Any authors on the board?

[bokonon]

I have a couple book ideas and am looking for advice not on writing, but on handling the publishing industry. Should I try to get an agent or should I go solo? What general advice would you have?

[mister slippery]

Lex,

ill see if i can get an email addy for my buddy Nathaniel G Moore

he has just recently published his 2nd or 3rd, or poss even more im not sure, novel, and is doing a book tour throughout SoOn and montreal.

he might have some tips.

ill try to get an addy this weekend sometime, if i can.

[mister slippery]

and, what does your sig mean, ive been curious.

[Jaimoe]

My friend is a published author. She had to keep submitting her work to many publishers. Finally after many rejections, her first novel was published to some acclaim - Now for example, gave her book International Date Line NNNNN. I believe she doesn't have an agent, but certainly contacted many small press publishers. I'd investigate small press publishers. You'll find the big ones are evil.

[Blane]

i've got a number of publications/contributions to publications in the works right now, but they're more academic in nature. what type of writing are you thinking of doing?

[Jaimoe]

Also, I have two very close friends that work for Harlequin and all of their publishing off-shoots (the company also deals in "real" writing). I could ask them questions tomorrow if you'd like? Just give me some more questions.

[SaggyBalls]

I want to know about that fuggin jet fighter.

[bokonon]

The plane in my pants is in reference to a forward I got from Wanda. Here's the whole thing:

- - - -

AN OPEN LETTER TO

MR. JAMES THATCHER,

BRAND MANAGER,

PROCTER & GAMBLE.

February 6, 2007

Dear Mr. Thatcher,

I have been a loyal user of your Always maxi pads for over 20 years, and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the LeakGuard Coreâ„¢ or Dri-Weaveâ„¢ absorbency, I'd probably never go horseback riding or salsa dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach in tight, white shorts. But my favorite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can't tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there's a little F-16 in my pants.

Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever suffered from "the curse"? I'm guessing you haven't. Well, my "time of the month" is starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I'll be transformed into what my husband likes to call "an inbred hillbilly with knife skills." Isn't the human body amazing?

As brand manager in the feminine-hygiene division, you've no doubt seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customers' monthly visits from Aunt Flo. Therefore, you must know about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood swings, crying jags, and out-of-control behavior. You surely realize it's a tough time for most women. In fact, only last week, my friend Jennifer fought the violent urge to shove her boyfriend's testicles into a George Foreman Grill just because he told her he thought Grey's Anatomy was written by drunken chimps. Crazy! The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in capri pants. Which brings me to the reason for my letter.

Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words: "Have a Happy Period."

Are you fucking kidding me?

What I mean is, does any part of your tiny middle-manager brain really think happiness—actual smiling, laughing happiness—is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James? FYI, unless you're some kind of sick S&M freak girl, there will never be anything "happy" about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on Motrin and Kahlúa and lock yourself in your house just so you don't march down to the local Walgreens armed with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory. For the love of God, pull your head out, man. If you just have to slap a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more sense to say something that's actually pertinent, like "Put Down the Hammer" or "Vehicular Manslaughter Is Wrong"? Or are you just picking on us?

Sir, please inform your accounting department that, effective immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will certainly miss your Flexi-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your brand of condescending bullshit. And that's a promise I will keep. Always.

Best,

Wendi Aarons

Austin, TX

Edited August 13, 2007 by Guest

[lara]

Haha... thats priceless!

So Boko, are you talking fiction or non?

[shainhouse]

That letter made me smile.

[kung]

I'm writing an autobiographical work called Last Atlas Honky Fall that deals with the early period of my life and my friendship with Jon Sherrick who I attended the Band's performance in '89 at the Ontario Place Forum with (notably Billy Preston sat in for Stan Szelest).

Jon was sent to Hazelden (setting of A Million Little Pieces) came back an even bigger punk and hung himself in his parents basement at age 18. I was in the ballroom of the Kilmorey Lodge in Waterton Lakes National Park when I got the news. He was my Neil Cassady.

I am also writing a musical piece of ethnomusicography that is entitled Old Weird Canada and places the Band's ouvre rightly in the context of Canadian history as well as will seek to not gloss over the darker aspects of their later period including of course well, everyone except Robbie.

[Calamity Jane]

oh lex.....what a hilarious letter....thanks for posting that!!!

btw, good luck with your writing & publishing efforts. I don't know much, but I would echo the advice to try the smaller publishers first.

[allison]

That letter is awesome!!!

Bokonon I may be able to help a little, but would prefer to NOT do so on the board.If you PM me the actual genre that you are looking at, and where you are in the process, I may have something for you.

Isn't there a small press publisher on this board?Steve the Owl? Dusty Owl?

[phorbesie]

that letter was awesome.

[StoneMtn]

bokonon:

What is the nature of the work you want to publish? I have a book coming out next month, or so, but it's academic in nature. My publisher would only be of help for something non-fiction and likely relating to law in some way.

I do, however, have a friend whose books of short stories are published all over the world. I don't know that he would be of great help, but I could certainly email him and ask some questions for you. You can PT me about this if you want.

[kung]

Clearly Alexia is the next Greil Marcus.

[RayRay]

Bokonon, I posted a copy of that letter up on the Gynecology floor I work on, it went over really well. Thanks for posting it.

[bokonon]

Haha... thats priceless!

So Boko, are you talking fiction or non?

Non-fiction

[bokonon]

Also, I have two very close friends that work for Harlequin and all of their publishing off-shoots (the company also deals in "real" writing). I could ask them questions tomorrow if you'd like? Just give me some more questions.

Is there a proper format for manuscripts other than double spaced with one inch margins? Are there any other guidelines I have to follow?

Is it better to try to get an agent or go it alone?

When an agent or publisher says "no manuscripts, inquiries only", what exactly do I send?

I was thinking of getting a copy of the Writer's Market. Is this actually a useful tool with accurate information?

[Alexis]

are you looking to write these ideas yourself, or just sell them? either way, i'd get an agent. i have a lit agent and because of that, i'm not feeling dread over finishing my work. it's entirely possible to do it without one and be successful, but i'd wager it's far easier with one...are you going to umphree's? we should talk about this there.

[Im going home Donny]

OHMYGAWD!!!

That was a fucking hillarious read!

Thanks sista! ....ummm...errr..I mean I have no idea what you're talking about...hunting rifle?

too funny, too true.

[greasyfizeek]

I work in publishing, as well as being a freelancer.

You should be working on a "query" letter, a 1 pg pitch of the book. That's what no manuscripts means. You want to tailor each pitch to the publishing house i.e. send it to appropriate editor, proper materials. You should research their website - it should list if they accept sample chapters. If so, include that with the query. You can also email someone at the press to get the information you need before sending the query.

Queries vary. They are different for newspapers, magazines, book publishing, and film companinies. A really well-crafted and thought out query should take 2-4 weeks to write and go through several drafts. If a press is interested in your pitch, they will contact you and ask for the full manuscript. This is no guarantee they will publish your work.

As for an agent, do your research. Each agent has slightly different guidelines. Some like email submissions; some don't. Some don't even accept unsolicited manuscripts. It's not essential to get an agent. As a first-time author, it's difficult. It's easier to try and publish yourself, and then get an agent after some success. I've read a stat that 80% of Canadian authors do not have an agent.

Hope that helps.

-greasy

[bokonon]

That helps a ton! Thank-you all very much. I love this forum, it totally follows the old adage of ask and you shall receive.

[kung]

Good luck with your 'books' Alexis or Alexia or whatever your names are.

[bokonon]

You're a jackass.