.

27. My friend wants to know if YOU think I'M cute.

28. Hi. The voices in my head told me to come over and talk to you.

29. My name isn't Elmo, but you can tickle me anytime you want to.

30. I know milk does a body good, but DAMN, how much have you been drinking?

31. If you were the last woman and I was the last man on earth, I bet we could do it in

public.

32. Wanna come over for some pizza and sex? No? Why? Don't you like pizza?

33. Baby, I'm an American Express lover...you shouldn't go home without me.

34. Do you sleep on your stomach? Can I???

35. Do you wash your pants in Windex? Because I can see myself in them.

36. I lost my puppy. Can you help me find him? I think he went into this cheap motel room.

37. (Lick finger and wipe on her shirt) Let's get you out of these wet clothes.

[SevenSeasJim]

Have a look at this!

[PalacePrincess]

ahahahahaha, i totally forgot about that one, pink! yeah, it was something to that effect. heehee. what a weirdo.

another memorable one -- me, sixteen, at a bar (ooh, how illegal!). wearing a silver ring on my "wedding finger". a silver ring that looked absolutely nothing like a wedding ring at all. (and by the way, considering i look about 16 now, i probably looked about 12 then, so i was definitely not a convincing 19, i think the doorman just wanted girlies in the bar)

anyway. i'm standing at the bar, waiting for my drink. guy who is maybe about 50, long scraggly hair, your basic nasty old alcoholic gross guy type slides up to me.

guy (pointing at my ring): "so... does that mean you're married?"

me (inching away): "yes"

guy: "that's too bad.."

i inch away a bit further

he then leans in really close, puts his hand on my arm & slurs into my ear "well honey, you can sleep in my pyjamas anytime you want"

*shudder*

[Paan]

"That dress is very becoming on you... of course if I were on you, I'd be cumming too."

[Paan]

"Hey, a little less chit-chat and a little more sucky-suck"

[Thorgnor]

Nice shoes... lets fu©k.

[Velvet]

I'm getting a feeling that most of these lines have never actually been used.

[Guest Low Roller]

I said "Hi. I'm Andrew."

She said "I know."

Still dating her a year later.

[bokonon]

"hi, i'm a drummer over thirty" usually works on me.

[Velvet]

Hi, i'm a drummer over thirty.

[dimafleck: the living legend.]

AIGHT....this is the best one...

you pick up a sugar packet off the floor and say "Scuze me miss, but i think your dropped your name tag"

[paisley]

"I've been drunk since 2 days ago, you're a beautiful dancer... any chance you could buy me a drink?"

worked... think she thought I was Charles Bukowski

[Jared]

is $50 bucks enough?

[bokonon]

Hi, i'm a drummer over thirty.

oh sh!t, now i'm in trouble! ::

edit to add: you got to have long hair too. it's just my pattern, i don't know why!

[Alexis]

it's so weird, cause the day before this thread, my assistant at work gave me a print out of this which i thought was hilarious.

ok, so i came over here to ask you to dance, but i'm kind of concerned. i mean, we could hit it off really well, end up having a few drinks, next thing you know you're giving me your number because i'm too shy to ask for it, i finally get up the nerve to call and we take in a movie, have some dinner, i relax, you relax, we go out a few more times, get to know each other's friends, spend a lot of time together, then finally get past the sexual tension and really develop this intense sex life that is truly incredable, decide our relationship is solid and stable, so we move in together for

awhile, then a few months later get married, i get a promotion, you get a promotion, we buy a bigger house. you really want kids, but i really want freedom, but we have a kid anyway, only to find that i am resentful, the sparks start to fade and to rekindle them we have two more lovely kids, but now i have to work too much to keep up with the bills, have no time for you, you're stressed and stop taking really good care of yourself, so to get past our slow sex life and my declining self-confidence i turn to an outside affair for sexual gratification. you find out because i'm careless and a lousy liar, you throw me out (justifiably so) and we have to explain to the kids why mommy and daddy are splitting up. that's just too sad. think about the children. for god's sake, if you dance with me and we hit it off, let's just keep it sexual, because we both know where it's going

[Velvet]

Worry not, as I am hairless.

[Del]

I remember seeing a list of pick up lines somewhere, I thought the funniest one was "You'll do...".