phishtaper Posted December 18, 2008 Report Share Posted December 18, 2008 Dear Work,Seeya in january. Im out! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
backbacon Posted December 18, 2008 Report Share Posted December 18, 2008 Dear Work,See you tomorrow for one last day of you for 2008! I'll leave home extra early in the morning so I can make it in on time in the snow storm. Just for you, work! Please don't shut down next year and move what remains of you to Mexico like I reckon you're just itching to.Okay, see you tomorrow.Oh, by the way, awesome Mexican potluck today! Thanks for letting me bring home three different people's leftover beefy dip slop! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
can-o-phish Posted December 18, 2008 Report Share Posted December 18, 2008 Dear Work,Seeya in january. Im out! Awww...phishtaper has finally left the closet...good on ya mate Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mister slippery Posted December 18, 2008 Author Report Share Posted December 18, 2008 Thanks for letting me bring home three different people's leftover beefy dip slop! Wow, what a sentence. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
c-towns Posted December 19, 2008 Report Share Posted December 19, 2008 he loves his beefy dip slop Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mister slippery Posted December 22, 2008 Author Report Share Posted December 22, 2008 Dear work,oh, you are SO dead at recess. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mister slippery Posted December 7, 2009 Author Report Share Posted December 7, 2009 Dear work, Hi there. I'm very pleased to sit down with you this year, in the realization that this year I get some Christmas time off, and only have to work Christmas Eve. No boxing day. No NYE No New Years Day. Yer losing your hatred, you old beast, but methinks I love you for it. I still don't trust you though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ms.Huxtable Posted December 7, 2009 Report Share Posted December 7, 2009 Dear work, I came to you this Monday morning with an enormous amount of stress due to the Tuesday deadline you placed on me.Thank you for moving the deadline to Friday without my even having to ask. Now I may keep my hair from turning grey and have time to post on the Sanctuary. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hal Johnson Posted December 7, 2009 Report Share Posted December 7, 2009 Dear Old Work,I don't even miss ya one bit, jerk face!!Hal Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
phishtaper Posted December 7, 2009 Report Share Posted December 7, 2009 Dear Work, Thank you for having so many coffee options within a brisk walk of my office. D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kanada Kev Posted December 7, 2009 Report Share Posted December 7, 2009 Company Memo --------------------------------------------------------------------------------FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director TO: All Employees DATE: October 1, 2009RE: Gala Christmas Party I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23rd, starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We'll have a small band playing traditional carols... feel free to sing along. And don't be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00 PM. Exchanges of gifts among employees can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over $10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone's pockets. This gathering is only for employees! Our CEO will make a special announcement at that time! Merry Christmas to you and your family, Patty Company Memo --------------------------------------------------------------------------------FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director TO: All Employees DATE: October 2, 2009RE: Gala Holiday Party In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees. We recognize that Hanukkah is an important holiday, which often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. However, from now on, we're calling it our "Holiday Party." The same policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians and to those still celebrating Reconciliation Day. There will be no Christmas tree and no Christmas carols will be sung. We will have other types of music for your enjoyment. Happy now? Happy Holidays to you and your family, Patty Company Memo --------------------------------------------------------------------------------FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director TO: All Employees DATE: October 3, 2009RE: Holiday Party Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table, you didn't sign your name. I'm happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads, "AA Only", you wouldn't be anonymous anymore. How am I supposed to handle this? Somebody? And sorry, but forget about the gift exchange, no gifts are allowed since the union members feel that $10.00 is too much money and the executives believe $10.00 is a little chintzy. REMEMBER: NO GIFTS EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED. Company Memo --------------------------------------------------------------------------------FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director To: All Employees DATE: October 4, 2009 RE: Generic Holiday Party What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20th begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees' beliefs.. Perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the party or else package everything for you to take it home in little foil doggy baggy. Will that work? Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest from the dessert buffet, and pregnant women will get the table closest to the restrooms. Gays are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not have to sit with Gay men, each group will have their own table. Yes, there will be flower arrangement for the Gay men's table. To the person asking permission to cross dress, the Grill House asks that no cross-dressing be allowed, apparently because of concerns about confusion in the restrooms. Sorry. We will have booster seats for short people. Low-fat food will be available for those on a diet. I am sorry to report that we cannot control the amount of salt used in the food . The Grill House suggests that people with high blood pressure taste a bite first. There will be fresh "low sugar" fruits as dessert for diabetics, but the restaurant cannot supply "no sugar" desserts. Sorry! Did I miss anything?!?!? Patty Company Memo --------------------------------------------------------------------------------FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director TO: All F*%^ing Employees DATE: October 5, 2009 RE: The F*%^ing Holiday Party I've had it with you vegetarian pricks!!! We're going to keep this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of death," as you so quaintly put it, and you'll get your f*%^ing salad bar, including organic tomatoes. But you know, tomatoes have feelings, too. They scream when you slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them scream right NOW! The rest of you f*%^ing wierdos can kiss my *ss. I hope you all have a rotten holiday! Drive drunk and die, The B*tch from H*ll!!! Company Memo --------------------------------------------------------------------------------FROM: Joan Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director DATE: October 6, 2009 RE: Patty Lewis and Holiday Party I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy recovery and I'll continue to forward your cards to her. In the meantime, management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd off with full pay. Happy Holidays! Joan Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mister slippery Posted December 7, 2009 Author Report Share Posted December 7, 2009 Nice one KK. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AD Posted December 7, 2009 Report Share Posted December 7, 2009 Dear workI freely admit I'm running out the clock until my Xmas holidays. AD Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Velvet Posted December 7, 2009 Report Share Posted December 7, 2009 Dear work, I'm really sorry I haven't put in the time outside of work hours to make sure my on-the-clock skills are up to (and hopefully above) par. I will work hard to get myself back to 100% so I can walk away from you every day knowing that I did you proud. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Schwa. Posted December 7, 2009 Report Share Posted December 7, 2009 Deer work. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
d_rawk Posted December 7, 2009 Report Share Posted December 7, 2009 Wow, this thread is a blast from the past.Dear Work -Thank you for putting up with my bullshit and always being like 'you are frustrating when you fuck off on us, and sometimes your twitchiness freaks out clients, but we couldn't do it without you' We need each other, you and I. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
phishtaper Posted December 9, 2009 Report Share Posted December 9, 2009 Dear Work, Thank you for being warm and cosy today. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
YearsAlongTheSea Posted December 9, 2009 Report Share Posted December 9, 2009 Dear Work,I am sorry I don't have you.Sincerely,Ianp.s. Where are you? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bradm Posted December 9, 2009 Report Share Posted December 9, 2009 Work and I have agreed to a separation; to keep things civil (or at least, not ugly), we don't have any direct communication. Instead, we send messages to each other through our attorneys. And we're both OK with that.Aloha,Brad Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Northern Wish Posted December 9, 2009 Report Share Posted December 9, 2009 Dear work: It sucks to have to get out of bed to meet you half way across the city on days like today. But I'd like to thank you anyway for giving me the power to sleep through the night and eat breakfast every morning. Oh and see the occasional concert ;-) xx Sean Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Esau. Posted December 9, 2009 Report Share Posted December 9, 2009 Dear work,I'm drunk.:highfive: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Schwa. Posted December 9, 2009 Report Share Posted December 9, 2009 Dear work,I'm drunk.:highfive:bwahahaahaahahah! :returnshighfive: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Davey Boy 2.0 Posted December 9, 2009 Report Share Posted December 9, 2009 Work and I have agreed to a separation; to keep things civil (or at least, not ugly), we don't have any direct communication. Instead, we send messages to each other through our attorneys. And we're both OK with that.Aloha,BradAs your attorney I would advise you to catch up to Esau.Please keep us posted.Have a great day,db Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bradm Posted December 9, 2009 Report Share Posted December 9, 2009 Work and I have agreed to a separation; to keep things civil (or at least' date=' not ugly), we don't have any direct communication. Instead, we send messages to each other through our attorneys. And we're both OK with that.Aloha,Brad[/quote']As your attorney I would advise you to catch up to Esau.Thanks, but now Hobby and I are at odds (we were supposed to go to Montreal today to hobby some things out, but I had to call it off due to the weather), so I'll think about it later.Aloha,Brad Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mister slippery Posted May 13, 2010 Author Report Share Posted May 13, 2010 Dear work,this is kind of a preemptive strike. I got a feeling I'm going to be developing some new hatred towards you soon.Watch yer back, jerk. :susel: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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