So, on a serious note... Anyone else adopted?

[payce-ley]

wow. your parents are about the coolest parents i've ever met....your a lucky man.

took lots of training, my friend... kept me busy for decades

[livingstoned]

I think it is the hardest, bravest, and most honourable decision to give up a child you carried to term to give them an opportunity at a better life.

This next part is what I found out about Nova Scotia adoptions not sure how accurate it is for other provinces but I have to think it was still the case.

Mid seventies this stopped but prior to that women were forced to go away and give up their unborn child becasue having a child out of wedlock was unthinkable. One of the times I was on a 'lets look into Nova Scotia adoptions' kick -I found this horrible website of all these women shared stories about how women from Cape Breton and surronding areas were sent to Antigonish (to the nuns) and forced to do physical labour (ridiculous amounts of physical labour) up until the day the went in to labour - as a way of punishing them for having a child out of wedlock - the children were taken from them without ever seeing them and given up for adoption the woman were sent back home - never to speak of the incident again (the parents told relatives and friends the woman were away for whatever reason)

This was a horrible read for me because I am from Cape Breton and my birth certificate states I was born in Antigonish - in the late seventies.

This tore me apart to think possibly my biological mother didn't choose to give me up for a better life but instead was forced to. Mind you it wouldn't have changed anything only the urge to find her and definitely tell her that I had a wonderful life.

Soon after this I checked with my parents and mom informed me that this was not the case with me and she knew this for sure and even suspects that she knows who my biological mother is - in the next town away from where I grew up - and she gave me up becasue she started university at 18 at St.FX in Antigonish and gave me up for a better life - one that she couldn't provide at the time.

So I guess I can't speak for everyone and this may only apply perhaps to situations like my own where from what I am to understand my biological mother gave me up in hopes of a better life for me but personally I am grateful this happened and I do not harbour any feelings of F U you gave me up who cares about you. I don't feel its a selfish thing I think its a selfless act. I'm grateful that my mom and dad were able to adopt because they couldn't have children and I wouldn't change a thing. I am grateful that my biological mother did this for me.

Of course who knows how I would feel if the parents that adopted me were horrible people or whatever but I'd like to think that I would still understand the decision that my biological mother made.

anyway again good luck and I hope you are able to take away only good from this experience

[gentlemonkey]

wow...i can't believe how many on here are adopted.

i'm in the identical situation as Ollie.

also same. Except my father was also surprised to find he had another eldest son.

Good luck, CH. I hope its a great experience for you.

[peipunk]

Wow Trev, that is really something...I can't believe how many others here were adopted as well! And although I do feel a bit strange discussing this here....

I was also adopted. And I met my birth mother and brother (through my own choice) 7 years ago. I think the most emotional moment for me was not the actual meeting, but when I received the first letter from her, with a picture. I had never seen myself in someone else before. It was staggering.

I find this a bit strange that the initial contact would be by e-mail(although definitely not bad, I can tell by your response to this)....there is usually a lot of red tape to cut through for this sort of thing. I circumvented the red tape by contacting the Sister who ran the Adoption agency, who had stayed in touch with our family while I grew up. She wrote a letter to my birth mother (who was living in Ottawa at the time), who then wrote a letter to me. We then made arrangements to meet and it has been a wonderful experience ever since. My only regret is that the familes that I am now a part of are so enormous (my mother is from a family of 7, my father from a family of 14, my grandmother had 16 brothers and sisters- now my birth mother is from a family of 7 you get the picture, I have an OCEAN of cousins) that I feel like I don't have enough time to give attention to everyone that I care about. Overall I have no regrets whatsoever about the whole experience and I urge you to make this contact if you want to.

In closing, I would like to say that I feel like I am the luckiest, happiest person on the planet and I NEVER take that for granted.

Edited February 22, 2006 by Guest

[PalacePrincess]

this is kind of an aside, but i read somewhere that adopted boys are far less likely to have any desire to meet their birth families than adopted girls.

anyway.

i have a story to share.

a few years ago, my siblings (younger brother, younger sister, stepbrother & stepsister) and i were all over at my dad & stepmom's for dinner. completely out of the blue, my stepmom sits us all down & says "guys, i have something i want to talk to you about".

she proceeded to tell us that many, many years ago, before she met the father of my stepbrother & stepsister, she had a baby girl she gave up for adoption. well, that baby girl spent 7 years looking for my stepmom... & found her. it turned out that she had been living in cambridge all this time (in other words, like 10 minutes away), and had been adopted by these really rich people that totally treated her like a princess & gave her a really good life. when she embarked on her search for my stepmom, her adoptive parents were very supportive & helped her out in any way they could. she wrote my stepmother a letter and eventually they got in touch & they arranged to meet. my stepmom was very nervous & anxious about meeting her & almost backed out of the whole thing, but in the end, worked up the courage to go. the meeting, while emotional, went well. my stepmom told us that this girl would be coming over for dinner sometime so we could all meet her too.

what was our reaction?

we were absolutely elated! (and yes, shocked too -- you don't expect your own family to go all days of our lives on you!). i was especially excited to meet her. i've ALWAYS been the oldest in the family -- oldest of my natural siblings, oldest in our blended family, i'm even the oldest grandchild on my dad's side. and since she's 3 years older than i am, all of a sudden i wasn't anymore. i had an older 'sister'! she even has the same name as me! i couldn't wait to meet her.

i was really excited & nervous when she finally came, and i can't even imagine how intimidating it must have been for her. my jaw absolutely dropped open when i saw her -- she looks like pictures of my stepmom when she was younger, moving around & talking. it was amazing to see exactly how much is passed through genetically too. she & my stepmom have the same mannerisms, they are interested in a lot of the same things, some of their natural reactions to things are the same, and they look so much alike. but anyway, i'm getting a little off track here.

the moral of this story is that i am SO glad that she decided to find my stepmom. i have a new 'sister' now, who is truly a part of our family. she now has all of us crazy people in her life too. she comes to our family functions, she invited all freaking 7 of us to her wedding (& gave us the best seats in the house!), and she just had a baby this past christmas. and while it did take a period of cautious, polite, getting to know you, we're now all very much in the crazy, comfortable, sarcastic, loving sibling & family dynamic of fun. she is as much a part of my family as everyone else. so if i were going to suggest whether or not to at least meet your birth family, i would say do it in a heartbeat. you never know who is waiting out there for you, there could be a whole group of people whose lives you could enrich just by being in them (and who may just enrich your life too).

you can't change the past, but you can make the most out of the future. and if it doesn't work out, then at least you both tried, right? at the very least, you'll glean more information about your past, even if it is just biological health information. so really, what do you have to lose?

i say go for it.

[CyberHippie]

Thanks for all your stories.

Punk - I also felt strange about discussing this here. But now I'm glad I did... As an aside my birth father is from PEI and I think moved back there after I was born. From what little I know he also has a huge family... I have a very small family, it's bizarre to think I have so many blood relatives out there.

Edited February 22, 2006 by Guest

[MamaBurnsy]

As a delivery room nurse, I have seen many adoptions.

In all the cases that I have seen, the mothers did not want to give the baby up. It was only out of love for the child and selflessness, that they had chosen to not to abort nor keep the child for themselves. The patients that I had, realized that the children would have a better life with someone else, and at the same time, they helped couples who could not conceive themselves.

From what I can tell, the love,courage, and strength to face the heartbreak of having to give up a part of yourself to other people is phenominal.

I am in no way in any sort of position to give any advice on the subject, contacting birth parents is a very personal decision that only you can make.

I just wanted to share my observations as an outsider looking in.

[Scarlet Begonia]

I have a few friends that were adopted and they all seem to have different takes on what that means to them.

My mom's aunt had to give up her daughter and recently met her, she couldn't believe the amount of similarities between them. They seemed to share many personality traits and mannerisms. Even though they had never met until 40 years later.

Another friend of mine has a twin brother and an adopted sister who is older then the twins. My friend and her brother are very athletic -so are the adoptive parents- and the adopted sister is very artistic from what my friend tells me the sister was always a trouble for the parents and caused them a lot of heart ache. To me it sounds like she was misunderstood and although loved probably could have gained a lot of insight by meeting her birth parents, which my friend had no desire to do.

A couple that my parents have known for over thirty years and who's children (both adopted) I grew up with recently lost their grandfather, and even though it was not their birth grandfather they had known him all their lives he taught them lots of things and I remember their mother remarking that it was as though that was their grandfather. Which of course it is, blood relations are one bond, but in my opinion the people that love and raise you are your family.

I feel that it is a wonderful thing for people to reach out and adopt a baby and become a family at the same time there is always that bond however unspoken or unknown that we share with the people we come from. You can never have too much family.

[Jay Funk Dawg]

I'm not adopted, I'm am the oldest of 3 kids in my family. It's been great to hear all these great stories of families coming together.

I'm in a strange situation that is kinda related in a backwards inverse way, that I thought I would share.

I was asked indirectly through a family member to father the child of a lesbian couple. The couple got married 3-4 weeks ago at a small wedding at city hall shortly after the election (the were worried about Conservatives abolishing Gay marriages). One of the women is my cousin, the other woman is the one who will carry the baby.

My immediate reaction was "Why not!" This could be better than really becoming a father, as I won't be responsible for raising the child, I'd be more of an "uncle." But more that I think about it, I'm now thinking "Will be the "father figure" in this child's life?, what will happen if the parents break up? What if I want to be more involved in this child's life? How will this effect my relationships and future relationships? Since I'm close to the couple anyways, will it be open to the child that I am his/her father?

The meeting is approaching and I've got a lot to think about. This is certainly a interesting situation, if anyone has any insights to similar situations it would be much appreciated.

[Im going home Donny]

As a delivery room nurse, I have seen many adoptions.

In all the cases that I have seen, the mothers did not want to give the baby up. It was only out of love for the child and selflessness, that they had chosen to not to abort nor keep the child for themselves. The patients that I had, realized that the children would have a better life with someone else, and at the same time, they helped couples who could not conceive themselves.

From what I can tell, the love,courage, and strength to face the heartbreak of having to give up a part of yourself to other people is phenominal.

I am in no way in any sort of position to give any advice on the subject, contacting birth parents is a very personal decision that only you can make.

I just wanted to share my observations as an outsider looking in.

All adopted kids should be given this note.

[bokonon]

My step-dad tried to adopt me when i was ten-ish since i hadn't seen much of my biological dad in my whole life but bio dad wouldn't sign the papers. Every once in a while I think I see my bio dad because i do know what he looks like but i'm never sure and it's kinda freaky. I guess I'm emotionally adopted but not on paper. I know my mom though and that's who i lived with until I was seventeen. My last name is infamous in Brantford (I kept my bio last name) and it always raises questions, especially now that I'm in sales and have to give my card out to people all the time.I'm always afraid that I'm going to give a card out to someone that knows my dad. I have no desire to see him.

[bokonon]

The people that are in your life are your family. Someone said that above. That is the honest truth. I lived next door to my best friend for years. Her parents went to high school with my Mum and step-dad, the kids of both families went to school together (elementary) and we still all see each other from time to time. Michelle's family is more my family than many people that I'm related to. They have had and still do have an influence on who I am.

[c-towns]

sounds like we've got a lot of second generation hippies on this board....

Great stories guys, good luck CH (i still think your a girl though)

[ReDD]

I've read all of you woderful stories and decided I would like to contribute one of my own about adoption..

My Aunt had a baby girl at a very young age and decided the best option was adoption. This was kept a secret from the younger half of the family. About 4 years ago my cousin Meighan was told by my grandmother that she had an older sister and she immediatly started looking for her. Chardel (now my oldest cousin at 40) was found about 2 years ago. She and Meighan are very close now. Chardel and I have met at a few family functions and talk via e-mail as well as messanger. She has became a very important, fun and quirky member of our family. The odd part of my story is her mother does not have any interest in meeting her. Chardel is completly fine with that and more then happy to have met the rest of us. She has told me a few times that with connecting with the lost part of her she feels more complete.

I wish you all best in your communication with your mother cyber hippie. Good Luck!!

[tigger]

I'm adopted as well folks and you guys have wrote so many things that are completely from the heart .I grew up on a court with 26 houses and there were over 10 kids in the same boat as I.This was in the 60's .Like the number of folks on this board it's comforting to know alot of us share the same history.The emotions involved are swirling , I thought of seeking out my birth parents in the past but have never taken action.I guess the reason I never did is I couldn't imagine the effect this could have on my adopted parents .Really I feel almost exactly like Thatpatguy(well put).Thanks again for everyone sharing a piecs of their selves .

It's not what grows under your heart but in it.

[mister slippery]

my sister and i were both adopted.

she has shown lukewarm interests on occasion in findin real family, but not me.

we were told only that we do not share the same family.

interesting thread, cyber-trev.

[Calamity Jane]

I really appreciate all the courage and honesty you folks have shown in these posts. It is weird that adoption is still somewhat of a taboo subject (or as someone said, not casually discussed, anyway)

Jaydawg....Dave was asked by 2 different lesbian couples if he would donate sperm. These gals are great friends of mine, and to be honest, I felt too selfish to 'share' and I really didn't think I could handle the emotional consequences that would surely come down the pipe at some point. No advice really, except to say, do some long and serious thinking .....it's good you're going to have a meeting to discuss things thoroughly. Good luck!

Cyber Hippie...all the best as this new chapter of your life unfolds....given what I've heard from friends, and from the responses on this board, it seems few people ever regret the decision to meet their birth family!

[arcane]

Add me to the list of adopted and reunited. I look a lot like my birth mother.

My birth family is ... ummm ... my imagination was never that wild.

[Lazlo]

I was sold to these people for a 20 pack of chicken nuggets and a dog.

[Im going home Donny]

and a dog...who could sell there dog?

[Lazlo]

[ggrtrhhrtgg]

hey Trev, I am adopted as well, both myself and my sister... i have never had the opportunity to meet my natural parents--I had the opportunity to write a letter to my natural mother, just to let her know that I was ok, and so at the very least, everytime my birthday comes around, hopefully she doesn't worry any longer... I hope you enjoy the experience... pm me if you need any sort of support...