Need advise, I feel like a dufus.

[Ms.Huxtable]

Tonight, Bouche and I took our dog for a walk to the corner store to pick up some ingredients for dinner. While Bouche was inside a group of about 10, 10-12 year old boys surrounded me and started harassing me for money and throwing handfuls of stones at Abbey calling her a stupid dog and successfully trying to get her worked up.

I felt like a total idiot. I haven't been in a harrassing situation in many, many years, certainly not as a responsible adult. I really didn't know what to do. I told them to fuck off, picked Abbey up and tried to ignore them. I wanted to kick their asses but the grown up in me said no.

How should I have handled this? What can I do if this happens again? I am SO out of touch with the youth of today. I used to look at old fogeys like me and think they were geeks. Advise please.

[timouse]

sharon, that sucks. it's the worst feeling in the world to be in that sort of situation and be totally at odds with it.

when i was in college i worked as a pizza delivery guy in a really sketchy part of scarborough. one night while making a delivery to a particularly sketchy apartment complex (metro housing, urine-scented elevators...) i got on an elevator with 8 or 9 kids in the same age bkt as the ones you describe. they all started in on me...

(kids)"hey pizza man give us your pizza!"

(me)"ummm...no, it's for someone else."

(kids) "then give us your money"

*aggressive jostling by said kids*

(me) "NO. It's not my money.."

(kids) "we can TAKE your money, mister."

*elevator door thankfully opens*

i was at a loss as to what to say to cap off this excahnge, walked away (quickly) all the while ruminating on how things were going to hell, that I never would have behaved like that at 10 years old...the sad thing was they probably could have got my money, and had i been going to the 20th floor rhather than the 4th this might have ended very differently.

it was at that moment that i realized that (a) i'm on my way to being a geeky old fogey and ( gangs of kids are more than a little bit unnerving.

having found myself in similar albeit less weird and threatebning situations since, i have found that rational non profane highly sarcasm-laced calming speech (would you talk to your mother like this?) coupled with a subtle retreat is the best way to deal with such things.

the sad fact of the matter is that the jerk to decent citizen ratio is changing in a bad way...sorry, that's not very encouraging...but it sounds like you handled it the best way possible.

"cut it out you little fuckers, would you treat your mother like this" is also an acceptable response, so is "listen asshat, this dog bites" is also good...

[Im going home Donny]

Dude they sounded pretty mental...what a bunch of pricks. Sorry that happened to you babe!

You probably did exactly as you should have short of calling the police...

Mabey in this day and age it's smart to carry a mini microvave oven(cell)?

Sorry again...that would frEaK me out!

[c-towns]

its bouches fault for buying those damn smokes, he can go to hell now.

[Large Marge]

Maybe Deb can help. She teaches self defence techniques to women. I'm not sure if the course includes verbal response as well as physical, but maybe you could send her a PM.

I'm really sorry that you had to go through this. I remember having to deal with the Toronto "posse" problems back in highschool; being "Large Marge", I didn't have as much of an issue with it as some. I wish I had some sage advice, but honestly, I don't know what I'd do either. I guess you just have to try and be happy that it didn't turn out any worse. Thanks for bringing it to our attention; we should all be aware of this kind of threat.

Cheers!

[Booche]

Sharon, I think you did what should have been done, aside from calling me and saying "Booche, bring your bat".

[Guest Low Roller]

That sucks Sharon... I hope that nobody got hurt. You probably did the right thing by ignoring them, because things may have escalated otherwise.

[Freak By Night]

You've got to start packing some iron. Introduce these kids to Mr. Smith and Mr. Wesson. That'll fix their wagon.

Seriously though, I think you did the right thing.

P.S. You have dog now?

[Jaimoe]

You did the right thing Sharon by not confronting them. You can't win any battle when you are out-numbered.

The cops may have been very interested to hear your story.

[SmoothedShredder]

Take a page from Cartman, and "Kick em' in the nuts".

Peace,

William

[mark tonin]

You did the right thing Sharon by not confronting them. You can't win any battle when you are out-numbered.

I agree ... a group of 10 to 12 year old boys can be trouble ... I wouldn't do things to escalate a situation like this, that's for sure ... group mentality with any group, especially a group of boys this age, can be extremely irrational and volatile.

Big hugs to you Sharon, and hopefully you won't encounter this group of kids or a similar one in the future.

Peace, Mark

[Paan]

If I were there, I would have opened a can of woop ass, unleashing my mighty fists of fury, delivering them a relentless series of beatings, making them wish they were never born.

... actually, I would run screaming like a little girl... but the other way sounds better.

[Jaimoe]

Kids carry knives nowadays so not confronting them is best.

[Calamity Jane]

hey Sharon -- calming vibes sent for the yuckiness you endured. It always feels 'personal' even though those kids didn't pick you personally, and 'success' often does not feel like success unless we 're leaving someone lying bleeding in a gutter (and I can teach you to do this someday) BUT, it was successful b/c you got away safely.

in the program I teach, we always look at avoidance first, action (verbal or physical) as a secondary measure when warranted.

so the guidelines we give are always about tapping in to your intuition and being aware of your surroundings/peoople in your surroundings. If you'd felt immediately weird as they approached, you could have entered the store, regardless of their dog policy. (this is 'avoidance' -- acting on a feeling and leaving a situation before it ocurrs). Once they became abusive, you could have entered the store and asked the clerk if he knew the kids and related what they were doing/saying. The store may have had problems with them in the past and so could help ID them for the cops. You could have called the cops yourself (or made a 'show' of doing so if you had a cell phone). Tell them you can identify them and that the cops will be track them down at their homes....this might send them running. Make no mistake, this is not 'harmless fun' and the cops will generally take it seriously and hopefully be able to at least scare the shit outta a few of them.

Both Mark and Tim make good points: the group mentality allows these kids to do things as a group they'd never do on their own. If you're going to confront them, suss out who seems to be the 'leader' -- the bravest/mouthiest and deal with him. Always use a strong commanding voice and direct eye contact. (this does take practice of course)

And finally, as Tim said,

"rational non profane highly sarcasm-laced calming speech (would you talk to your mother like this?) coupled with a subtle retreat" can also be an effective way to deal with such things.

and also....

"cut it out you little fuckers, would you treat your mother like this" is also an acceptable response, so is "listen asshat, this dog bites" is also good...

But in the end, there is no one guaranteed method; you just have to do what feels right and acceptable to you at the time. But you and Abbey are okay and that's the thing to focus on--don't let those little fuckers ruin any more of your day!

[Ms.Huxtable]

Wow, that's fantastic advise everyone. I'll know better next time (hopefully there won't be one, but we do share a neighborhood with these little bastards.)

I guess I felt bad for telling little kids to fuck off. I was their age once and feel I have the "it takes a village" responsibility when dealing with kids.

Knowing that it's not up to me to teach, coach or set an example for them, but rather to protect myself and let it go will help me in the future.

Thanks friends.

[Ms.Huxtable]

Oh and Freak by Night:

Check out this thread.

[Velvet]

A twisted part of me kinda hopes this happens to me someday.

And if it does and I do what I think I would do, then I hope it's the same fuckers who did this to you.

[bouche]

I'm pretty sure they got the message after I came out and found out what happened. We were behind them on the way home and the little farts stopped at the Lulu Patates fry hut where I warned the tallest (oldest) of the bunch, aggressively to teach the rest of them manners and I let the rest know not to screw with us or our dog. I was wielding a can of Chicken Broth (not smokes) and I had a bean on one of the little farts head. The tall shit had his hands up saying "it wasn't me" (with a smoke in his mouth no less) of course that's when I suggested he's in charge of the rest of the smaller farts and to make sure they learn how to interact with people.

Coming home, we questioned "where do you draw the line" as an 'adult'. My theory is, when you are being harrassed or threatened, there is no line. But we clearly had a line.

[Chewie]

"I guess I felt bad for telling little kids to fu©k off."

WHY?? these kids are fuckin demons!!! they deserved the f bomb you dropped on them and much more...kids know the difference between right and wrong...

i'd love to see those punks try that shit on me a 240 lb badass muthafucka! lol

seriously, kids are shits these days and don't let it get to you...

[StoneMtn]

I was once rollerblading through Kingston, and I passed a house with about 25 kids aged about 17 or 18 years old hanging out with their skateboards.

I learned two things that day:

1. Skateboarders hate rollerbladers.

2. That house was a "halfway house" for youth.

As I rolled past, some of them yelled a few aggressive things at me, but not so that I could really catch what they said. Being not too bright, I turned around, rolled back to the house and said, "What?"

I then heard the ridiculous comments they had about rollerbladers (which were extra-funny to me, and quite ironic, considering I grew up a little "skateboard-punk") and as about three of them or so came to the road, I replied somewhat in kind. I wasn't too concerned at that point, as I was pretty sure I could hold my own with up to three of these little losers, but when I was surrounded by all 25 or so, and then realized that I was somewhat off-balance on my skates, it occurred to me it was time to flee...

Things could have gotten pretty ugly, as I received a few punches to my back as I skated off with a veritable gang chasing me, and I was only thinking, "Okay, three more blocks until my house where I live with a big, ex-football player, bouncer guy ... three more blocks ..." at which point I actually skated right into a moving cop car. (Normally, this is not something that would please me.) I turned around to see the young sub-humans running for cover.

The moral: it's best to walk (skate) away and live to NOT shoot off your mouth another day. I almost had to learn that the hard way. The other, less useful lesson, is that it is actually possible to live well into your thirties, even being as dumb as StoneMtn.

Sharon, you did the right thing walking away and keeping you and your little dog safe.

[can-o-phish]

Wow Sharon, that is just pathetic. I can start my rant on how our justice system HAS to do away with the "Young offenders Act". These kids KNOW they can get away with pretty much anything short of murder, and even sometimes that...

Parents can no longer "discipline" their children without fear of being sued by their own children or some activist group.

When I was a kid and did something that I damn well knew was wrong, well, a apanking was coming and I knew it.

I wish Bouche coulda kicked their punk asses...

[Freak By Night]

.... the tallest (oldest) of the bunch,

Right on! You gotta target the "alpha male".

[Velvet]

I'm down with the young offenders act, but that whole under-twelve-can't-be-charged thing (is that real anyways?) has got to go.

[StoneMtn]

Not that it matters much for the conversation, but the "Young Offenders' Act" has been repealed, and it's now the "Youth Criminal Justice Act".

[SaggyBalls]

always carry a roll of quarters in your pocket so you can pop 'em one in the teeth.