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Y'know what would be a lousy job?


Velvet
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Imagine showing up for work in a really pissy mood, traffic was bad, your dog shit in your shoes and some dude spills his coffee on your pants just as you are getting on the elevator. And he doesn't say a word, just looks at you and gives a little smirk as the elevator doors close.

You meet your first client. Her math teacher has been eaten by a bear and you've been sent to counsel the grieving students. Now, you've been at this for years, you've seen it all - plane crashes, workplace shootings, crazed freak accidents that always seem to take the young and the newly wed. And this girl in front of you is bawling her eyes out and snotting and drooling and you can't even reach into your briefcase for the muffin you brought with you. And you're starving.

Then she sneezes. All over you. There are Kleenex boxes everywhere (yes, you've been at this a while), and she sneezes right into your gawd-dam face. This puffy-eyed know-nothing shitheaded fifteen year old is probably just playing it up to get out of class and for a shot at being the crying three-second sound byte on tonight's news, and you just can't take it anymore.

"Jesus Christ you fucking moron!" you scream, jumping up like you've been doused in hot oil, "Shut up your lying fucking cryhole and get the fuck to class you trailer-trash bitch!"

In the unsuing silence, only her wristwatch points out that time has not actually stopped, as the tick-tick-tick that had gone unnoticed before takes on a heavier significance. One thing is sure, you've stopped the girl from crying, though her "cryhole" as you so elegantly put it is anything but shut. Though she seems to completely forgotten about her math teacher.

Not necessarily a job well done, but a job undeniably done nonetheless.

"How was your day at work Honey?"

Boy, do you hate it when she asks you that sometimes.

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Imagine showing up for work in a really pissy mood, traffic was bad, you dog shit in your shoes and some dude spills his coffee on your pants just as you are getting on the elevator. And he doesn't say a word, just looks at you and gives a little smirk as the elevator doors close.

You meet your first client. Her math teacher has been eaten by a bear and you've been sent to counsel the grieving students. Now, you've been at this for years, you've seen it all - plane crashes, workplace shootings, crazed freak accidents that always seem to take the young and the newly wed. And this girl in front of you is bawling her eyes out and snotting and drooling and you can't even reach into your briefcase for the muffin you brought with you. And your starving.

Then she sneezes. All over you. There are Kleenex boxes everywhere (yes, you've been at this a while), and she sneezes right into your gawd-dam face. This puffy-eyed know-nothing shitheaded fifteen year old is probably just playing it up to get out of class and maybe to be the crying three-second sound byte on tonight's news, and you just can't take it anymore.

"Jesus Christ you fucking moron!" you scream, jumping up like you've been doused in hot oil, "Shut up your lying fucking cryhole and get the fuck to class you trailer-trash bitch!"

In the unsuing silence, only her wristwatch points out that time has not actually stopped, as the tick-tick-tick that had gone unnoticed before takes on a heavier significance. One thing is sure, you've stopped the girl from crying, though her "cryhole" as you so elegantly put it is anything but shut. Hell, she seems to completely forgotten about her math teacher.

Not necessarily a job well done, but a job undeniably done nonetheless.

"How was your day at work Honey?"

Boy, do you hate it when she asks you that sometimes.

Always the most talented writer on this board. Well done sir.

except p.s. "you're starving"

Edited by Guest
gramma
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I knew a guy who worked behind the desk where you go to complain your luggage was lost by Air Canada. He once told me:

"Unless you're just lost and I can direct you somewhere else, you're definitely in a pretty bad mood if you're coming to see me."

He was a surprisingly upbeat guy, actually, although he did say he has the worst job ever.

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