So, on a serious note... Anyone else adopted?

[CyberHippie]

Over the years and countless hours I've spent on this site, I've been involved in many conversations: humours, enlightening, inane, emotional, serious, silly etc... Being part of an online community is a very strange social circumstance... So anyway something very personal and serious...

I was adopted when I was just a wee baby... And last night the strangest thing happened... I recieved an email from my birth mother. It's the type of thing that you always kinda dream about but never really expect and are totally unprepared for when it actually happens... She wants to meet me, and I think this will help solve some puzzles I've always had in my search for the meaning of it all...

Has anyone else had experience with this sort of thing?

[MarcO]

holy shit Trev, I had forgotten you were adopted!

no I have no experience with this but you did just blow my mind.

[secondtube]

oh wow...

i wouldn't know what to say....except that i "think" i would want to meet her...

wow.

[M]

big news trev! very exciting! i hope everything works out awesomely for you in this life adventure...

Mary

[thatpatguy]

I was adopted as well.. and like you, as a wee baby..

I've never felt the need to find my birth parents though. I mean really, other than the people who provided my DNA, who are they to me? My parents are the ones who raised me, who cared for me, who provided me with love, support and a safe and nuturing environment to grow into the person I am today.

I have to say I'm grateful to my birth parents for having the strength to realize that they probably couldn't provide the environment for me that they felt I deserved. For that I am thankful to them. Other than that though they are really nothing to me.

I suppose if one of them contacte me and wanted to meet up I'd do it for the sake of curiousity, but I have no need to have a relationship with them.

So CyberHippie, where you parents always open and honest about you being adopted? For me that was always my reality, as far back as my memory goes. As far as I remember there was never a "Well Pat, we need to have a talk" kinda things. In fact, we even celebrated what we called "adoption day" as kinda like a birthday celebration. A day to celebrate me joining the family. We did it both for me and my sister (who is also adopted).

[Cully]

I am adopted as well...

When I was 16 my parents sat me down (I thought that I was in trouble) They proceeded to tell me that the Toronto Star had published a section on missing persons, and they had a section on birth-mothers looking for their adopted children. My parents showed me one of the sections...it read Mike G. Vance, I have been looking for you since the day I gave you up for adoption....Mike G. Vance was me!!!

My parents were always very open about this, and I really had no interest in meeting my birth mother. My parents did ask me if they could contact her (so she could know that I was safe) and I said yes.

When they called her my birth mother asked if she could write me a letter, and I said yes. She sent me a very nice note, with several pictures of her...it was one of the craziest days of my life!!! To this day I have never met her, but she is only a phone call away!

Edited February 22, 2006 by Guest

[Im going home Donny]

holy crap...you people are beautifull at times.

wow!

cyber best of everything in meeting your mom.

Life sure is a trip mystereous.

[livingstoned]

WOW!

I was adoped as well and can't imagine that feeling. I can't even remember if I went through the motions of signing up for 'non-identifiying' information. I get minor spurts where I begin to do a little research then I stop.

From what I understand - if she contacted you that means you put your name in that matching system whereby if both of you are interested then contact information is given - is that how it works cyberhippie?

I was adopted at 6 weeks and there is absolutely no information for my 'medical history'. Which I have to say has gotten more important to me over the past few years.

But I sometimes feel that if if my mother is anything like me she has spent every day trying to - not necessarily forget because that's not possible - but rather to ignore/push the curiousity and guilt she may have felt/feel out of her thoughts when the pop into consciousness (that's what I do with emotional upset anyway) so it is that fear that keeps me from looking for her persistantly.

I would certainly be more comfortable if she made that move to contact me. At the same time however I would like the opportunity to tell her (in my opinion) that she made an excellent decision and that I've had an absolutely wonderful life. Because I can only imagine whenever it (or me rather) pops into her head there is that guilt and the unknown of what happened to me and did I end up with a good family.

Anyway another WOW - as I said I can't imagine the feelings you must be experiencing - questions, butterflies and the like. Good luck with this new chapter!

[Cully]

Whatever you do Trevor, make sure that you are doing this for YOU, not just to make your birth mother happy. I found out that my mom Donna, had a very sick mother (who did not have much time left) It was one of her wishes to meet me before she died....this was too much pressure for me at the time.

Good luck with everything, PM me if you wish to chat about this further....

[Esau]

I won't get into details about this on here and I'm not adopted, but I did exiprence sorta the same thing a couple years back, but in reverse. Was scary as hell, but I'm glad I did.

It'll be a good thing my friend, for you both.

All the best.

[Cully]

I have almost called my birth mother so many times...but it never seems to be the right time (I am not sure if there ever will be the right time) It would be valuable to know some of her medical history (which could possibly help me out down the line)

Once again, good luck my friend...know that you are not alone with this.

[thatpatguy]

I have to admit.. getting some of that medical history would be potentially really good. I think there is way that you can sorta get that without contacting the family directly.. but I could be totally wrong on that. I guess it's dependant on the adoption agency you used or whatever. I dunno..

As for contact.. I guess if it was important to my birth parents to know that I went to a good place then I'd be happy with contact to let them know that I turned out fine (I suppose even that is open for debate.. but you know what I mean )

My sister went through a bit of an identity crisis in her later years of high school, but she never went through with contacting her birth parents. I never really talked to her about it though.. we don't have that kind of relationship (at least we didn't back then.. a 6 year age gap will do that).

Good luck to all the adopted people on this board who are struggling with idea of contacting their birth parents!

[ollie]

Not adopted but a few years ago my mom revealed to me that she put her first son up for adoption so I have a half-brother out there that I've never met. My mom spent a couple of years trying to track him down but to no avail. I would love to meet him one day but I don't know how that's going to happen.

It's weird because I totally forget about him for long stretches of time and then something like this thread jogs my memory and I'm like, holy shit! So yeah, there might be more family than just your mom that wants to hear from you.

[FairySari]

I was adopted at 8 days old. I never really had too much interest in trying to find my birth mother, but several years ago, a close friend of mine who was also adopted, found her birth parents. I think she was the one who was looking, and now she talks to her birth mother sometimes, but is really resentful of her birth father - I don't really know the whole story.

I want to be a midwife, and recently took a doula (labour assistant) training course, where I met another woman who was adopted, and who had found her birth mother. After talking to her, I relaized that I really do need to find my birth mother, just to find out what my own birth was like, which is important to me if I'm going to be delivering babies.

I know she's looking for me, and that she's registered with the adoption agency that I can get her contact info, but it's a really hard thing to do to take the first step...

Anyway, good luck with this Trevor. If I can offer any advice, it would be to try not to have any expectations of what your relationship with this woman will be like.

[Alexis]

a friend of mine and (who is in the scene but not on the board) and i have discussed the numerous people who are in the scene and wondered if there was anything behind it, some sort of social trend that could be documented. but then again, you don't really know how many adopted people you run into on a daily basis...it's not something that's really stated upon introduction.

good luck with all this cyberhippie..my uncle is adopted and the medical history alone was really helpful with him. he waited until my gramma died before he contacted, which shows signs of other emotional issues, but whatever....it was like a fuzzy image suddenly becoming clear with his mental and physical health history and did him a lot of good despite the emotional trauma.

[StoneMtn]

I'm not adopted, but a good friend of mine is, and he met his birth-mother when he was in his late-teens. She had contacted him.

After meeting her, she and he really got along well, and developed a bit of a relationship. He would go out to the Maritimes from Toronto to stay with her once a year.

Then ... one day ... the topic came up between us, and I found him referring to his birth mother as "that bitch" and "I'm never going to see her again" ... and that was about the last time it came up. I don't know what happened there, because he thought she was great for a few years, but then it all ended.

I really do empathize with you CyberHippie; although I'm sure I can't relate. Best to you, whatever you decide.

[Chewie]

i am adopted too...but have less than zero desire to meet my bitrh parents...

[secondtube]

wow...i can't believe how many on here are adopted.

i'm in the identical situation as Ollie.

[Davey Boy 2.0]

i'm adopted and have never had any urge to track down my biological parents. there are many many reasons, one of which is that if I had adopted an infant and s/he eventually contacted their biologoical parents and started up a relationship with them then i would have to 'share' the child (with parents who... fill in the blank) and i think i'd find that pretty hard. it's a whole other level than a child having to divide time between divorced parents.

also i figure that if things got messy, for whatever reason then that would make everything that much worse and i'd find myself thinking 'why the hell did i ever bother...'

so it goes

[Chewie]

i'm adopted and have never had any urge to track down my biological parents. there are many many reasons, one of which is that if I had adopted an infant and s/he eventually contacted their biologoical parents and started up a relationship with them then i would have to 'share' the child (with parents who... fill in the blank) and i think i'd find that pretty hard. it's a whole other level than a child having to divide time between divorced parents.

also i figure that if things got messy, for whatever reason then that would make everything that much worse and i'd find myself thinking 'why the hell did i ever bother...'

so it goes

well said...

its over and done with...

fuck it, i say

[Davey Boy 2.0]

we should start some sort of lobbyist group or something

btw, i meant to add- best of luck to you CH. big decision...

[CyberHippie]

Thanks for all the well wishes and support, it's so overwhelming.

A little back history for those interested:

I registered with the adoption disclosure thing about 7 years ago. Two years after I recived a letter saying that they had a match with my birth father... This was a strange thing, for some reason I had never thought about him. However they were never able to get in contact with him, so who knows what the situation is on that front.

About a month ago I recieved word that they had a match with my birth mother. I wrote a letter with my email address that they passed on to her, and I got the email from her last night (which strangley I knew was going to be in my inbox when I got home). I had sent a couple photos of me and apparently the family reseblence is striking. Turns out I also have a half brother and sister. She also said that not a day has gone by when she hasn't thought about me.

It's all so wierd... But I feel like this situation could really help to fill some pieces into the whole 'who am I' puzzle.

I too am also surprised how many others were adopted. For some reason it's a bit of a taboo subject that people don't really talk about.

heavy...

[payce-ley]

adopted here as well... have wondered about the birth parents but not enough to go out of my way to find them

if the situation arose though am sure I'd want to meet my "blood", if only to compare notes on their tendencies and biology

right on Trevor

[Basher]

All the best Trevor. As with most on this board, you have a much bigger family than you think!

[secondtube]

Jhamie (i think thats how you spell it), your adopted?

wow. your parents are about the coolest parents i've ever met....your a lucky man.

(on the flip side, i bet your birth mother is an interesting person.....)

Edited February 22, 2006 by Guest